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March 04, 2005

Comments

Kris

Welcome to DotMoms! What a tragic thing for your friend, my heart really goes out to her. I too had an early miscarriage, and knowing that pain I cannot even imagine what your friend has gone through. You are a great friend. I wish her the best in her future pregnancies.

kat

Peyton, welcome to Dotmoms. This was so poignant, so beautifully written and I can't imagine what it must have been like for you or for your friend. I hope that she is able to have a successful pregnancy as she tries again.

maria

My heart goes to you and your friend. I shared something similar with a co-worker who became a friend. My second son has a very serious heart defect. He has thrived through 3 open heart surgeries and his prognisis is quite good. When my son was 1 a colleague had a baby and learned soon that he had the same defect. To make a long story short, he struggled from the beginning and died last year after a 16 month struggle. Every time I see her I struggle with "survivor's guilt." I know it is hard for her to see my son (our children are in day care together). But, she calls me with questions, when she's stressed - I was the first person she called shen she learned she was pregnant again- and with very mixed feelings. Nothing hurts more than losing a child and the only thing we can do is give our friends space, but be there when they need us. Best wishes to you and your friend.

momadvice

You are a wonderful friend and I am sure that you will be such a good supporter of her during this difficult time.

I just had a miscarriage a couple of months ago. It was an early miscarriage (only six weeks), but I was deeply depressed and weeped for an entire month for a baby that I never even held in my arms and barely held in my womb.

You realize that you love your child as soon as you see that little line on the pregnancy test. You have hopes and dreams for a child from the second you know that you are going to have that child in your life.

I have pushed away all pregnant friends right now because it is too painful.

I cannot imagine the pain that your friend must have felt to have carried her child that long and then find out that it was stillborn. I pray that she has a much more successful pregnancy with this next child.

The sad thing is that after you have pregnancy complications or lose a child, it will be very hard to enjoy the next pregnancy because of the worry that you will have because of your previous circumstances.

sleepingmommy

I can only imagine the fear she will live with throughout the pregnancy as she is reminded of what happened to poor sweet Sarah and wonders if it could happen again. You are such a good friend. It's so painful to think that this could happen to anyone let alone your own child.

muse

Continue being a real friend by letting her talk about the baby who didn't breath outside the womb.

She may also benefit from a support group if they have them in her area. But sometimes just holding a baby gives strength and is good for the hormones to get pregnant again, G-d willing.

Richard Silverstein

Since becoming a father, I watch TV shows or movies about children or babies in jeopardy & I go crazy. I can't take the idea of hurting or losing a child because the issue is now so close to me. When we were childless, I just didn't understand how raw this can be for parents. How a baby changes things!

I feel so bad for this poor woman & her husband. Our 4 yr. old son was delivered by emergency Caesarean because the doctors discovered during fetal monitoring that the baby's heart rate was fluctuating wildly. When he came out, the cord was wrapped around his head. He too could've died. We were lucky.

I wonder why fetal monitoring didn't catch this problem?

I HOPE TO HIGH HEAVEN that her next effort to conceive will be successful. It will never fully wipe out the memory of this, but it will help a little to ease the pain I hope.

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