By Elizabeth L-B
When I was in elementary school, my father once left a note on the door of the bedroom that my older sister and I shared:
P and E -- Your bedroom smells like an elephant died in there, but it's such a mess, I can't find the body. Please clean it up.
Over the next 20 years or so, my organizing and cleaning skills improved. I never had a place that looked like something out of Martha Stewart, but my home was never so messy that I was embarassed to have people over.
Things have gone downhill since the boys were born. I work full-time and spend most of my non-work time with the boys. When the boys finally settle for the evening, I'm a lot more inclined to read a book, check out my favorite blogs, or try to fit in a bit of exercise than I am to vacuum the living room. Tony does some cleaning, but it's far from his top priority either. Both of us find it discouraging how quickly the boys can turn a room that you just spent an hour cleaning into a disaster zone. (Yes, I suppose it's an improvement that Nicholas is dumping the bookshelves onto a clean carpet.)
Having people over isn't much fun these days, because it usually involves an exhausting whirlwhind of cleaning to make the house presentable. (We recently hired a new babysitter, and I found myself frantically scrubbing the downstairs bathroom half an hour before she was due to arrive.) I tell myself that anyone who cares more about the house than our company isn't worth having as a friend, and yet I still cringe a little as I hear the Cheerios crunching underfoot.
Last week, I think we hit bottom. At least I sincerely hope that this is bottom. After returning from a long weekend, I discovered a sippy cup of milk that had fallen behind the toy chest in the boys' bedroom. I dumped the main chunk of sour milk into the toilet, rinsed the cup out, and left it soaking in the kitchen sink. Half an hour later, I realized that some of the "curds" in the sink were moving -- ack! yeck! maggots! We scrubbed the sink thoroughly and poured bleach down the drain, but an hour later we were still tracking down the survivors squirming their way up from the disposal. (Shudder.)
I'm not sure how we're going to turn things around (yes, I've heard of FlyLady), but something has to change. I'm not sure I'd want to visit someone else's house that had gotten this bad. We can't live like this.
Elizabeth L-B lives with her husband and two sons in Alexandria, Va., just across the river from Washington, D.C., where she works for the federal government, mostly on welfare policy.
The number of tasks that you do in life is somehow directly proportional to your age. Well, that's gonna change after you retire. But what's now is now. It seems kinda hard to look for the perfect time to clean everything, so there are times when you can just ask expert cleaners to do the job for you.
Posted by: Brain Ventris | November 10, 2011 at 01:32 PM
Nicola - Thanks for the post. My family drives me crazy with their "non-cleaning" attitude. I have 3 kids: 8,14, 17 and 1 husband and 2 cats. I don't think anyone actually "cleans". Maybe picks up a little, shoves things in a closet, etc. Anyway, I like the 30 minutes a night comment. I think I could swing this with the hubby and maybe even the teens. Thanks so much. Maybe there is a light at the end of the hallway. :)
Mel (Work full-time and then some)
Clean-Freak-With-Dirty-House
Posted by: Melodie Turk | March 05, 2007 at 06:52 PM
At least you have someone coming to your house to insite a cleaning whirlwind. I just moved to the boondocks and we got a dog (as a night guardsman). He spreads trash all over the yard. Also, the children have completely covered the floor of the "family" room and are not allowed in there except to clean up their mess. Guess what? They don't go in there. I have needlework projects piling up by my livingroom chair. We made a family project of digging out the girls' bedroom, but my son's bedroom isn't far behind his sisters'. My room is a vacuum occasionally and wash the sheets when I have time (yeah, right) zone too. I'm tired; I'm looking for something that works. I've used mymessyhouse.com successfully in the past, but that was with only two children. With the move, it's taking me much longer to come out of post-partum depression and get my housekeeping back on its feet than it did after the girls. :-(
Posted by: SugarBear7852 | September 23, 2006 at 10:46 PM
I haven't had maggots (or should I say, yet?) but have a similar story involving a fruit fly infestation that occured after someone left a half-eaten peach in a bowl under some newspapers in our dining room for several weeks. I screamed like a girl when I finally found it and lifted off the newspapers, and a horrid swarm of fruit flies rose up out of the bowl. All I have to say is, I would have just taken that sippy cup out to the trash and not bothered cleaning it out.
Posted by: landismom | August 04, 2005 at 07:04 AM
did you ever hear "Housework" performed by Carol Channing on the Marlo Thomas "Free To Be You and Me" album? It's classic.
excerpt:
"Your mommy hates housework.
Your daddy hates housework.
I hate housework, too.
And when you grow up, so will you."
love it.........
Posted by: kristin | August 01, 2005 at 09:46 AM
I can relate to the sippee cup debacle. We had guests last weekend. One father went looking for a sippee cup for his son. He reached into the sippee cup cabinet and pulled out a cup that had warm milk in it. I was mortified, but at least he understood.
Posted by: Julie | July 31, 2005 at 10:59 AM
I have just stopped cring because the condition my house is in...I have 4 children ages 11yr-1yr.
My husband works full time, I run a business out of my home and I also attend school. All I can look forward to are the days my children are all grow and out.I am at the point of think if I just move, maybe it would be easier with a new start.Cluter=My Life
Posted by: terrie | July 31, 2005 at 01:36 AM
First of all, I can relate completely. You are not alone in this problem.
Second, if at all possible, you might want to have a cleaning person or service come in every other week and take some of the load off your shoulders. They can't be there every night to tidy up, but they can take over most of the routine cleaning so that you have less guilt and more time with those you love.
Posted by: Gina | July 29, 2005 at 04:21 AM
I can SO relate! Not to the maggots, thank goodnes, but, I did once have about a quarter inch of milk in a sippy cup that was so congealed it stuck through three dishwasher cycles! ICK. And the frantic cleaning for the babysitter? I work until 9:00 p.m and my husband plays volleyball on Thursdays, so we have a sitter each week for a few hours. Every Thursday a.m. I "suddenly" remember that someone else will be in the house when I get hame and I race around for half an hour trying to clean the bathroom, put away piles of mail, papers, art projects, sweep (Oh my god, you actually vacuum???)...all before heading out the door at 8:00 am. One of these weeks I'm going to remember to do this on Wednesday night. Tonight as I was getting my daughter ready for bed, she announcned that she and the baby sitter had been looking for something in "mommy and daddy's bedroom". Yikes - my one "Need not clean" zone had been ivaded and seen. Oh well. What does a nineteen year old care about the hygenic state of my house anyway? I enoyed your post - happy vacuuming!
Posted by: Tami | July 29, 2005 at 12:52 AM
Oh, yuck. I have a massive fear of maggots. When I was living in Toronto, our 3rd floor deck was being repaired, so we had to move our large trash can into the kitchen--also on the 3rd floor. A garbage bag got a rip in it and a pork chop bone fell out and sat in the can for a couple of weeks before it was noticed. This led to the "no, that's not rice" infestation of 91. Shudder.
Posted by: LPF | July 28, 2005 at 10:11 PM
ew! maggots. : )
that is really gross.
Posted by: a | July 28, 2005 at 03:13 PM
Elizabeth, I know how you feel. I too work full time, parent the other half of my time, and have the unfortunate pleasure of being a born neat freak. I keep the house manageable in a few different ways.
Every night, *every single night*, after Kellan is asleep, I clean for 1/2 hour. Not all night, but just 30 minutes. In that time I can do the bathroom, or dust the house, or mop the floors. One job a night keeps the house clean all week, it really works. And I still have the rest of the evening for "me" time.
My husband and I share the duty each evening of putting away all of the toys and books. Everything has a place, a basket or a shelf, so the job takes about 5 minutes and we have an organised house again.
Each morning while Kellan finishes his last few mouthfuls of breakfast, I clean up the kitchen. Wipe everything down and make sure that all of the dishes are put away. If you do it every day, it only takes a couple of minutes.
And I save vacuuming for the weekend. Its the one job that can't be done when Kellan is in bed. Nic takes him for a walk or plays w/ him outside while I vacuum the house.
Anyway, that's how we do it. We both work full time and are home with Kellan full time on opposite shifts (in other words, we have a toddler in the house at all times!), but our house remains clean enough to satisfy this neat freak.
Posted by: Nicola | July 28, 2005 at 02:52 PM
OK, Flylady may not save you from maggot-y milk (hey, it happens to the best of us) but she did save my sanity when I became a SAHM. 3 years later my home is livable, and can be revived in 15 minutes if needed. Plus I have way more time to check out cool blogs like DotCom Moms!
Posted by: Lee | July 28, 2005 at 12:53 PM
That's disgusting! My wife is a clean freak so I think that would have induced an immediate comma.
Posted by: Jason Berggren | July 28, 2005 at 07:45 AM
FlyLady may be a bit drastic for your case, Elizabeth! Besides, what's it with the insect image? What you and I need is a good long weekend to soak in the tub that someone else has scrubbed, that's what! :)
Some days, when I'm sick of wearing shoes around the house because going barefoot could cause serious bodily harm, I turn to my husband and ask, "Where's Denise?"
"Denise?" he whispers, furrowing his brow in feigned wonder. We don't know anyone named Denise.
"You know," I say in a matter-of-fact tone. "Our housecleaner?"
Posted by: Christine Hohlbaum | July 28, 2005 at 06:16 AM
Beware of flylady...
a whole bunch of emails that seem to fill up your inbox... I just found my FlyLady "notebook" which I don't think I have opened since I printed it all out and put it together. what a shame, I wish it had seemed more appealing, but those emails start to get so daunting.
sigh I so wish I could do it!
Posted by: Blair | July 28, 2005 at 12:41 AM