Nuggets of truth

By Jennifer

Mother's Day has really gotten special since my older two are at the ages where they can communicate in ways other than grunts and blinks. They are both in school now and they can make cards and write me notes. They bring home some pretty neat stuff from school, but my favorite so far has to be the "our moms" book that they do in pre-kindergarten.

It's a book of drawings of each of the mommies by their child and then a paragraph of answers to questions such as "How old is your mommy?", "How much does she weigh?", "What would you find her doing around your house?", "What TV shows does your mommy watch?" and "Why do you love her and she you?".  Mary did the book last year and Chuck and I sat in bed giggling for an hour at all of the drawings and answers. Some mommies liked to watch soap operas, others drank wine and liked to lay in their beds.  One mommy yelled all the time. I was apparently busy cleaning a lot (anyone who knew me well got a good laugh out of that one) and we were all about 100 years old and weighed around 40 pounds. 

The drawings, which the teacher put all together on the last page in a collage, are really spectacular -- a mishmash of pig noses and long sleazy earrings. Some had mohawks, others fangs. One mom's face was just a jumble of squiggle lines. I've been looking forward to Kate bringing home her book this year.

Everyone gets a copy so we all get to be both embarrassed and entertained at the same time. This year I was pleased to see that Kate put that I only watched "Dragon Tales" and she thinks I love her because she has "shiny hair" and "pretty eyes." Two things I tell her on a regular basis and it makes my heart sing that she takes those compliments in. I was in the clear again this year! My sister-in-law, not quite as lucky. 

Kate and my nephew Hunter are in the same class, and he is what we like to call a "character." He's funny, and he and his brother like to torment their poor, innocent little mommy. While we all know that most of the information is not wholly true -- like the fact that some mommies just snuggle in their beds all day -- we do assume there is probably a little nugget of truth (she probably snuggles in her bed a lot on Sundays).

Well, Hunter decided to COMPLETELY make up about 80 percent of his answers. He got right that my sister-in-law likes to clean the kitchen and living room, but he then decided to inform the teacher that she liked to watch "scary shows where the skeletons come out of the walls and the good guys have fire." This one statement has been the source of endless laughing for not only me, but my entire family. It's so hilarious because Joey (my sister-in-law) is the biggest ninny there is and would never in a million years watch a scary movie, much less let her 5-year-old watch one. She is completely mortified that people are going to think she watches horror movies with her children every night. 

Hunter also told the teacher that he "doesn't know why my mommy loves me" and that he loves her "because she cooks food for me." This is funny because she avoids cooking like the plague. 

I reassured her that everyone would have to know he made the movie stuff up and I think she believed me. I believed me, until I got a phone call from another mommy in our class. We were laughing about the book when she asked "what is that movie that Joey watches where skeletons come out of the walls?!" 

Don't believe everything you read...

Comments

[Julie]

Great story! I love the stuff they come up with before their social filters are in place!

[RobinP]

That is hysterical. I wish our school did something like that. Well....maybe not.

This reminds me of a few months ago when Lillianna came home from school to tell me that she and her friends had been talking about how old their parents are.
(This is first grade!)

Lillianna said, "Ya, some kids said their parents were in their twenties or thirties or forties. I said you were WAY in your forties( I'm 42...is that "way"?) and that dad......he was in his twenties. (long pause here- she was thinking and I was too stunned to speak at this point) The kids kind of stared at me,Mom."

When I finally caught my breath I shrieked, "TWENTIES??????? You said Daddy was in his TWENTIES???????? Oh, but you got I was in my forties. Daddy is 38.THIRTY-EIGHT!!!!! He hasn't been in his twenties for quite some time now!!!!!! How could he be in his twenties when you know we found out I was pregnant on Daddy's THIRTIETH birthday?????"

I couldn't stop laughing even though I was a little bit horrified!!!! She finally said, "Hmmm, I wonder if that's why everyone was staring at me." Ya think???????

[Nicola]

Jennifer, that is hilarious. I was sitting at work laughing out loud. What a wonderful gift those teachers give to you moms every year. Too funny.

[bethany]

ROTFL

This is hilarious! I am in *so* much trouble when my little one gets to be that age--let's pray they don't make one of these book. He is what you have deemed *a character* and I can only imagine what will be written about me! :-) Yikes!