Taking a breather

By Kelly

Several friends have recently told me they think I'm trying to do too much. I don't believe that can be true because I never get anything done. Also, I have selective hearing and filtered out the word "trying."

As I stared at this week's to-do list -- the one that grew exponentially rather than shrinking as any good to-do list should -- I think I realized what my friends meant.

I'm trying to do way more things than any one person should try to do, especially one who is mostly busy trying to effectively parent a toddler and a teenager at the same time. Having a second child so long after the first allowed for a little too much forgetting.

I forgot that I wouldn't be able to finish a thought most days, or that there would be a period of time during which communication would happen at full-volume on repeat, and that I would crumble into a drooling heap every night, no longer able to string three coherent words together.

Perhaps setting out to instantly create the writing, gardening, marketing life I've been itching for a decade to get started on is biting off more than I can chew.

In recent weeks I've become so overwhelmed with all of the plans I've made and told a thousand people about, that instead of taking the actions and crossing the things off the list, I've simply crossed them off undone. No chickens. Forget about the big farmers' market. College will have to wait a bit longer than a year. Forget about working on that novel for now. No turning the front yard into a perennial haven yet. Maybe next spring I'll plant fruit trees. Beekeeping? Am I crazy? Hey! How about that dog?

Letting go of some of those things for the time being brought some relief, but I'm still struggling with feeling like I'm drowning in Things To Do. I hear this internal clock ticking -- not the "gotta have a baby" clock, that clock's been thrown against the wall and smashed to pieces. This is the "I'm not getting any younger, and I sure am ready to do what I want to do with my life" clock.

I've had this terrible cough since early spring. It weighs my chest down and makes me feel like I'm breathing toxic water while running on a treadmill. Today it occurred to me that maybe my body is telling me the same thing that my friends have been telling me for months.

I'm trying to do too much.

Kelly Ferry lives in Northeast Ohio with her husband, teen son, and toddler daughter. She writes when she can, thinks about writing when she can't, and knows more will be revealed.

Comments

[Heidi]

Part of simplifying for me involves enjoying the things I do have time for. I was so busy being busy this past winter that the moment was lost. My to do list was too long. No way to get it all done. I lost the joy in the little things. Getting dinner on the table and everyone sitting at the same time is HUGE. I want my novel and career to be significant parts of my day, but my life is set up for family duties first. I can't do it all at the same time, so I find myself shortening the list and reprioritizing from time to time. I believe mothers/fathers can have family and careers and hobbies and a social life and have causes. We just have to be really creative and forgiving about the way we schedule it all.

Good post. It helps to be reminded that many struggle with the balance.

[RobinP]

I recently began to tune in to the voice that asks "what the heck do you want to be when you grow up?" Hmmm....at 42 I have to start making choices, don't I?

Unlike you, I don't make any to-do lists. That would just make me feel sad if I couldn't get everything done. I prefer living in denial for as long as I can. It kind of works for me.

As mothers, we have to realize that we are already doing a lot!!! I think it was Dr.Phil who said that some type of research was done and for all the determintation,focus,enthusiasm and dedication it takes to be a mom, it would take 3 full-time business employees to match it in their own career.

Think about that when you cross off your to-do list and give yourself a break.

[Julie]

My mother told me the same thing over Christmas break when my husband was away for a job interview and I was taking care of an 18-month-old all by myself-- because my daughter had a severe case of mommy-itis and my family was playing "hands-off" so they wouldn't have to deal with a screaming toddler.

Aargh. What a bad thing to remember. I'm glad it's over.

I've decided to give myself a break too. Instead of working on my manuscript (which I've devoted the past year to), I'm reading and enjoying time with my family in the warm weather. It's important that we moms give ourselves a break every once and a while, as I've recently realized myself. It helps preserve one's sanity.