Eating my guts out

By Terry

Here is a complete list of what Jonah, recently turned 3, eats: peanut butter, yogurt (but only maybe and only if it's pink), simple carbohydrates, and salty snacks. No fruit. No vegetables. No meat, except chicken nuggets, and those only rarely. None of the things that his peers adore… no cheese, no pasta, no pizza, no macaroni and cheese from the box.

I'm afraid that he's going to get scurvy or rickets or beri-beri. I'm afraid that he will grow up to be like our friend M., who, until he married a woman who set him straight, ate just about nothing but plain hamburgers on buns, potatoes in all forms, and lobster. I'm afraid that my mother-in-law thinks that I'm a bad parent.

Breakfast and lunch are fairly easy and relaxed. He eats waffles or toast in the morning and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or peanut butter on crackers for lunch. He snacks on yogurt or healthy chips. He drinks a lot of milk and, a couple of times a day, some heavily watered-down apple juice.

But night after night, dinner is a battle. I put a plate of simple, child-friendly food in front of him, and he refuses to eat it. He pushes it away and starts screaming, asking for crackers or something to drink. We don't want him to have those things instead of real food, and the bargaining, begging, and cajoling begins while the hollering continues.

Some nights, he doesn't eat. In theory, this should encourage him to eat at the next meal. In reality, this week, it encouraged him to wake me at 4 in the morning, crying pitifully and begging for a snack. Other nights, he ends up with alternative food, just to buy us some peace.

So, what do I do? Do I spend a week in Food Hell? Do I figure that he'll grow out of it? Do I make an issue out of food, which I always swore not to do? Do I buy another bottle of Flintstones chewables and wait?

Have you had a picky eater? Did s/he end up eating a balanced diet at some point? What did you do to help your child learn to eat?

Comments

[Lorraine]

I've seen children grow to be 6 feet 3 inches tall who only ate, and I do mean only, frozen cheese pizza, mac & cheese and spagetti from a can. Period. It was amazing. But if you're really worried, you may want to consider vitamins with health benefits better than flintstones. If you are interested, e-mail me and I'll be glad to share some info with you on what really good vitamins have done for me. Otherwise, the boy won't get scurvy or richets or loose all his teeth. And you are NOT a bad mother. :0)

[penny]

If it's not frozen or white, off-white, yellow or orange, or fruit it's not going in. Eggos, bread, cheese, white rice, noodles, bagels...you get the idea. I'm always trying to get my 2 year old to "try" a vegetable or meat. He'll hold it, scrunch up his nose and very politely say "No please, Mommy" and hand it back. It's beyond me how he finds the energy to run his fully-charged battery...ALL DAY LONG, when he eats like a mouse.

I did just find a Sun-Rype juice that is 1/2 fruit and 1/2 vegetable and since he can't read the box, he'll never know what's in the "juice of the month".

[jayne]

My 12, almost 13 year old twins were THE pickiest eaters in the world. For one year all my son would eat is chicken nuggets, yogurt and applesauce. His sister lived on hotdogs and mashed up meatballs. I'd say this went on for 3 years or so....then one day out of the clear blue, my daughter started to want to try everything we grown-ups were having and she's been an adventurous eater ever since. My son, on the other hand is still pretty picky but he eats. Just not a wide variety of things...When they were little and not eating my pediatrician told me not to worry that eventually they'd get hungry enough to eat what I gave them and for the most part, that was true. I never wanted food to be an issue, especially with my daughter so I really had to control myself into not forcing them to eat when they didn't want to and I think 10 years later that we came out pretty mych unscathed.

[Elizabeth]

That sounds a lot like my almost 4 year old. We're pretty tolerant about letting him have peanut butter on crackers or something like that for dinner, although we encourage him to try new foods too. If we didn't offer him anything except what we're eating, he'd just eat bread and dessert, and I'd rather he get some protein in him than not.

I'm hoping that at some point peer pressure will kick in, and he'll decide that we're not trying to torture him by offering him pizza. Only in the past few weeks has he decided that plain cheese is an acceptable food.

Good luck.

[CF]

I had a younger cousin years ago who would only eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's all. For three years.

He's now a strapping 18-year-old jock who excels at hockey.

[CF]

I had a younger cousin years ago who would only eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's all. For three years.

He's now a strapping 18-year-old jock who excels at hockey.

[CF]

I had a younger cousin years ago who would only eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's all. For three years.

He's now a strapping 18-year-old jock who excels at hockey.

[Anne-Marie]

Yep, we got one too. Right now Lucie's into drinking her bottle (in which I slip liquid vitamins), ice cubes, tortilla chips, shredded cheese, and rice. She also likes to "eat" lint from blankets, paper, cardboard, and couch stuffing. If it wasn't for the liquid vitamins, I swear she had pica. But she's growing well, so I guess it's o.k. for now.

[muse]

My almost 29 year old ate much less than that for years, and today she eats everything, in small quantities and has always been healthy.
Try dried fruit and family meals.

[Jennifer]

I suspect the dietitian Sisyphus is referring to is Ellyn Satter. She has three books on child nutrition: "Child of Mine", "Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family" and "How to Get Your Kid to Eat...But Not Too Much". I have the first two and love them. My daughter doesn't eat any better than any other two-year-old, but I'm much more relaxed about it.

All her books talk about a division of responsibiliy: you are responsible for providing a balanced meal at the appropriate time. Your child is responsible for eating it. Or not.

Or as a friend of mine puts it: "There are three things you just can't make them do: eat, sleep or poop!" :-) Best of luck!

[Jenny]

Ugh. This is not encouraging to me. My 17-month-old is such a picky eater that he makes your son look like a healthy eater. My son eats carbs. Crunchy carbs. That's it. We can sometimes get him to eat a jar of baby food fruit or a yogurt, but that's it. No soft carbs (like toast or waffles), just Veggie Booty, crackers (and don't even think of trying to put any cream cheese or jelly on them!), cereal and the like. Doc says not to worry, he'll grow out of it, but I have my doubts....

[melissaS]

I live this...and my husband is 36 and is very nearly as picky as my picky pants 6 year old daughter. So I fear it won't get better. At least though I won't be in charge of it anymore.

I go back and forth between just serving up what we're having for dinner and being so discouraged by the weeks of whining dinners that are so unpleasant for all of us that I go back to throwing a pb and J sandwich on her plate with a taste of what we're having on the plate to (which still causes whining and freak outs...UGH)

I hope someday I'll have anecdotal story about how we overcame my daughter's eating habits but I'll probably be 97 on my death bed cursing her picky pallet.

[Katie]

I have no kids (yet) of my own, but one of my brothers had a picky phase where he would eat nothing but Cheerios. I think he was about 4 when this started happening. My mother decided after awhile it had to stop, so he either ate was put in front of him, or didn't eat. She thought this worked, but little did she know that his big sister (me) was going up to his room at night with a bowl of Cheerios. He grew out of it and became a very healthy eater and to this day eschews sweets.

[LauriJon]

My 14 month old daughter eats well when she wants to eat and if it's something she wants to eat at the time. She does eat a variety of foods, like corn, peas, turkey, chicken, ham, even an occasional crystal burger (very occasional).

But then we have those days where I feel like geez why won't she eat any veggie except the starchy peas and corn? I don't battle though and up until 12 months I had to suppliment her diet with baby food veggies.

But now two months later she's eating exclusively table foods.
If you're concerned with him not getting adequate nutrition, definitedly talk to you Ped and suppliment with vitamins and maybe PediaSure.

Good luck & bon appitete.

[LauriJon]

My 14 month old daughter eats well when she wants to eat and if it's something she wants to eat at the time. She does eat a variety of foods, like corn, peas, turkey, chicken, ham, even an occasional crystal burger (very occasional).

But then we have those days where I feel like geez why won't she eat any veggie except the starchy peas and corn? I don't battle though and up until 12 months I had to suppliment her diet with baby food veggies.

But now two months later she's eating exclusively table foods.
If you're concerned with him not getting adequate nutrition, definitedly talk to you Ped and suppliment with vitamins and maybe PediaSure.

Good luck & bon appitete.

[Sisyphus]

Oh, I've been there. And honestly, there's not much you can do. I got a lot more sane when I read some advice from a famous dietician (sorry, can't remember her name) and talked to my friend who's a dietician. What they say is: "It is your job to provide healthy nutrition for your child. The rest is up to them."

So, yeah. Buy another bottle of the chewables. And go into food hell. If you get woken up at 4 am for a snack, well, that's not a snack; that's breakfast. Believe me, I *know* how hard this is: I've been living it for 6 years. But we've started making progress. And what did it was the refusal to negotiate. She tries to open the bargaining and I don't play anymore. I reiterate the "This is what's on your plate. You can choose to eat it or not." And then I won't talk about food anymore. It's still a struggle, but I've started to see empty plates at dinnertime.

[Sisyphus]

Oh, I've been there. And honestly, there's not much you can do. I got a lot more sane when I read some advice from a famous dietician (sorry, can't remember her name) and talked to my friend who's a dietician. What they say is: "It is your job to provide healthy nutrition for your child. The rest is up to them."

So, yeah. Buy another bottle of the chewables. And go into food hell. If you get woken up at 4 am for a snack, well, that's not a snack; that's breakfast. Believe me, I *know* how hard this is: I've been living it for 6 years. But we've started making progress. And what did it was the refusal to negotiate. She tries to open the bargaining and I don't play anymore. I reiterate the "This is what's on your plate. You can choose to eat it or not." And then I won't talk about food anymore. It's still a struggle, but I've started to see empty plates at dinnertime.

[andrea]

Our older daughter is the picky one, but I'm happy the foods that she does like are healthy ones: multigrain bread, spaghetti and tomato sauce, coleslaw, ham, fruit, red peppers, carrots. (She almost has no choice, it's all we have in the house!) When I make dinner I always make sure there's something in it for her, even it just means a bowl of baby carrots and cucumbers on the side. If she doesn't want the dinner she eats the side dishes.

Our rule is that *you always have to try something once.* It's actually worked in our favour a few times. But the experts say that you have to make repeated efforts with food and they might grow to like it.

We don't have a problem with our youngest. She's 3.5 and she likes crazy stuff like asparagus, broccoli (!), feta, brie and goat cheese, eggs, sushi -- almost anything, but she doesn't like chicken, potatoes or peanut butter. Never has.

I figure it's genetic. Sarah is like me, open to food, likes food. Emma is like her father. :)

Who knows, you might have a "supertaster" on your hands. There's an interesting article about it here:
http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=1617

[kristychu]

OH! i know EXACLTY how you feel about that! i have an 18 month old that will only eat peas and grated cheese for dinner. its not that he eats badly for the rest of the day (on the contrary, he'd be one of the healthiest kids food wise that i know), its just that we're in the middle of that period where we go from eating moosh to having things that he can actually feed himself, and hes not having a bar of it. all those things that kids are supposed to LOVE? cocktail sausages and fish fingers and chicken nuggets? he wont TOUCH THEM.
i know that its just a 'phase' and in time he'll try new things and get used to the idea of eating dinner on his own (the same way he got used to eating lunch on his own, i guess), but in the meantime, it drives me nuts every night trying to give him variety and things with actual nutitional value, only to have him chuck everything on the ground for the cats to eat.

tonight he ate a WHOLE BABY CARROT. i was so excited i did a dance around the high chair. maybe this is the beginning of a new era! :D