My daughter has the worst singing voice in the world. No, really. She does. Like the hopeless hopefuls on the early episodes of "American Idol," she believes she has talent.
She sings all the time. She writes her own songs. They're bad. She performs at every family gathering and holiday. Her brothers have to be tied down to their seats. For her birthday, she picked out the American Idol Barbie and the American Idol Barbie Stage. She's waiting for there to be another "American Idol Junior" so she can try out.
The other night, she came to my bedroom and told me she wanted to sing the latest song she'd written. After she finished, she asked me if I thought she could win "American Idol Junior."
What a loaded question! First of all, I hope and pray and dream that there will never be another "American Idol Junior." And even if there was, and if they came to our town for auditions, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't let her be involved in something like that at her age.
But as I thought about it, I realized that wasn't really the question she was asking me. She was asking me if I thought she was a good singer, if I thought she was good enough that she could be a singer when she grows up. She was asking me if I believed in her.
Being nine, singing isn't the only thing she thinks she wants to be when she grows up. She wants to be a veterinarian, a teacher, a "love writer" (romance writer -- for some reason, she calls them "love" books -- I'm guessing she came up with that from the covers since she's never read one), a horse trainer, and the wife of teen pop star Aaron Carter.
When I was nine, I wanted to be a writer, too. I wrote an awful story in third grade called "Judy's Monster" about a furry monster who ate his human girlfriend. I wonder what my mother would have said then if I'd asked her, based on that story, whether I could grow up to make my living as a writer. I think she would have thought that was a longshot! My mother never told me I couldn't be a writer, though, and I wonder how my life might be different if she had.
So I told my daughter I thought she was the best singer in the world and that she could be anything she wanted to be.
Who am I to stomp on her dreams? And who I am to say they won't come true? It's not my job to tell her what she can't do when she grows up. It's my job to make sure she dreams.
Besides, she's pretty tough. If she ever meets Simon Cowell, I think she could take him.
Your post inspired me to write about this on my own blog.
Thanks!
Posted by: Robin P | January 26, 2005 at 06:21 PM
They say that if you ask a room full of adults,"Who can sing?" only a few will raise their hands. If you ask the same question to a room full of kids they will ALL raise their hands!
You did the right thing. Kids need our love and support in all areas of their life.If they can't feel loved and appreciated from their parents then what do they have?
I never thought I was a great artist but when I was 11 and my mom was pregnant, I went to an art class during the summer and made a present for her. On a piece of wood I had the art teacher draw 2 baby booties. I glued dried beans on it to form the shoes and I used little split peas to make the laces. It was very clever. Then I painted one shoe blue and the other pink. I loved it and couldn't wait to give it to mom. It took 4 classes to make it. When I gave it to her she smiled politely and wondered what to do with it. I felt a pang in my heart. Finally she decided to put it on the stereo. (That's when a stereo was a huge piece of furniture!)
After a few days it got in her way and she asked if I was done with it. DONE with it???????? I held back the tears and said, "I guess so," and she threw it away. I was crushed.Thirty years later and it still hurts me.
Everything Lillianna does goes on the refrigerator and the back door which is magnetic. We rotate them every few days. She chooses what goes up and what comes down.
I "oooh and ahhhh" over everything she does....singing,dancing,painting, you name it, we encourage it. Because the truth is, I am proud of everything she does because she tries so hard.
She wants to be on American Idol too.....lol. Let's just wait and see how that goes.
I never want to be a dream crusher and you don't either. Let's keep cheering our kids on. They deserve it!
Posted by: Robin P | January 25, 2005 at 11:22 PM
Well done. Encouragement is the best motivator, and discouragement stings.
In an effort to keep me from 'getting a swelled head' my father did not pay me one compliment that I can remember until I was in my twenties. He also told me quite honestly that he found attending junior high school musicals to be torture. No matter how many other people encouraged my acting (my singing really IS terrible), I felt both discouraged and convinced that my father wasn't a very nice person.
I will encourage my daughter to dream as big as she likes, and never let her doubt for a second that I believe in her.
Posted by: sarah | January 25, 2005 at 11:44 AM
I definitely think you did the right thing. Her ego is fragile and forming and looking beyond the singing, she needs a cheerleader and confidence. You're helping her develop that... good for you!
Posted by: Liz | January 25, 2005 at 10:22 AM
I agree, that not all popular singers are GODD singers. I also think maybe you have a songWRITER in the making, if not a singer.
The most inportant thing my Mother tought me when I was growing up was that I could do anything...if I set my mind to it. I'm a firm believe rin that, it's gotten me far, and helped me push to acomplish things people said I would never be able to. You remind me of my Mom, who is also my best friend. Great Job.
Posted by: Sasha | January 24, 2005 at 08:16 PM
Just a thought... and I hope I don't offend, but my mom used to say I could be an olympic figure skater too. The problem was we didn't have money for lessons, or costumes, or skates even. So, I think it is great to encourage your daughter (as I will mine), and that she wants to be a singer now but is terrible, well, that will change probably, but as a parent, we should all make sure that we point out to our kids that just wanting something isn't enough. It takes long hours, hard work and dedication... and as Lei said, we don't have to be the best at something, but if you enjoy doing it, then that might be the best reward. Keep the dreams alive, but don't lead them blindly into something. Be sure to help them realize the successes!
Posted by: Jill | January 24, 2005 at 05:14 PM
Love the story, Suzanne. You did a great job with it. And I'd absolutely love to see your daughter take Simon down a notch or two. :-)
Posted by: trish | January 24, 2005 at 01:14 PM
Hey, look at Neil Young, Bob Dillon, and an entire slew of modern day alternative rockers. You don't need to be a great singer!!
Posted by: Tracy | January 24, 2005 at 09:12 AM
Aww, what a great story. And you are SUCH a good mom! *g*
Posted by: Larissa | January 24, 2005 at 08:32 AM
Realistically, if it were my son, I'd probably say he has potential and could maybe become a great singer if he practiced a lot. Then, I'd tell him that we can still enjoy something even if we're not the best at it. We can't be a star at everything we try.
Posted by: Lei | January 24, 2005 at 05:32 AM
Beautiful story. I hope that I can do the same for my own children, the way my mother did for me. She always encouraged me, even when my stories involved characters who had escaped from the villain's clutches (although I had forgotten to untie them in the story draft).
Posted by: Michelle | January 23, 2005 at 08:01 PM
Very good. What a great lesson!
Posted by: Celeste | January 23, 2005 at 07:51 PM