Looking over the horizon

By Betsy

Unlike many mothers, I don't have the baby reflex. Sure, I'll gush over your baby -- but it doesn't make me want one of my own again. And seeing a cute kid -- no matter how adorable -- won't pull me wistfully back in time to when my own kids were babies.

Do I have fond memories of those days? Absolutely. But I'm just not wired to look over my shoulder. And while I thoroughly enjoy living in the moment, I can't help but look ahead, to anticipate what's next. 

Sometimes, that stance might makes life a bit unfair for the younger kid, of course. We used to joke that we wanted to fast-forward Zoe (now seven) when she was in the preverbal yet totally insistent toddler phase -- just far enough ahead where she could talk, was all. And that 4-year-old stubborness? Been there, done that -- can we just jump ahead, please?

But it's also been comforting to know that I can ease up when confronted with a bump in the road that I've seen before  -- that this too shall pass. And it's an attitude that meshes well with my kids' own personalities, whether they're focused on when my daughter can get pierced earrings or where my middle-school son Alex wants to go to high school (although I have to admit that my stomach just did a roll when I typed out 'high school', ack!)

Finally, I think it gives me an advantage at times. I was able to look ahead and gently counsel the kid approaching middle school that the social dynamics will be radically different, for example, rather than having us both being shocked! shocked! that middle schoolers haven't yet learned to be kind (they haven't, alas.) And I'm more willing to roll with behaviors or attitudes that might seem precocious at first, until I can look more closely and reassess my position.

So, sure, I'll hold your baby with joy. I'll inhale that delicious baby fragrance. And then I'll hand her back without a twinge. I need my hands free to type in more weblog entries for my own daughter's future prom date to Google, for starters!

Betsy is a 40-something single parent in Oregon with a daughter in elementary school and a son in middle school.

Comments

[Old Horsetail Snakeo]

40-something Betsy is also a fine writer. Who is plenty smart not to want do-overs...

[amber]

I love playing with other people's kids... but, like you, it doesn't make me want to go back to that, or have another baby. We're just now getting to the 4-year-old stubbornness era with Elizabeth, and if it's actually worse than the 3-year-old stubbornness, I think I'm in trouble. But I'm looking forward to it, nonetheless.

[Julie]

I am savoring the baby days right now (my younger daughter is 7 months old), but I certainly don't wish my older daughter (who is 3.5 years old) was a baby again. I love each new stage more than the last one, regardless of the challenges that each one presents.

Am I the only one who doesn't want to sniff other people's kids, but can't get enough of the scent of her own kids?

[Michelle]

I'm just reaching that moment of blessed freedom where we've just put the crib and high chair into the attic. And it's so tempting to just stop here with two kids. But I think we'll probably have a third when the youngest is toilet trained.

[*AGK*]

I often say I enjoy parenting older children more than I did parenting babies and toddlers. Some don't get that, and it doesn't mean I hated parenting when they were little. I just enjoy THIS time more :)