It's not about me

By Suzanne

I hate soccer. I hate soccer for many reasons, including, but not limited to, the cold spring winds, coaches who don't treat kids equally in field-time, and the snacks I never remember to bring when it's my turn. But my daughter loves soccer so I have wind-chapped cheeks and a burgeoning ulcer from resisting my urges to smack the coach upside the head, and I make last-minute stops at convenience stores to grab over-priced snacks when I realize it's my turn to be Snack Mom. (Can't they all just go home and eat?)

When I was a little girl, I wanted nothing more than to take dance. I was completely uncoordinated and couldn't do the splits to save my life, but I really wanted to wear a pink tutu, do pretty ballet spins, and use cool French words like plie and cou-de-pied.  My sister, two years older, actually got to take dance one year. She cried constantly and threw fits about how much she hated it, and when I claimed I wanted to take dance, the answer was no. Not only were my pink tutu dreams dashed, my parents then decided that we should both take piano lessons. My childhood is filled with memories of playing scales to the tick tick tick of the music metre and watching the clock eagerly for the daily practice hour to end. 

We had a slew of bizarre piano teachers, all of whom we despised almost as much as we despised the piano. Our first piano teacher had the interior of her house painted in psychedelic designs. She always wore long, flowing robe-like dresses to go with her long, flowing hair. She was very late 1960s. Her son had long, flowing hair, too, and he smoked pot in the house. I don't think our mom knew that, but at least that teacher liked children. 

Our next piano teacher hated children so much that as soon as our lesson hour was up, she would lock us out of the house. I have many memories of standing outside her house in the rain waiting for our mom to pick us up. She didn't even have a porch we could seek shelter under.

Little wonder that by the time we had a piano teacher who came to our house for lessons, we had developed a slightly wicked attitude toward piano teachers. I used to hide up in the plum tree and watch her ring the doorbell over and over and over. I never ditched school much, but I had a bad habit of ditching piano lessons. I'm pretty sure this is why our parents finally gave up, after all those years, and released us from our piano bondage.

I swore up and down that I would never, and I mean never, make my children take piano. My daughter would take dance!!!! My pink tutu dreams were fulfilled when my daughter was two and I enrolled her in her first ballet class. There is nothing more adorable than a 2-year-old in a tutu. She loves to be the center of attention, so she especially loved the end-of-year shows where she got to be on stage in front of an audience. Several years passed and she continued to enjoy dance, but trouble started creeping in. She didn't want to practice. She didn't want to go to lessons.

My athletic, energetic daughter wanted to play sports. She wanted to "perform" on the "stage" every week in a game, not once a year in a dance production. As she got old enough to express her wishes, she became more and more outspoken about her interests. Horseback riding, volleyball, soccer, basketball...

When we moved and made a fresh start in activities, I asked her, What do you want to sign up for this year?" "Dance?" I asked hopefully. "Soccer?" I asked, cringing. "Horseback riding?" The horses are pretty, I'm okay with this one. "Do you want me to take dance, Mommy?" Oh, the pain of that question! Yes! I wanted to tell her. But then I remembered all those years of piano bondage. "What do you want?" is what I managed to painfully eke out of my mouth. And so, once again, my pink tutu dreams were dashed.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to remember about raising my daughter is that it's not all about me. It's about her. And believe it or not, she wants to take piano.

Comments

[RobinP]

When Lillianna was 5,she joined a 6 week soccer team to see if she liked it. She did,although she never took the ball away from the girl who had it. She just ran alongside her. She was not very good at it but loved it. Fortunately,I can't really schedule soccer in due to my work and her Brownies and dancing school so she doesn't do it anymore. It may be in the future if she pushes it.
I do love that she dances since I danced for 12 years. I think I would've been so sad if she didn't want to dance.
Does it help that I always wished I could play the piano???? Well, not if I had had your whacko teachers!!

[LauriJon]

I took Ballet on and off my entire life. (I'm even thinking of going back once Maricella is in preschool.) I'll introduce my daughter to Ballet, and other forms of dance, but will also, once she's old enough to tell me, let her participate in the activities she wants to, weather they be sports or music. I can still persue my own dance dreams, albeit on a non-professional level. My job as mom, is to expose her to all her options and let her fly with her choices. Great post!

[trish]

I love my kids' soccer teams. We play fall soccer here, and since the weather stays nice until at least Thanksgiving, we don't have the weather nightmares to deal with. And we've been blessed with fair coaches who rotate the players every 5 minutes (I kid you not, they use a stopwatch). I wish everyone could have this kind of experience with their kids' sports teams. Unfortunately, I've heard the horror stories and I know we've been lucky.

The snack thing? I dunno. I can see a healthy snack and a drink at half-time, but snacks for practice? Come on, they just ate supper and hour ago and practice only lasts an hour. How hungry can they get?

I won't go into the whole dance thing. I've taken up too many words as it is.

Great post, Suzanne!

[Betsy]

I'm with you on the whole snack thing. What is up with that anyway?

[Katie]

Just say NO to sports!
Well, that's my mommy-goal anyway....

[Dori]

I love soccer and think it is a great game for kids, especially girls. I actually play on a womens' team. But I do hate the Soccer Mom Culture - and am SOOOOO with you on the snack schedules. I hate snack schedules on so many levels. I have even resorted to just telling Team Moms that my child isnt participating in snack schedule. Last year, I tried to get parents to vote against having one, and lost. My child can go a whole 2 hours without a snack, which I consider an amazing feat in this day and age.

[Jill]

I second Kacey. Soccer is evil. And LOL that she wants to play piano!

[Margery]

Love music. Love (to play - not watch) sports. Strictly amateur at both. I took piano lessons for only one year when I was little. I loved every minute of it! Loved it so much that once my kiddies were older, I went back and took more lessons. I'm nowhere near good, but I always felt like a concert pianist whenever I played.

[kacey]

Ha! Soccer is evil. It's some kind of rule that it's only played on the coldest, rainiest days of the year. Always schedule to overlap another child's activity. With coaches yelling at 8 year old kids to get their..well... butts ....out there. And encouraging words like "don't you ever think?" "What the ..heck...were you doing out there?" "Get off the field, you can't do anything right today"

Then there are high school coaches...

But as least soccer isn't as nasty as lacrosse!

[Michelle]

I remember my mother forcing me to take piano lessons, but somewhere after the sixth year of it, I started to get good enough to play the songs I liked. After that, I was grateful to her for making me continue. Now, I can play almost anything I want, and it's a gift. I think you have to weigh your child's desires against the outcome...sometimes it's okay to overrule them. Other times, it's better to let their wishes come first.

I wish my mother had forced me to play at least one season of the major sports (soccer, basketball, etc.). Then maybe I wouldn't have been picked last for teams? I knew nothing about sports, and it was pretty hurtful the way all guys avoided being on my team. If I'd had even a teaspoonful of skill, it might not have been that bad.