The babysitting dilemma

By Lauri Jon

We just purchased a house in Studio City, California, and although we're not fully moved in, we've begun to meet our neighbors.

The family next door has two preteen girls, one 12 and the other 10. The 10-year-old, Molly, has really taken to Maricella and has been over nearly every afternoon.

The girls both told me that they're available for babysitting and I thanked them and said I'd let them know when I needed some extra help.

The only person to ever watch Maricella while I was out of the house, besides her father, has been her paternal grandmother. And while I babysat for a neighbor girl overnight while I was just 11, I'm not ready to turn my rambunctious toddler over to anyone that young.

So as a compromise, I took Molly up on her offer to babysit while I continued to paint Maricella's bedroom. I let her watch Maricella in the house and I came out of the room to check on them every once in a while. It was helpful to have her there, but I had to intervene a few times, so my instincts about needing to supervise was spot on. If I need uninterrupted help, I'll have to find a qualified adult to babysit.

What age person do you let babysit your child?

Comments

[Maria P.]

Uh ok besides all the babysitter spam here...

I can completely relate. There are very few people I will leave my kids with, even now at the ages of 5 and 3. Not even a handful of them.

I babysat when I was a 'tween too. However in all my years as a parent so far I have not been comfortable with leaving my children with anyone under the age of 18. I know of some people who do and that is fine if they are comfortable with that.

[Terry Wood]

I am Terry Wood,i am a Director/Artist,i am base here in London,UK,i will be coming to the states,i am coming there to feature in a producer's new film and also will be launching my Album There ,i will be coming to the state with my three year old son John,he is a good boy and you will like him at sight,i saw your advert on the internet and i am really delighted to tell you that i would want my son to be in your care, so i want you to know that i will be bringing him to you by 8am or (if you would want to babysit him in my house then no problem) and he will be closing up later in the day during the time you are done,I want to know your total cost,cos he will be staying with you for a month I will be waiting for your email
at ([email protected])

Terry Wood

[Terry Wood]

Hello-
How are you doing? i hope you are cool and fine. Could you please babysit my son for me from 9am to 5pm,If so please Kindly mail me back for more Details and i will get back to you as soon as possible.Thanks
here is my Email address [email protected]
Terry Wood

[Terry Wood]

Hello-
How are you doing? i hope you are cool and fine. Could you please babysit my son for me from 9am to 5pm,If so please Kindly mail me back for more Details and i will get back to you as soon as possible.Thanks
here is my Email address [email protected]
Terry Wood

[miranda]

im really responsable i under stand how hard it is to trust some body else with your child i like being around kids im good at litening and talking directons im patient and funny and i will make sure your child is safe and im trust worthy ihope you find the baby sitter your looking for even if its not me

[miranda]

im really responsable i under stand how hard it is to trust some body else with your child i like being around kids im good at litening and talking directons im patient and funny and i will make sure your child is safe and im trust worthy ihope you find the baby sitter your looking for even if its not me

[jillian gutimez]

I am 10 1/2 and I am a realy reasponsible person.I have taught my 4 year old sister how to read and write,clean up her room and behave.I have gotten really nice comments from people about my babysitting skills.

[Cadi]

My name is Cadi, and I live in Tucson, Arizona. I babysat a baby from his newborn years until now, which is when he is four. I also babysat a newborn baby a couple of times.

Email me at [email protected] if you ever need a babysitter

[Lindsey]

My name is Lindsey, I am 10 years old and live in TN. I babysit a 18 month old,3 year old,& help with a 4 month old. I am very responsible and mature, you ask my parents & my clients!

If you ever need a babysitter email me at [email protected]

[Lisa]

I agree that it's so much about individual sitters.(and not about definite ages for sitters) Usually if they grew up with younger siblings and were expected to help alot, they tend to just have a really good instinct with kids of all ages. I think what you did--being home while the girl kind of babysat while you painted is an EXCELLENT way to get a feel for someone. I did this several times when my kids were little. You get to peek in and get a real feel of how they are handling things. I also tended to 'stay close-by' for the first few times I tried a new sitter just in case. I think finding a babysitter, especially when your kids are under 2 or 3 (before they can start telling you how they like someone) is one of the HARDEST jobs a parent must tackle. Best of luck. Like everyone keeps saying, go with your gut feeling and instinct.

[kat]

Oh this question brings up such different answers, doesn't it!

As a former teenage babysitter and nanny, I was surprised at how differently I viewed the situation when I became a parent. The perspective is completely differnet being a caregiver than being the parent -- the parent is much more anxious and worrisome!

For times when I am running errands around town or will be in the area, I am okay with a younger sitter but I usually like my sitters to be around 15 or older.

For nighttime babysitting, I have a few on-call sitters who are in high school or are local college students.

I always spend time with a new sitter at the beginning just to get a feel for how they interact and how much at ease they feel with a child.

Some of them have a more natural parenting, motherly feel and those, I have found are usually the best babysitters.

[Peyton]

I've been on both ends of this dilemma. I babysat extensively in middle school and high school and was CPR-certified twice. I sat for infants and 8 year olds. Now that I have a daughter (who is seven months old), we've had to leave her with a sitter on a few occasions since we don't have any family in the area. My sitter was a nanny in college, and is currently a 24-year-old Ph.D. student. She's very responsible. I just couldn't see leaving my DD with a high-schooler, at least for the next few years.

[Nicola]

For a baby, you really need an adult babysitter if you're going to be out of the house. There are too many factors that require maturity, the understanding of emergency situations, and general adult parenting skills when dealing with a baby. I think that as children get older and are more able to "fend for themselves" (ie dial 911, tell you if something has happened while you were away, express their needs and know who to go to if there is trouble), we can choose a younger (yet mature and trusted) babysitter.

As with many other here, though, I babsat a family of 4 children at only age 12, the youngest being an infant at the time. They are still great friends to me and their oldest had his first child the same year that I had mine. Even so, those parents were crazy!

[RobinP]

My sister was born when I was 11 1/2 years old. All the neighbors on my street saw how good I was with her so they always called me to babysit for their children. At that age, I was very responsible.

That being said, I would never have left Lillianna with someone that age when she was younger. I guess that's kind of hypocritical but I defiinitely think differently as a mom than I did as a pre-teen babysitter. Lillianna has only been cared for by my family and best friend all these years when we have needed a babysitter.

Now that Lillianna is 7, her babysitter is a 14 year old girl that we met through Lilliana's dancing school. Her mom is one of the dance teachers and Lindsey has helped out at dance camp in the summer. Lillianna loves her and it's someone that I trust.

Follow your instincts. That will always be your best guide!

[Dori]

I dont use them only because my mother lives closeby. However, my daughter is almost 11 and is all signed up for the American Red Cross babysitter's course for next month. Between the course and being a member of a group who works with the autistic kids in her school, she has a lot of experience dealing with children, including those with disabilities such as autism. While I wouldnt mind her babysitting right down the street for preschool aged and older children, I do not think she is ready for infants and toddlers. Some things just come with age, and while she is on the right path, she is still only 10-11 years old and very much a young girl herself.

[Liz]

Until my son was nearly two, only family had babsat him. At about a year and a half, we moved away from family, so no more family baby sitters. For the next few years, only adults sat him. Once he was about 4, a neighbor's 12 year old son starting baby sitting with my son. My son adored that young man! A few years later, our sitter's younger brother started sitting.

I would agree with those who have suggested that you continue with the neighbors as mother's helpers while you are home. Perhaps they can graduate into sitters when your daughter is a bit older and the girls are a bit more mature and used to your daughter.

Trust your instincts!

[Eli]

I don't have kids, but I babysat, starting at 12. I had a substitute teacher in one of my classes ask if anyone wanted to help out at an in-home family child care center after school. I worked there for the next 4 years, and gradually babysat for more and more of the kids who went there. I think it was really good for me and for the kids. It got me used to responsibility, gave me a small income, and I loved it. The kids got a role-model closer to their own age, which they loved. Someone who was more of a mentor than exactly a parent.

I would let the girls next door take care of her while you're around the house, and see how things go. You can get a feel for their judgement, and whether they make decisions that you agree with. You can also ask that they take an infant/child cpr class. The red cross and the ymca offer them, I think. I would make sure that they aren't likely to get distracted by anything else while in charge of Marcella -- no friends visiting or phone calls -- and that they know they shouldn't hesitate to call you on a cell phone if they have any questions. Think about your worst fears, whether those fears are dependent on the age of the caregiver, and how you could address them ahead of time.

I think that one of the key things that made me a good babysitter was that I always brought over a surprise -- books and toys from my childhood that the kids didn't have at home. It kept me interested and it kept the kids interested. Kids get into a lot more trouble when they're bored.

[patrice]

it definitely depends on the babysitter and babysittee. is maricella pretty easygoing or high needs? is the babysitter flighty or pretty grounded? but I'm sure you know all that.

I was a "mother's helper" (doing the babysitting while the mother was still in the house) for our neighbors when I was about 12 or 13, when I had already established a babysitting routine for my sister's kids - and I found that the mother's helper job was MUCH more stressful and difficult than straight up babysitting. partially because like the other commenter, I didn't want to mess up, and partly because the kids were aware that mommy was still in the house, so they acted out alot to get her attention. it was not fun.

with my own older child, who is now 12, I don't think he's nearly ready to babysit. though he's good with kids, is well spoken, and would probably enjoy it. I've seen him in pressure situations, and it wouldn't be good. so I guess you need to get to know the babysitter-wannabe and see how she pans out...good luck!

[Don]

Yep, definitely too many variables for a simple answer. In response to the same question posed elsewhere one answer made me think. It went something like this:

How old would someone have to be, to be trusted with your brand new $80,000 Mercedes or your one-of-a-kind fully restored 1960 classic roadster? Why would you trust anyone younger with something you hold more dearly and which is far more complicated?

As for me, I've just got one 18 month old who's only been sat by grandparents, aunts and uncles.

[Libby]

As a non-parent, I can't really tell you. I baby-sat extensively when I was younger, though. I began sitting for my siblings when I was eleven. By thirteen or so, I was taking occasional jobs outside the home. By sixteen, I was baby-sitting regularly for several families.

I don't think I was a truly competent baby-sitter at any age until I'd had a chance to get to know the children. By the fourth or fifth time I came over, I usually had a feel for what would work with a particular child and what would not. Before that, it was trial-and-error, often tending towards error. Kids liked me, but it took a while for me to master the switch from buddy to authority figure and back again.

It might be worthwhile to point out that I rarely feel comfortable watching children with their parents still in the house. I suppose I feel like I'm walking a line between my territory and theirs, never sure when I'm stepping over. I can't just pretend the parent isn't there, and I'm terrified of making a bad impression.

I went from "so-so but caring babysitter" to "excellent babysitter" when some very specific parents gave me a chance, but also taught me how to cope with THEIR children's needs. By explaining house rules, discipline issues, foods, and expectations, I suddenly knew what I had to do for their unique children... more or less.

It seems all anyone can really tell you is to trust your instincts, which you're doing already. You'll do whatever it takes to keep Maricella safe and happy, even if it means waiting a couple of years before leaving her with the girls next door.

[Jaimek]

I am not yet a parent, but I did babysit for one family for years starting at age 12. The mother started off by having me come over every Tuesday after school for a few hours. She would stay at the house and eventually she left on short errands. As our trust built the long she would leave and eventually they had me coming over on weekend nights. It worked out great and we all (mother, father, baby, and I) had a fantastic bond.

[Kris]

I guess it varies with maturity and the age of your child. But you have a great opportunity to mold these girls from mommy's helpers to full-fledged sitters. Lucky you!