Daycare: Predicting the unpredictable

By Amy S.

Two things, among many, that a parent can't predict: when they'll hear an ear-splitting scream from their child's bed, followed by the sound of throwing up and when they'll be looking for childcare again.

We've experienced both pleasantries in the past week. I still don't know which is worse. The throwing up is agonizing, but over in 24-48 hours. The picking of childcare is gut-wrenching and has lasting effects for who-knows-how-long.

Less than 24 hours before leaving on a week-long trip with my 2-year-old daughter, our beloved daycare provider shocked us by deciding to permanently close and go back to school. I had four weeks –- minus the week I'd be away –- to find another provider. That night, when I should have been frantically washing clothes and packing (and yes, I did some of that, too), I spent half the night researching daycare providers and preschools online.

Thanks to the Virginia Department of Social Services, Virginia residents can now review the licensing reports of all licensed in-home daycare providers and preschools. (Don't get me wrong, there are fabulous unlicensed providers out there, too, but unless I get info on them via word-of-mouth, I tend to avoid going down that road.)

The licensing reports provide a reality-check, once again, of how hard it is to find a quality provider. Notes from licensing inspectors range from, "There was a used condom sitting in your backyard where the children were playing today," to "There were twice as many children in your care today as you are licensed for." And I've been down this road before. My daughter's first provider seemed amazing at first, but we soon realized it was a money-making operation first and foremost, and a very impersonal environment all-around.

Thankfully, my past efforts to find our current provider have taught me some valuable lessons that I immediately put into place this time:

• Review licensing reports carefully. Look for red-letter violations like too many children in their care. Also look for repeat violations. (You can usually do this through your state's Health and Human Services department. Start by looking for your state here: http://www.naccrra.net/data/)
• Pay attention to how many children providers are licensed to care for. This is one way to tell whether they're in it mostly for the money.
• Make many, many phone calls. Talking to providers is a great way to narrow down options.
• Use Mapquest to narrow down providers. We try to find a provider in-between our home and offices and not too far off the beaten path.
• Visit potential providers with a list of questions in-hand. Plan on following up with a phone call to cover things you forget during the visit.
• Here's is an additional resource for finding quality care and evaluating it.

This time around, my daughter is almost three, making our options a lot easier than when she was an infant. We'd already been considering a preschool two days a week for the fall. Luckily, the preschool has an opening in their five-days-a-week program.

So for now, that's where she'll go. I'm happy that she has a spot in a great preschool, but sad that she may have to go to preschool five days a week at such a young age. We're working on getting her in an in-home environment at least two days a week to give her a break from the more formal aspects of preschool.

I know that no matter what we choose, the odds are she'll adapt just fine. She's easy like that, thank goodness. Especially since her parents aren't good with change. We could learn a thing or two from her.

What tips do you have for finding a great childcare provider?

Amy S. is a 32-year-old married, working mom to Olivia, almost three. She lives in Virginia.

Comments

[Emily]

Hi, I stumbled upon this searching for 'institutional' Childcare for my son 3 months ago and came across it again today so I thought I would offer my 2cents.

With the growing popularity of Nannies, I think it's important to share our Nanny story.

Our Nanny seemed like a wonderful woman with a heart of gold. She was the nanny to family friends for 12 years and since the kids were getting too old for a nanny, was looking for a new family. So after a little prodding from our family friend, we agreed to remove our name from our centers waiting list and go with the nanny instead.

She would engage him, sing songs, take him to the park, and sign at him. Anytime I got home from work early, they were together playing some silly repetitive game and he was very happy. But from the get-go we had problems with her snooping, going through our finances and our bedroom. She would rearrange the cabinets in the kitchen and drawers in dressers so we were also on the hunt for something. We started to feel like we needed to "Nanny proof" our house.

After 2 weeks we decided that this Nanny was not going to work for us. She 'knew' more about our 8 week old baby than we did so she substituted her judgement for ours at every turn. So we talked to her and said that we all needed to work harder for this to work, was very clear what we wanted and didn't want.

I rationalized that I was upset going back to work and was being oversensitive... after all, she was doing the dishes for us even though we didn't need/ask her too... maybe she is just putting them where it makes sense to her... right?

And after enough rationalization, We decided to give it another 2 weeks and let some more of the emotions of leaving the baby die down.

3 days later my husband came home for lunch and found her asleep in our bed, under the covers, with our son - both naked... they were doing "kangaroo care" and watching cartoons and fell asleep she said (after lying about it until he threatened to call the police)

Our son is now in 'institutional' care at a center. Although he doesn't get the magical 1 on 1 we thought he needed, we love that he is becoming more social everyday and there are multiple sets of eyes on him and on those watching him.

[Alan Simpson]

I work for the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), a non-profit organization that is probably best-known for our accreditation of child care and preschool programs. While NAEYC’s main focus is improving programs for young children, we also work to help parents find quality programs. So I’ve been exploring parenting blogs, and that’s how I found DotMoms.

I thought DotMoms readers might be interested in learning more about NAEYC Accreditation of child care and preschools, and free resources we have to help parents find quality programs for their kids. We have a new Web site especially for families, at www.rightchoiceforkids.org

[Jonathan Hernandez]

Great links to resources. If I may suggest, there is a company I am considering joining called the Child DayCare Directory (www.childdaycaredirectory.com). They offer a printed directory complete with daycare information, locations, maps, articles, etc. It seems like a great resource for parents that can even fit in a purse. If this was available to you, would you use it? Being net savvy it seems you might not have needed it, but then again it might have saved you the time in research. Thoughts?

[Peyton]

Thanks for that link! Ella attends daycare in Virginia, and I was able to look up her center online. While it did have some violations, it appears that virtually every single center does, and compared with the others in her zip code, they were very minor. Scary to think what happens at some places!!

[Robin P]

Right after Lillianna was born,I looked into becoming a day care provider in my home. During one of my classes,one of the instructors who was an inspector told us of her scary home visits to day care providers.

One day,she went to a home and the woman didn't open the door for a few minutes.
When she finally opened the door her 4 year old son was standing with her and he looked quite happy to have a visitor.
The inspector checked the area designated for child care,met the 5 children that the woman was licensed to care for and then was about to walk out the door when the 4 year old child asked,"Don't you want to meet the other kids?" She asked sweetly,"What other kids?" He took her upstairs to where SEVEN OTHER KIDS WERE HIDING UNDER THE BED!!
The woman lost her license but if the innocent little boy hadn't said anything.....well...who wants to think about that?
Finding good day care is rough.Good luck!