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September 23, 2005



Thank you, all of you, for your comments. It's good to hear direct from you - not only that this is an issue that will resolve itself when there is a new child to love, but also that I'm not the only one to have these kinds of worries!


When I was pregant w/my second I remember looking at my sleeping son wondering how I could love anyone else as much as I loved the baby I had right in front of me. And, then when I was pg w/my 3rd I still had the same thought - even tho I knew the answer- you just do. Our children are amazing creatures and wonderful and our job as parents (besides all the not fun discipline raising them stuff) is to make sure they are loved like crazy.

After falling in love w/my first and second I really do understand how people have ten kids. You just love them so much you want more. For us 3 feels right - I'm 40 and #4 would bankrupt us - but if I were ten years younger...

Good luck!


My precious second son, Samuel Reuben, was born a week ago today. I laboured mostly at home and just before I went off to hospital at 4am, I went into Elijah, who is 4 and a half, to kiss and cuddle and sniff and soak him up. At that point I was totally overwhelmed with emotion and while the contractions powered on, I held my "big" boy and cried; his life was about to change and I can't explain it any better than to say that I just wanted time to stand still. Could I love another child as much as my Angel Boy? Was I going to turn his life, as he knew it, upside down? Would I be able to provide both boys with the kind of attention Elijah had known all his life, as that was the only way I wanted to "mother" my children? Five hours later, I was holding my second "Angel Boy" and totally overwhelmed by this flood of intense love for him. A little time later and in walked Elijah and I knew that this was the way it was meant to be. Samuel was very much meant to be in our lives, and we all have enough room in our hearts to embrace him and love him. Until that moment of hugging Elijah while in labour, I had never really had any doubts as to my ability to love and care for another child, and since Samuel's birth I have not had an ounce of doubt! I second Katie's statement!! Best wishes, Naomi


we're trying for number 2 now. i've always felt that for all the intense love i have for my son, i had to have another one. i mean, it's like i have too much love (i know that's not possible) for just one child. it would only be fair to have another.

but i have heard, like so many have commented, that love increases for each child when you have more.


I loved this post! I felt (and feel) the same way. I adore my daughter (she's almost 3). I mean, she is my life and soul. I breathe her in, even when she isn't here. Every decision made is made around her. I am happiest when I see her as happy as she is. She's smart and polite and extremely easy going. Nothing can compare to how perfect I think my daughter is in our eyes.

With that said - I am expecting our second daughter in about 8 weeks. I am conflicted, but I talk about the new baby with my daughter and her eyes light up knowing that she will be a big sister. With the bonding that my daughter and I have shared these past 7 months has made me love my second child so much already. Even with the many doubts going through my mind, I am now certain that my second daughter will be the perfect addition to this family. Things will be different, but things will be fabulous.


What a great post, I totally relate to it. I did the exact same kind of worrying. One year into having two children, luckily, no such problems have occurred. Phew.


As of mother who remembers when they were 1 and 2 and now 11 and 12 all I can relay is that your heart can love each child unconditionally. As my children are now passing into adolesence I am constantly amazed at how my love grows continually for both of them. You are a wonderful mother to Katie and you always will be as you will be a wonderful mother to the future children you bring into this world.


The thing too, to remember, is that sometimes your dreaming mind forgets allll that transition time. Those months of talking and preparing and Katie coming to know what's going on. Sometimes our minds just PLANT us in situations like that and we forget all that before stuff - All that before stuff will sooth a lot of those anxieties. And remember it's not just another wonderful child, it's your lovely family growing - that's all! And having another close to Katie will make things much easier in a few years.

Robin P

My friend Linda told me that we she was pregnant with her 2nd daughter,Sarah,she would sit at the foot of her daughter,Meghan's bed and weep while Meghan was asleep,"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. How will I be able to love you as much as I do and still love this other child?" She was absolutely torn. Of course now that Meghan is 15 and Sarah is 13,that just seems like a bizarre thought. She immediately loved Sarah and her love for Meghan never changed.
People with more than one child can't explain it but adore each and every one of their children.
You will too!!It's just the way it is!

amy h

What a wonderful post! Your concern about this issue is a testament to what a super mother you are (and will be). From my experience the anxiety you feel about loving more than one doesn't go away after the second one arrives, you just realize that you can only do your best...and that's really good enough!
Good luck!
Amy H.
(fellow dot-mom)


In my experience, having another child increased my ability to love everyone. Good luck with your decision!

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