Good body, good me

By Jessamyn

I have at least 50 pounds to lose.

I also have a 9-month-old baby at home, which means that when I mention this to people, a lot of them say, "Oh, well, you recently had a baby!" 

The thing is, I have already lost all of the weight I gained when I got pregnant. And more. I gained about 35 pounds during my pregnancy, and I'll admit it -- I was worried about how difficult it might be to lose it. It didn't turn out to be difficult at all, though.  By the time I went back for my six week post-partum checkup, I weighed 2 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight. 

Unfortunately, my pre-pregnancy weight was at least 50 (and maybe even 60) pounds more than I should weigh. And sure, I dropped a lot of weight after Katie was born, but I didn't drop a lot of flab. And to make matters worse, I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the weight I dropped was muscle. I have a jiggly roll around my belly where previously there was flatness. 

For me, needing to lose weight is not really anything new. I've been overweight, at least a little bit, for almost my entire adult life. What's new is the way I feel about my extra weight. 

I feel OK. I feel hopeful. I feel like I've got some hard work ahead of me. 

I don't feel like I have a defective body. I don't feel resentful. I do not feel ashamed. 

I was thinking about this yesterday, about why I feel this way, and I think I figured it out. I think it's because of Katie. 

Before, I had the tendency to blame my extra weight on life or God or fate, on whoever or whatever was responsible for giving me this non-slender body. Not everyone has to struggle with extra weight, right? Why me? And if I wasn't putting blame elsewhere, I was blaming myself, feeling sad and ashamed. Look what I've done, I would think; I am unhappy with my body, and I have done this to myself. 

When I thought about my weight, my (admittedly foolish) thoughts often came down to these: bad body, bad me.

But now, because of Katie, I just can't think that anymore. How can my body be a bad one if it made this wonderful human being and then fed her for eight months? How can I be bad if I am this amazing child's mother? 

I have been forced to admit it. My body is not a lemon, and neither am I. We just need a little bit of work. 

It's OK. We're strong. We can do it. Good body. Good me.

Comments

[Jessamyn]

Yup, muse, that's basically my plan!

[muse]

Simultaneously accept yourself and try to exercise, just walk and swim, or walk in the water. and eat enough good food, so you're not hungry for junk

[Jessamyn]

Aw, thanks, Erin! (I have been inspired by the galley of your book, which has me thinking on the subject of body image!) And thanks, Debby! I know my jiggly belly may still firm up more over time - but I also know that I am pretty far away from the shape I'd like to be in. It's too easy to excuse myself because I *did* have a baby relatively recently. I don't want to blame myself, but I also don't want to let myself off the hook completely. :)

[Debby]

GREAT POST! You are an amazing woman who is a great mom! Those extra pounds will come off as you have a positive attitude about self and body. That jiggly belly will firm up, remember you stretched the muscles during pregnancy, give them time to return to their original place.

[Erin]

Wow. That was one of the most amazing things I've read of yours, my friend. I am so proud of you; not for losing weight, and while that's great and woo hoo!, but more for being this amazing, bright, thoughtful person. xoxo