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April 17, 2005

Comments

Tami

Amy, my heart is breaking for you. I've always admired your posts (here and on your blog) for their strength. You have that in you. You will find a way through this, just not tomorrow or the day after. Love your Isabelle the best way you know how, and that will be enough to somehow make things right and "normal" for her. Know that everytime I hug my Isabelle, I'll be sending good thoughts out into the universe for yours, and for you, too. Take care.

amy s.

Just hugs to you. Sounds like you've got your head wrapped around things - hang in there.

muse

May G-d give you strength and some pleasant surprises.

RobinP

When Rich left 2 years ago he said it was forever and I believed him.He decided he didn't want to be married anymore. We each moved into an apartment and he only lived 4 minutes from us which meant he still took care of Lillianna on Wed,Thurs,Sat and Sun while I worked.
Learning to deal with "forever" was impossible for me. I couldn't stop crying. I cried all the time. My sister used to yell at me saying it wasn't good for Lillianna to see me cry but it wasn't good for ME that my husband left me and wasn't coming back.

After 6 months he asked if I wanted to try marriage counseling and so we went. I had suggested that all along but who listens to me?....lol.
Even though we got back together and have a much stronger marriage than we ever did,I remember all the feelings you are having and it breaks my heart.This is such a difficult thing to go through.

I remember yelling at Rich that he ruined my dreams. I couldn't believe he would leave. Deep down I knew the problems were inside of him and most of them had nothing to do with me but there was no stopping him when he made up his mind to go.

What is normal? My belief is that when it comes to a family,there isn't anything normal. You can only do your best to make your child feel safe and loved by both parents. Your idea of family has to change. I think most of us want to be part of a two parent family living together and having fun times together but that isn't always possible.

I remember when Lillianna would be in school and I was home alone. I would cry and cry and twist my hair and yell,"WHY? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY?????????" and punch the bed. My dreams were shattered. THIS isn't how I dreamed my world would be.
I finally decided to see a therapist to learn how to let go of my dream and move on without Rich. After 4 sessions,Rich suggested the marriage counseling.

All I can offer in the way of advice is to do whatever feels right for you. Isabelle should be able to rely on BOTH parents for love and support. The things that you normally did as a family might be tricky for her but you will have to start new traditions.
Lillianna cried when I explained that Daddy would not be coming to Nana's house for Passover. (He left in March and Passover was in April!) "But he's still family!" she insisted. Ya,but since he decided to leave,he wasn't invited to MY family things anymore. It was rough!
Sorry this is such a long comment but I remember my feelings when this happened to me and it hurts all over again. It's a transition you never asked for and it's damn hard!
The bottom line: a family is love. You have that.

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