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February 12, 2005

Comments

Julie

I am not a SAHM (though it is my desire to be VERY soon), but I can identify with you and your experience with women who are not in the same life-place you are. I find that my strongest friendships occur with people who understand how busy I am as a mother and don't ask for more than they know I can give. These people also have busy lives themselves, and some of them are not mothers. These friends also see me for who I am: mother, writer, wife, full-time worker-- a whole person who has a very busy, fulfilling life. I'm not sure the transition into any world is easy, but luckily we meet people along the way who to ease us back in.

Giovanna

I read you're essay and I tought to myself "deja vous?!"

I also ditched my job for my child. And I also felt exactly what you describe. Any I had MANY doubts about what I had done . Had I worked and studied so hard for nothing? Even my parents (who never openly admitted it), where disappointed to see their accomplished professional daughter drop everything to become a SAHM...


So months came and went, and while I struggled constantly to make myself feel good about what I had done, I finally reached (I think) a point where I felt OK with it. And how did that happen? Well, I basically decided to pursue things I had always wanted to do but never had the time to do so. I made sure that while I was enjoying my time with my child, I always kept in mind who I am, and what as a person (not a Mom), I wanted for myself. I personally don't believe that to be selfish. I think it is being smart. You are after all an individual. One with own needs and wants!

Don't beat your self up. You did the right thing. Now, is there anything you wanted to do but never had the time for?

Good luck!

cooper

Isn't it amazing that parenthood is no doubt the toughest, most intense, complex job there is but we don't get praise or promotions or anything that says "You are Great!" We do get hugs and thanks and hopefully, some day when our children are grown, well adjusted adults who love us and raise productive families of their own.

I think one thing moms everywhere need is someone to say they are doing a great job. Teddi, the fact that you are writing this and are thinking these things through proves you are a wonderful, amazing mother seeking balance and happiness for yourself and your family. You are doing a GREAT job.

Robin P

If I were in a financial position to be a SAHM I would be thrilled!!!!!! I wouldn't care who agreed with me or not. No one has a say in my life other than me and my husband. We would decide what was right for OUR family.
If you are happy with your decision then take pleasure in it. Enjoy your new life.

As for your friends not being interested in every little thing your kids do...sorry to say that is about right! People aren't interested. For the most part I believe it is a self centered world nowadays! We have all different kinds of friends. Some are kid friendly and some aren't. Share your funny kid stories with your real friends. They will be interested!!

You don't need a cheerleader if you know you made the right choice but since I WAS a cheerleader, here ya go.....Woohoo! Go Teddi!!! Give me an S,give me an A,give me an H,give me an M...What does that spell? Happy Mom!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
Uhm, feel better now? I wore a short skirt and held pom poms while I did that,by the way.

LauriJon

SAHM is the most honorable of professions. And I state it that way because it is just that, it's a full-time job. Before I had my daughter, I was a full-time, freelance graphic designer. Now when someone asks me what I do I say I'm a full-time mom.

Interestingly enough, when people who are 'ONLY' employees clock out each day at 5:00 or 6:00 P.M., I'm still 'ON' as mom. And even when my darling daughter is sleeping after 7:30 P.M. I'm still somewhat 'ON' as once you're a mom you're always a mom.

There are days when I struggle with who am I now besides mom. And even though right now noone is paying me to design a brochure, create a logo, paint a painting or write a novel, I am still a designer, still a fine artist, still a writer.

Right now, I have one client. She is 15 months old and her name is Maricella.

LauriJon

SAHM is the most honorable of professions. And I state it that way because it is just that, it's a full-time job. Before I had my daughter, I was a full-time, freelance graphic designer. Now when someone asks me what I do I say I'm a full-time mom.

Interestingly enough, when people who are 'ONLY' employees clock out each day at 5:00 or 6:00 P.M., I'm still 'ON' as mom. And even when my darling daughter is sleeping after 7:30 P.M. I'm still somewhat 'ON' as once you're a mom you're always a mom.

There are days when I struggle with who am I now besides mom. And even though right now noone is paying me to design a brochure, create a logo, paint a painting or write a novel, I am still a designer, still a fine artist, still a writer.

Right now, I have one client. She is 15 months old and her name is Maricella.

muse

Maybe they're jealous. Also their lives are very far from yours. My mother was always a SAHM, and she was always so busy, and I'm not talking about ironing. She was president of the PTA and performed in community theatre and more. But she made us food and was home when needed.
There's a lot of freedom, when you don't have to punch in a time card.

Analee

We should all not forget our needs as an individual. Or, forget our own wants just because our roles as moms or wives are sometimes overwhelming. Being aware that you should not lose your sense of self is a big step already. So... you are one the right track... Of course, we all have different situations and ways of making it work.

Donna

That's the million dollar question. It can be done, but it's something you may be working on for a long time as your family grows (along with you). But you're definitely doing the right thing! Good luck.

Patti

Teddi,

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING.

That being said, you WILL find your way to maintaining or finding your own place in the world while still being the most awesome SAHM you can be.

Just HOW you will do that remains the mystery.

It's not an answer you will find overnight. It's a process. A journey. I'm taking the same trip, and you're welcome to join me. :)

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