In the news

By Terry

Over 100,000 dead in Asia. Soldiers returning home from Iraq without limbs, or not returning at all. A dioxin-poisoned candidate in the Ukraine. Car bombs. Serial killers. Executions. Michael Jackson. Scott Peterson.

The news is inescapable. Stories of horror and death and destruction. Stories of the worst that human beings can endure, or become, or inflict upon each other. The words and the pictures are like sand, seeping in from everywhere, coming at us in the most innocuous of moments… in a snippet of disk jockey banter while we listen to the music in the car, on the blaring covers of the tabloids when we buy our milk, in conversations overheard at the library or the mall. The people who make up the media work diligently every day. Most reports seek to inform, to educate, or to enlighten; others to shock anew, to provide the most sensational and the most lurid. We take it all in while we tune it all out.

He killed his pregnant wife on Christmas Eve and dumped her in the bay? Dreadful! What do you want for dinner?

Did you hear? The 1,000th U.S. Soldier was killed in Iraq today. It's awful. Did you pay the electric bill?

Now they're worried about cholera in Sri Lanka because the decomposing bodies are contaminating the water supply. Horrible! Your mother called.

But what about our children?

At seven years old, Emily is like a sponge. When she comes to sneak a bite of whatever I'm making for dinner, she stops and listens to what the "All Things Considered" anchors are reporting. When she begs for candy at the checkout, she reads the headlines. When she walks through the dining room, she looks at the photo on the cover of The New York Times tossed on the table. She rarely processes this information immediately, but will bring it up and ask about it hours, or even days, later.

Mom, can you tell me again about why the United States is fighting in Iraq?

Mom, did we give any money to help the people who had the tsunami?

Mom, what’s "lethal injection"?

How do I explain these stories to her when she asks about them? How do I help my child to understand the human costs of war or natural disaster? How do I admit to the presence of evil?

I try. I ask What did you talk about at school today? I discuss the war and the tsunami and try to tell the truth, but not the whole truth. As with all things, I answer all direct questions with direct answers.

And yet, it all seems so inadequate in the face of my true goal: to help my child believe that the world is a safe and magical place for as long as she possibly can.

Comments

[RobinP]

On 9/11/01, Lillianna was 1 month away from her 4th birthday. There was no way to shield her from that horror because Rich and I were glued to the tv. Even when we banished her to her playroom with cartoons on her tv, she could still hear what we were watching.

We lived quite close to a rifle club. One day as Lillianna and I were heading to the car, we heard several gun shots from the club. Not understanding where those shots were coming from,Lillianna ran to me in terror, hugged my waist and cried, "Mommy, why are they shooting at us? Are those the bad people that want to kill us????"

I gave her a long explanation and assured her she was safe with Mommy and Daddy and in school etc. I didn't believe that 100% but she was only 4. What would I have said, "This world is completely unsafe and we could die at any minute?"

When she asks for explanations we give them to her but it's not easy,believe me. Last year we had a level 3 sex offender in the apartment across the complex from us. I had to give her a talk on that subject especially because a notice was sent home from school about him!!
Parenthood is not easy!!

[Anna]

After telling my seven year old about the tsunami, it occured to me to ask him whether he wanted to hear more of the news or not. He said no, but I suspect that would not be the answer for every kid. At least it gives them a tiny bit more control of what happens to them every day. I did tell him that when he was older (where do you dry the line in the sand) he would need to know what was going on around the globe, as we all inhabit this earth. This is indeed a tough one.

[ben]

It's hard to find a balance, especially since I am a news junkie myself.

In the car, when the kids are with me, I turn off NPR so they don't have to hear the days horrors summarized in sixty seconds and instead we listen to music or silence.

At home, we watch the news, but I try not to leave CNN or the like just turned on all the time. We watch for a bit, then switch it off or turn on something the kids like. Often they don't want to watch the news, which is okay when you're little.

We still have lots of discussions, about the 'bad man in the desert' or 'the buildings that got broken.' These things are a part of their lives now, whether we like it or not. But I try not to dwell on it, not when there are better things to be talking about.

[Barbara]

I am a mom of a 7-year girl old too. I am often at a loss of what to say to her. A month ago a man committed suicide by driving into oncoming traffic killing her little friend that was in the other vehicle. When she asked "Why?" I did not have an answer. I am still asking why myself.

[muse]

We can't shelter our kids, makes them unrealistic. Keep a loving, supportive home, and they can survive the horrors of the world.

[Kris]

I hear ya. I'm about a day away from a news blackout, because it's starting to make me sick. Comedies and fantasy only, no true crime or network news for me!

[HElene]

So well said. There are days I really feel the same, especially lately!