Happy holidays... maybe a little too happy

By Terry

Sometimes our curses become our children's blessings.

Take, for example, the twisted family tree around here. My parents are divorced, as are Andrew's. While this has stuck Andrew and me with emotional baggage, it has also provided my children with four complete sets of grandparents, each of whom adores them very much and will go to great lengths to prove that love, especially when they think that said love might be witnessed by an ex-spouse or an in-law.

Add to this my daughter's December birthday, and you can see how, year after year, I watch the holidays become an exercise in Olympic-caliber Competitive Grandparenting.

Since early November, Jonah has received an array of clothing and numerous new toys, including a complete train set and train table, a talking frog, an assortment of books and videos, and a very beepy Sit and Spin.

Emily, who is older, reaps the bigger benefits as there remains an unshakable notion that she "understands and appreciates it more." (I've given up fighting it and just figure that they'll ramp it up for Jonah in a few years, too.) Consequently, by New Year's Eve, she will have been the recipient of one American Girl doll; two wardrobes (one purchased and one hand-sewn), a bed, and a clothing trunk for said doll; a magic kit; a trip to the American Girl Store in New York City; her first Broadway show; three holiday dresses; and her second New York City Ballet Nutcracker experience. Oh, and a full birthday party attended by 14 little girls.

While we are grateful for all that the grandparents do for our children (it's not just toys, but also pajamas and winter coats, and we'd be hard-pressed to give all that up), it is hard to maintain appropriate senses of discipline and gratitude in the face of such extreme indulgence. I feel that the gifts that we give our kids become overshadowed and that the charity work that I do with them loses its meaning. They light the Chanukah candles and then even Jonah yells "PRESENTS!"

So I ask all of you… how do you keep your children from turning into greedy brats at the holidays? How do keep the grandparents in check? And, most important, when your efforts at control fail: What on earth do you do will all that stuff?

Comments

[LauriJon]

I create a Christmas List for Maricella. This way I can balance most of the gifts, educational, entertainment, clothes, etc. Of course some things purchased are not from the list, but setting the list helps direct the other purchases. Some people might find lists controlling, but hey, I'm the parent! Good luck!

[Peggasus]

When the boys were smaller, after several years of excess, I limited both sets of grandparents to two, and only two, gifts per kid. I just made sure I told them of something that the boys really wanted, so they got the big, big smiles. And I told them that it was NOT about how much it cost, just about how pleased they would be to receive it. That worked pretty well for us.