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September 03, 2005



You have my sympathies! In my own case, if I hadn't gone back to my fulltime job at the end of a fairly brief maternity leave (3 months), we would have had to give up our home and leave our town as well as abandon hope of ever finding fulltime employment in my field again (academic history positions are few and far between).

My problem was all the people who were horrified to hear I was going back to work and asked "How can you do that?" in shocked tones -- the same kind of disapproval or condescencion that you sense coming from your own nosey parkers.

It's awful when parents, mothers especially, are hectored and second-guessed instead of having their choices respected.

Robin P

Great post! I envy you. I wish my husband's salary was enough. I hate being stretched between working 36 hours a week and being a full time mom.
I love when people ask me what days I have "off." I always say,"Well the 2 days I don't get paid for my work are Mondays and Fridays!" I honestly work harder at home than I do at both jobs!

I would be thrilled if Rich had to give me an allowance and I could be a full time stay at home mom. Thrilled!!

As for a good answer to those rude remarks about going back to work....since I am particularly bitchy,I would just say,"Bite me!"
People are just jealous.I can't imagine not wanting to be a SAHM.
Enjoy your life! It sounds wonderful.


I'll never forget when my neighbor, who had her baby a month before me, told me she was going back to work to prevent her brain "from turning to mush." I wish I'd had some of your answers in mind at the time!


Great post. I quit my corporate job a month ago to start two of my own businesses working from home, and people still ask me "when will you go back to work?" as if I wasn't working THREE jobs now, including taking care of my son! I believe women should be supported in all of their roles, regardless of whether money is involved or not. I love your last comeback.


It's extremely difficult for women of our generation to feel as valued and as valuable WORKING as a stay-at-home mom then if we were back in the OTHER work force. People used to ask me how it felt to be working without being paid. And at first I felt like I was working 24-7 without being paid. But my husband's income is 'household or family' income which means I'm as entitled to it as he is. My husband and I both agree that it's priceless for me to take care of our daughter vs. putting her in daycare. I'm making career sacrifices now so she has the benefit of my attention. A recent Today Show segment said SAHMs incomes would be worth approximately $130,000/year. Now that's something we should all tell our husband's and those pesky people who ask when you're going BACK TO WORK, Humph!

Lisa M

I wish I had a dime for every time I've been asked the same question - and people are stopped in their tracks when I tell them I have no plans to return to work anytime soon. Who'd have ever thought it would be "weird" to stay home and raise your family? I usually tell them that I can't think of a better way to put my early childhood education and reading degrees to work. :) But I LOVE your comeback - I'll be using it now!!!


Ah, that's a good answer - I may find myself borrowing something like it the next time I'm asked. It's also well put. I often think that I'll return to work (I've been off for nearly sixteen months) when my daughter is content enough to be away from me long enough to allow me to sit in front of the computer to update my resume :)

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