Never mind

By Lana

I met my friend for lunch today and she pointed out that in the last month -- ever since my baby was born -- I've been saying "Never mind" a lot. As in, "I haven't slept in three days… but never mind!" or "My breasts won't stop leaking… but never mind!"

"Never mind" has become my philosophy of late, as I've learned to let go of old notions about day-to-day life. I imagine that these will change over time, but here are some realizations I've had as a new mother:

• Things like schedules or plans have absolutely no influence on what will actually happen that day.
• The time on a clock is something to look at merely for interest's sake (i.e., "Hey look, it's 5 a.m.!"), not to determine whether it's time to sleep, eat or do anything else.
• Comfy T-shirts and baggy cotton shorts with pockets are fantastic items of clothing.
• My hair doesn't need to be washed or styled every day (because it ends up looking like hell anyway).
• The day may start at 7 or 8 a.m., but sometimes it starts at 4.30 a.m., or 10.30 a.m.
• No matter how much my husband does in helping to care for the baby it will never seem like enough (because he has no breasts).
• The quantity of my baby's daily waste output never fails to amaze.
• Not everyone is interested in talking about babies, yet I'm not interested in talking about anything but babies.
• Taking a shower is a luxurious and blissful event, even though there's a faint sound of baby crying with each one (whether or not he's really crying).

What I realize most of all as I fumble through my days is that I still have a lot to learn about this motherhood business… but never mind.

Comments

[Amy]

Oh my gosh, the phantom-shower-crying phenomenon!
I thought I was the only one, too, but apparently this is quite a common hallucination.
I guess it's our overwrought and overtired brains' way of making sure we stay on our toes.

[Mish]

I really like your concept that the time of day really doesn't matter. I think if I just keep that in mind when I am feeding at 11, 1, 4 and 6... you know, that time is irrelevant and I am just going with the flow, maybe - just maybe - I can let go some of the tiredness. I am starting to think that the way through the fog is just to "be" the fog! The only problem is that when I try to carry the metaphor through, the only things I can think of fog doing are "parting" (no thanks), "evaporating" (again, nope) or lifting... hmm... now there's an idea!

[Karen]

My son was colicy for 4 months. I heard the phantom cry in EVERYROOM even when I went outside. I thought I was going crazy. Glad to see that others experienced it also.

[RobinP]

How funny! I remember bringing Lillianna into the bathroom while she was asleep in her carrying case.(you know,the little thing that looks like a car seat but isn't?) Anyway, she was sleeping and yet I kept hearing her wake up and cry. I opened the shower door and she was sound asleep. I'd continue with my shower and hear her cry again.She was still asleep. I still want to know, WHO THE HECK WAS CRYING????? It's good to know I'm not the only one who heard this.

[Michelle]

I started to bring the bouncy chair into the bathroom with me, too, and did a lot of peekaboo with the shower curtain. Now that he's a full-fledged toddler I don't know what to do - I usually wait until he's asleep or until my husband is home.

Your list is exactly what I felt when my little guy was tiny. But I made sure to try and not talk about him so much when I saw my friends. It was actually a good thing - hearing about other people's lives for a change.

[Amanda]

I STILL hear my baby in the shower - even though he's usually in there with me.

My trick? Bring the bouncy chair into the bathroom while you shower. Ours had a song routine that would play for just the right amount of time.

[kat]

"No matter how much my husband does in helping to care for the baby it will never seem like enough (because he has no breasts)."

HA! I love this.

[Nicola]

You've got things under control. And even if you don't, "never mind"! Congrats, sounds like things are going well and you've figured out the go with the flow philosophy early on. And I also heard Kellan every time that I showered as well, and would poke my head out endlessly only to realise that he wasn't making a sound.

[Kris]

I heard my babies in the shower too! That's so funny, I thought I was the only mom who had that audio-halucination. With the never mind philosophy, it sounds to me like you're way ahead in this game.

[Jessamyn]

Wow, I had forgotten about the shower thing, but now that you mention it, I could *always* hear the sound of Katie crying when I took a shower during her first few months. At least half of the time, she wasn't really crying - it was apparently just in my head! Great post, Lana! Sounds like you're doing great! :)