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September 27, 2004

Comments

Jocelyn

It is good to hear that I am not alone. Much of these comments have brought me to tears. I have been struggling with the decision of quitting and putting my family in financial strain, or remaining a working mom and putting a emotional strain on my family. I am a teacher and I work with kids all day. By the end of the day my energy is spent and my patience is gone for my own children. We are having some behavior problems with my son that I feel if I were home I would have the energy to work on his behavior in a more effective way. Right now his punishments come from exhuastion and frustration. My heart aches as well to be home with my 8 mo old baby girl. This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Elizabeth

What a relief! I recently read an article by Liz Ryan wherein she decried the fact that women were still being asked if they could "have it all" when men are not asked, because it's assumed "of course they can." I disagreed, suggesting that men don't have it all either. My children are older and it is still so difficult. I thought the point of my mother's feminism was so that we could have a choice, but there is a pretty forceful community that feels a woman who takes off 10 years or more (depending on # of kids and how long with each) to raise children is robbing society of her brainpower. Maybe I've just been reading the wrong blogs!

Julie

Why didn't our mothers tell us? I can still hear the Enjolie perfume ad on tv - she could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never ever EVER let him forget he was a man. I would glance at my mother in her worn housecoat. I would study the meager home in which I was raised. I would look at my own hand-me-down clothes and sulk. "If only MY mom could bring
home the bacon, that would really be something."

To be just like the Enjolie mom - that was the dream. And she let me
dream it. She supported me and urged me on, just like she was supposed to. Just like Phil Donohue told her to. But she did it smiling from her house coat. Surrounded by her children who were safe in her care, never more than a hug away.

Why didn't they tell us that the reason for their smile was a simple
willingness to accept what truly made their hearts sing. They were mothers,and their lives allowed them to relish in it.

You are not alone.

acheuk

We hired a helper to take care of my son from newborn and she has lived with us from then on. My baby now 14th month old. These few months, his emotion attach firmly to my helper, my son always cry out lourd when he finds she is out of his sight. Also my son has sleeping problems and he cannot sleep through the night. When he wakes up in his bed, he only needs my helper's comfort. I am so depressed. I have already spend all my spare time with him. I have a strong feelings that my helper "has stolen" my son's love from me and the role of mother as well. Blues, what I can do to drive it away?

Bonnie

As working parents, my husband and I are delighted that our 10 month old son is such a fabulous sleeper (7pm-7am) but that means our time with him is limited to approximately 90 minutes each evening. We don't do anything during that time except play with him, feed him, bathe him and read bedtime stories. We don't worry about the house being messy, or our own stomachs being empty. We spend too much time away each day to not give him our undivided attention when we are home together.

Jo

It's hard, I know. I am working p/t from home, so my son is with a sitter 2-3 days a week. I have it wonderful in this sense. I do stress about work all the time though, as I am working full-time in a p/t schedule. I feel for you -- the wanting is the hard part, wanting to be with her but having to go to work. *sigh* I am sorry you are sad about it right now.

lisa

Over the years, I have tried working full-time, part-time and from home... I was lucky enough to be able to stay home full-time for one year with each of my four children. Every time I went back to work, not only did I have to deal with missing them, worryin about them, feeling guilty about leaving them, I also got to feel happy about doing something that was meaningful to me, and of course, feeling guilty that I loved my work. I think no matter where your path lies, it is important as a mom to have a life separate from your children (and spouse)- so that you can be the best person you can be - and then come back refreshed to your loved ones. This may take the form of work, volunteering, or hanging around with friends on a regular basis. Remember, you deserve it!

Jessica

I think you've really summed up the working mother dilemma for a lot of us out here. I only had six weeks for maternity leave (absolutely couldn't afford any more), and I'm a week away from having to leave most of the day to day raising of my 3 year old and infant to my daycare providers. (Who, in all fairness, are superb. They're just not ME). I've gotten far too used to being the sole observer to my children's milestones during the day before their father comes home. We've finally gotten into a routine that allows for equal time and a regular schedule for both children, just in time to upset it all again with me going back to work. The saddest thing is that my husband makes just enough that if we scraped and cut back on a lot of things, we could afford for me to stay home, if it weren't for the fact that we're on my insurance. As it is, we'll be paying so much with daycare that most of my wages will go to that. And so, next week at this time, I'll be a woman with a broken heart and leaky breasts, wondering what new things my children are doing without me, and counting down the minutes until they're "all mine" again.

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