I'm back, with bells on

By Kelly

I'm hitting a milestone in my marriage. Our two-year anniversary is coming up in another month and our baby turned two a month ago. For the first time in those two years, I am consistently and enthusiastically interested in my husband's affection.

I think it's because I'm feeling more autonomous, and am finally emerging from the fog of having a baby, moving to a new state, and not earning my own money. This year I have begun to build several friendships that I'm hopeful will be lifelong, and this summer I started my market garden business.

Four Saturdays in a row I've sold out of my organically grown, heirloom produce at the local farmers' market. My repeat customers say how wonderful my veggies taste, and are thrilled at the more exotic selection, and I seem to be the only vendor offering items beyond the standard fare.

I'm feeling connected and appreciated in a way that I didn't even realize I missed this much, and it's affecting my relationship. I can remember how shockingly drab and lifeless I felt after moving here, how Chris' complements felt like meaningless words to me, how much easier it was to push him away than to surrender to the goodness of being together when I felt so bad about myself.

I'm once again seeing him as my partner in fulfilling both of our needs, rather than as one more need that I have to fulfill. Of course, now that the tide is turning, we have to take care of making sure we don't end up back where we started, with another baby and the fog moving back in.

Kelly Ferry lives in Northeast Ohio with her husband, teen son, and toddler daughter. She writes when she can, thinks about writing when she can't, and knows more will be revealed.

Comments

[Jo]

Good for you for not only being able to figure out how to make yourself happy but also for being able to take a second look at your marriage and realize how much it means! :)

[Bev]

You've given me courage that I may yet come out of the fog. My son is 18 months and I am feeling all consumed by motherhood. Not that motherhood is bad, but I'd like to find my autonomy again...someday.