By Cooper
We have these three neighbor boys -- they are good kids, for the most part and, the majority of the time, they are polite. But what I notice most about them is that they are here every day, all day.
"So what?" you might say. Or, perhaps you think, "It keeps your kids busy, right? Go with it!"
I tried that line of rationalization.
Lately, I have been telling myself: "My kids are creating memories. They are learning how to interact with peers. It is important to establish bonds in the neighborhood!"
But, when it comes down to it, dealing with seven little kids, by myself, all afternoon, is a pain in the ass.
Yep. I am griping. Sorry. But I am still recovering from the Armageddon of the other day.
Have you ever had a parenting moment in which you think, "This will be great!" and it turns into a huge disaster? Well, I do that regularly, but when I brought out the paints late Wednesday afternoon, I really should have known better.
I felt so good about it at first. I had a large, white sheet and paints in a rainbow of colors (the box said washable!). I spread out the sheet and said, "Kids, paint this with pictures or your names and we will turn it into a really cool picnic blanket!"
"Wow!" the kids shouted. The neighbor boys said, "This is soooooo cool!"
So, off I trotted, the baby in my arms, smug in the notion that I was giving the kids a "creative" and "proactive" project to do.
About eight minutes later the first scream came. The kids were throwing jars of paint at each other and then, in a "Lord of the Flies"/"Apocalypse Now" re-enactment, covering themselves, and each other, head to toe, in every hue.
But it did not stop there. Outdoor furniture, flower beds, the kitchen door, the dog. Nothing was left untouched. Through this, I am (unsuccessfully) attempting, with all my motherly, stern-voiced power, to stop the out of control, vivid riot in my back yard while running interference so they did not step one foot inside.
"But Mom, I want to see myself in the mirror!" my 3-year-old son kept wailing.
(Please note, I am also holding a screaming one-year-old at the time.)
Then, for some reason (it was the dinner hour, after all, so perhaps the kids had worked up an appetite), they stopped their rampage and let me spray them off. The hose didn't take anything off their clothes but, maybe, a little bit off their feet, legs, arms and faces.
"Your mother is going to kill me," I told the neighbor boys.
The oldest one winked (yes, he winked) and said, "I'll cover for ya."
At that point I picked up the sheet and realized most of our lovely, brick patio looked like it was covered in the aftermath of a Grateful Dead concert. The hose, even at full speed, did nothing to wash away the spirit of tie dye.
A couple glasses of wine and a bucket of paint thinner later, the patio and I were doing better. When my husband got home he asked why I had a purple streak in my hair and a green hand print on my rear end.
I told him about my brilliant art project idea.
"What were you thinking?" he laughed.
I just looked at him (I tried to smile, really) and said, "Haven't you ever heard the expression about the road to Hell?"
Cooper is the parent of two girls and two boys, ages eight to one. She lives in Pittsburgh, Pa., with her husband and children.
Loved reading this! Pictured it vividly. My sister cops this everyday; she has three boys under six, and at least three neighbourhood children land on her doorstep after school. She works to keep the peace and make sure they're safe. She told me the other day that one of the mothers came over and said "I love how the children play together in the afternoon. I'm able to have a sleep most afternoons"!!!!! My sister laughed til she almost cried when she was telling me. She could merely respond to the mother with "I wouldn't mind a bit of that!" As yet it hasn't been recipricated!! And she's not holding her breath! I think your idea was fantastic, and you'll have a great laugh with your kids about it when they are older... Is this any consolation???!!!... Naomi
Posted by: naomi | June 29, 2005 at 12:19 AM
Yikes! That sounds like pure hell.
Posted by: kelly | June 28, 2005 at 08:24 PM
Oh man, Cooper, you make me feel so good about MY day, which has had its crises, but nothing compared to Armageddon! It might have been bad for you, but at least you gave me a good laugh.
Posted by: Emily | June 28, 2005 at 03:54 PM
I have soooo done this! You have this sudden burst of creativity and think, "wow, the kids will just love this!", and somehow, by the time you are done, you just can't believe how utterly stupid you must have been!! LOL I'm sorry such a fiasco ensued.
I found that doing suncatchers is a fun and easy one, without too much mess! LOL (But I'd usually take my post about 2 feet from them when they'd do these too!)
Have a good one!
Posted by: jlybn | June 28, 2005 at 03:29 PM