Is one more blue crayon drawing too much to ask?

By Suzanne

On the first day of kindergarten, my oldest son brought home a scrawled crayon drawing accompanied by this verse: "Here I am so you can see I'm in kindergarten and happy as can be." The picture sort of looks like a little blue alien. His baby book is full of early school papers and pictures -- drawings of his family (we all look like aliens), handprints out of paint, and descriptions of our family ("I hate my brother," "My sister cries all the time," My dad likes sports," "My mom has a garden.")

The first day of school, we took a picture of him standing at the door, backpack on his back filled with new crayons and markers and glue, ready to start the long adventure of his formal education. He was a little scared, a lot shy, but eager and excited to be a big boy who went to school. I was eager and excited to only have two children, instead of three, at home all day with me. 

At the school, all the mothers followed the new kindergartners down the hall to watch them put their backpacks away and be seated at the little tables in their little chairs. It was all very cute. The mothers hung around and hung around and hung around. The principal came down and promised everyone their children would have a great day and all the mothers kept hanging around. Most of them were wiping their eyes and some of them were introducing themselves to each other and planning the first school party and the cookies.

I tore myself away fairly early. I stayed long enough to see that my shy boy was handling it, and I danced out to the parking lot with my other two children in tow, celebrating the advancement toward my freedom. One down, two to go!

Now all three of my children have been in school for years. I've been through two more first kindergarten days and watched countless more mothers wiping their eyes outside the kindergarten classroom with their noses pressed to the glass window in the door, unable to tear themselves away. I never had much trouble tearing myself away. Two down, one to go! Three down -- lift-off!

And yet this school year I don't feel so eager. My oldest son starts high school this week. Where did the time go? How can he be going to ninth grade already? Child-rearing seems to last forever until you hit big milestones. The next time he starts a new school, it will be college! While he is at high school, he will learn to drive, maybe fall in love for the first time and discover what he wants to do when he grows up, make lifelong friends and get his feelings hurt a lot deeper than in kindergarten, and possibly do some other stuff that I will be better off not knowing about.

Why do people cry at the kindergarten door? They are still babies then, with their whole childhood stretching out before them. High school -- THAT'S the time to start crying!!  And yet I don't think there will be a gaggle of mothers gathering outside the ninth grade homeroom, wiping their eyes, noses pressed to the glass until the principal drags them away.

Well, maybe one. Me.

The rest of the mothers will probably be more cooperative about not embarrassing their children.

Do you think I could ask the homeroom teacher to make him draw a self-portrait of his first day so that I know he's okay? I miss blue crayon pictures.

Suzanne has been married for over 20 years and lives in small-town North Carolina with her three children.

Comments

[Catherine]

Hi Suzanne, I've been reading your posts and love your stories. Enjoy your 9-year-old while you can...perhaps you'd like to nominate her for New Moon magazine's special "25 Beautiful Girls" issue? It's all about inner beauty and encourages girls to be themselves. You can find all the info on the New Moon website. Hope you had a great summer. :)

[angel]

My baby starts high school next year. I can hardly believe it. apart from feeling oh so old… I will also be trying very hard not to embarrass him…

[Robin P]

This post totally bummed me out!
I thought I survived the worst....private pre-school and then kindergarten. Now you're telling me the worst is ahead of me???? I think I will buy some extra tissues tomorrow when I go school supply shopping with Lillianna. *sniff*
I would definitely ask the high school teacher to get your son to make a drawing for you. It may put him in years of therapy but....what are parents for??

[kacey]

I guess I should tell you by the time you send the 3rd one to high school it will be easier???

[Christina]

I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR! My oldest started high school yesterday and I'm feeling a bit of a confused, emotional mommy. I know he's growing up...too fast. I want him to be little again.

Like you, I rejoiced when all three of my children were finally all in school at the same time. I looked at the other moms crying and sniffling as their babies all went off to school and thought to myself, "Been there, done that, got over it." But I've been feeling exactly the same as you this week. I'm not ready for him to grow up. Even as my oldest, he's still my baby.

[Thomas McCroskey]

My wife had me take our girls in to their first day(s) of school, because she knew how tough it would be for her. And in a very touching way, I'm glad I did it because it was me who got to deal with that moment. Like you, I did think about the "one down, one to go" idea. But I also enjoyed dealing with that moment. I got to be the one whose heart ached. I got to be the one who pressed his face up to the door for one last look, and who self-consciously walked back to my car and went on to work. Oh, what a sweet pain!

[Michelle]

Awwww...such a nice story. It's tough watching them grow up, isn't it?

[Future Daddy]

Ladies, I'm rely on you to teach me a lot and so that I inform the guys what it takes to be a better dad!