She's good

By Jessamyn

A co-worker of mine keeps asking me how my daughter is. "How's the baby?" Gayle says, as she breezes past me in the hallway. "She's good!" I say to her retreating back.

And that's the end of the exchange. It gets repeated every week or so. Sometimes, after I've summed up my whole amazing daughter in a two-second exchange, I wonder if I'm shortchanging Katie and how I feel about her.

But I don't open up my heart to everyone, especially not to co-workers who used to shake their heads at me and chuckle about how I didn't know what I was in for, how painful labor was going to be, how terrible those first months would be, and how silly we were to think that my husband would be capable of staying home with Katie after I came back to work. Besides, I get the distinct impression that Gayle doesn't really have time for my complete answer.

How many words would it take for me to come up with a complete answer, anyway? Maybe I'd talk about what Katie's up to these days. Katie just started babbling barely a week ago, and now we are getting to know her sweet soft voice in addition to her loud demanding one. Katie is crawling and eating Cheerios and has just recently become ticklish under her arms.

Or maybe I'd talk about how Katie makes me feel. When Katie wakes up way too often at night, I wonder if we are failing her as parents and if I will ever sleep again. But then when Katie smiles at me and looks directly into my eyes, I could smile back at her for as long as she'll let me.

Maybe the best way to answer would be with a brief anecdote. There was a moment last weekend when my husband Geoff held Katie close and tickled her, and the room was filled with the sound of her laughter. As I laughed with them, I thought about how these baby sounds form the new soundtrack of my life. As I watched and listened, I wondered, "Does it get better than this?"

Or maybe the most complete answer would simply be: even though I remember life before Katie, I can no longer imagine my life without her.

Comments

[cat]

I always have the feeling that people don't really want to know how my baby is, they just feel like they have to ask - or they are dying to give me advice.

Usually I answer "just great!" unless it's a close friend or relative who might care that Nate said "dah" after I said "that's a dog" or that he just ate carrots for the first time.

I can totally relate to doing anything to get the baby to laugh - it is truly the best sound in the world and I love to see his goofy, toothy smile when he's cracking up.

[Jessamyn]

Hi, Becky! Yeah, it's funny - with people I like, or even with strangers, I could talk about Katie for hours. But my co-workers have a history of getting on my nerves by being condescending and obnoxious! Heh.

And I actually AM a little jealous that Geoff gets to stay home with Katie all day. But he's a doctoral student who wasn't yet working full-time when I got pregnant, so it just made more sense for me to stay at my full-time job and for him to stay home at least until he's finished his degree. Some days - especially the days after I've been up several times in the night and had to get up early to come in to work - I am *really* jealous. But mostly I'm happy that Katie and her dad are spending so much great time together. :)

[Becky]

Your story sounds like mine a few months ago. I got to the point where I really didn't want to share anything about my baby with co-workers because of the same attitudes I noticed from them that you pointed out in your story.

I don't know if many of them would really get the tiny, everyday moments and how they can just make your day more than any completed project or signing of a new client.

It's nice to hear your hubby is a SAHD. We considered that too, but realizing I'd be too jealous of him being able to be with our babies all day, I decided to take some time off from the career and enjoy some extra moments with them.

Love following your posts.

Blog on!

[sarah]

I know exactly how you feel. I also frequently answer "She's good" to the casual questions, because it could take the rest of my life to explain how much I love my baby girl.

[Jessamyn]

Thanks for your comments! Not only do I care to hear the baby laughter over and over again, but my husband and I have noticed that we're willing to do whatever it is that makes Katie laugh over and over. She's the one who gets tired of it first.

[Helene]

great post - and you're right...it doesn't get any better!

[Jo]

*sniff* That post had me teary. You are so right: the sound of my baby boy's laugther is the only sound in the world I care to hear over and over again. It's wonderful.

[AGK]

That is key! I feel the same way :)