Middle-aged Mom

By Donna

After years of struggling with infertility, I finally got pregnant at 39, and gave birth to my daughter just one month before my 40th birthday.

I didn't feel any angst at turning 40; not like I did a decade earlier, when I was despairing that I might never find a man to settle down and start a family with. I got married at 36, and thanks to my beautiful baby girl, I was in a blissful haze at 40. Plus, I didn't have to go to work on my actual birthday, because I was still on maternity leave.

I'm 49 now, and I can see clearly. And what I see is that Megan is going to be 10 soon, which means I'm going to be 50… and that sounds old. Fifty is the age of somebody's grandmother, not a room mom. At 50, you are supposed to be settled and looking forward to retirement, not PTA meetings.

The mothers of Megan's friends are a good 15 to 20 years younger than I am. Some of them have tattoos (a style I've never grown to accept!) and multiple piercings (all I can say is "ugh!"). There's a generation gap between us that doesn't show up as long as we're doing school things, but gets in the way sometimes. At the Book Fair, they wax on about how much they loved Judy Blume. I never read her books, I was already out in the work force when they were published. I remember the day JFK was killed and watching the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. They weren't even born yet.

But in the end, it doesn't matter. We all have one very important thing in common: We love our kids and we want to give them everything we can. And that's something we can do at any age.

Donna is a San Fernando Valley wife and mother.

Comments

[angel]

My friends (and fellow school parents) are five to ten years older than me, and their kids are on average five years younger than mine. I’m often “ignored” because I’m younger (and tattooed- teehee).

[Lizzie]

Great post, Donna! I gave birth to my fourth and youngest child at 37, and don't know how I'll feel when she starts kindergarten in another year, when I will be 42.

The idea of her starting kindergarten soon totally knocks my socks off, as it is.

Middle-aged is just a state of mind...and that's what I'm sticking with, anyway.

[Nicola]

Yet men have babies at much later ages and nobody thinks anything of it. My husband was 46 when Kellan was born, but he's never mentioned it as a factor in socialising with the other dads. Among the men in our playgroup, fatherhood seems to erase all thoughts of age, race, politics, religion, etc. They join together in a mutual society of "Can you believe we're dads?". Perhaps we ladies need to take a lesson from the guys (just this once!).

[Jen]

((Hugs)) Donna! You certainly don't look like you're going to be 50! Having met you in real life, you may not get tattoos or multiple body piercings, but you are still much hipper and much cooler than you have let on here! :) But I can understand -- I live in a college town and see students whom I could have given birth to. It's weird!

[*AGK*]

I have the opposite generation gap problem: I'm the young mom while all the other moms of high schoolers are 15-20 years older. So, for me, I stand out on the other end :) And agree -- in the end, all that matters is the love for our kids, not our age!

[LauriJon]

Middle-aged moms are all the rage now! (At least they are in the major metros like NYC and LA.) I had My daughter Maricella at 42 and she's nearly 2 years old now. I've done the math too, when she's 10, I'll be 52. In playgroups now I'm usually one of the oldest moms, and I know that will also be true once she starts school. And I feel that that will be one of mine and her advantages, as with age comes wisdom and grace and hopefully a bigger sense of humor. My biggest challenge now is just meeting more moms in the sfv with toddlers Maricella's age.

[Mel]

I hear you . . . my last daughter was born when I was 38. I don't get tattoos, either, and I'm always the oldest mom, or almost!