The perfect preschool (a mission impossible?)

By Lauri Jon

Your mission, Agent Mom, should you decide to accept it, is to find the perfect preschool.

I knew this day would one day come. From the moment before I became pregnant. That I, mild-mannered me, (OK, if you know me you might not say mild-mannered), would one day be charged with finding my daughter the perfect preschool.

In today's competitive baby world there's a lot at stake. After all, not getting into the right preschool could have radical consequences for which colleges would even glance at her application. Not to mention the social stigma attached to going to the "wrong" preschool.

The first time I experienced preschool anxiety was when Maricella was nine months old and a few moms in our NYC downtown moms playgroup mentioned that their second children were already accepted into a preschool, since their older siblings were already attending. (Unfair biological advantage, I thought.) But the moms kindly passed on their gems of wisdom -- to tour different preschools and see which ones matched your child's temperament. Great, I thought, all set. Then we moved 3,000 miles away to Southern California.

Maricella is now 22 months old and I'm faced with the daunting task of finding the right preschool when I'm not even that familiar with the area. But I'm doing what any self-respecting twenty-first century mom would do -- searching the Web for a list a preschools, talking with other moms in the area for their suggestions, and later this week, I'll head across the street to our neighborhood elementary school and ask the teachers and staff for a list of their favorite preschools.

Once armed with my list, I'll take the tours with my darling daughter in tow, and get on a few waiting lists. Hey, how difficult could this be, it's preschool? (Yeah, right!)

This story will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, moms.

What obstacles did you encounter when searching for your child's preschool?

Lauri Jon is a forty-something-else mother and wife who lives with her family in California.

Comments

[elise]

Don't worry, I knew you were joking and I'm sure most people did too...
My comment was just to say "Yeah, I worried too, but it all works out no matter what.."
I think its natural for a parent to worry about who they are leaving their child with, can't control that basic instinct!

[LauriJon]

Thanks everyone for your wonderful comments and advice. While I take the task of finding a great preschool for my daughter seriously, I was being a tad tongue-in-cheek in my paragraph that began, "In today's competitive baby world..."
And hopefully, in the weeks to come, I'll get some great recommendations from the moms I speak with. Thanks again!

[Robin P]

I guess I was really lucky. When I was thinking about pre-school,one of my co-workers, who I had known for years,told me that her best friend owned a well known pre-school in a nearby town. I had passed it a million times but hadn't thought much about it. She said that her friend was "....awesome, and she loves kids. The school has a great reputation and that's where I am sending my kids when they are old enough."

That was enough for me. Lilliana had two wonderful years there. It was the best foundation I could've given her.

Coincidentally,the pre-school is owned by a husband and wife team who have 4 kids of their own. The husband's mom is the owner of the dancing school where Lillianna has danced for the past 4 years.

I think word of mouth is the best referral. Keep asking people where they recommend.
Good luck!

[Tina]

I was going to be such a perfect mom that I wasn't even going to send my kid to pre-school. One of those "never" statements. We were going to stay home all day and finger paint and play and learn to read ..... and then I woke up one morning knee-deep in the terrible twos. I'm not diligent like the author who actually researched schools. A friend noticed how frazzled I was and handed me a flyer for a pre-school at our church saying you might want to look into this. I went that day and signed him up. It's been good for everybody. If this pre-school isn't good enough to get him into the "right" college, too bad, he'll still have a good life. We have decided as a family that we are not going to play that game.

[LeeMarie]

Oh my! I was 8 weeks pregnant with first when I started getting pressure about which preschool I was going to send my child too. I thought, preschool? I'm trying to deal with morning sickness! My very-together sister kept telling me that if I didn't get on a waiting list soon I'd be s*** out of luck. My baby would be forced to go to a second-rate preschool, and then who knows what would happen after that. I ignored her the best I could. She brought the sign-up papers to my house. I avoided it all for as long as I could. Finally when I was 6 months pregnant I allowed her to drag me down to her childrens alma mater, fill out paper work, sign a deposit check for $100 (just to be on the waiting list!) and leave thinking that I was the biggest sucker on earth. My baby is only 3 months old now and it sickens me to think that I am waiting for a phone call from a snooty administrator to see if "we" got in. Yuck.

[Jeremiah Lee]

My comment (posted just before this) isn't as nice as I am. I apologize for reacting without completely thinking. You -did- say that you were looking for the best pre-school for your child, and that's what's best.

[Jeremiah Lee]

"In today's competitive baby world there's a lot at stake. [] which colleges would even glance at her application. [] social stigma []"

You've got to be kidding me. I sincerely hope that you don't believe this (the first bit), and that you don't fall into the trap of the 'social' game of preschools. Send your child to the one that fits, not the 'right' one for your social standing.

Pre-school is not a proving ground for Harvard. It's a place for children to continue learning and socializing. The way we (as parents) interact with our children has -so- much more to do with what college they go to (and if they go to collage) than any pre-school choice.

[Sraikh]

I recently went through this for my 2nd child. We moved thousands of miles from Singapore to California. SO I began my search in July for a preschool for her.
Either, they had a year long waiting lists, or were above and beyond my budget.
Finally, I found one and she started yesterday.So far, so good.I guess

[elise]

You really can't win. I searched high and low to find a great preschool for my firstborn. Everything seemed to be fine so I sent my daughter there. A lot of things that my son just shrugged off, my daughter was traumatized about. For example, they would serve about 2 ounces of milk with their snack and then make the kids sit until they finished it. My daughter didn't really like milk. After a bunch of little issues like that I decided to send my third kid (daughter) to a different preschool. I worried less about the decision. I wanted her to be safe and happy and it was only 5 minutes away from my house....Now I see it really didn't matter much in the grand scheme of things.

[lee]

The school doesn't matter as much as the actual teacher! I discovered this when sending my son to the same preschool that I thought had been so great for my daughter. Turns out the teacher was completely phenomenal, the school so-so (this teacher was not there when my son started in the session following my daughter).

Get a copy of the handbook right away. Those little quirky rules you thought wouldn't matter start to really *bug* you after about a month. :)

[Theresa]

Of my twins, who are now 7, the youngest has several medical conditions. My preschool of choice, a co-op, refused her admission based on those conditions. I'm sure they were surprised, to be contacted by a case worker from our states civil rights dept. Not only did I fight them until they were forced to accept her (no way though I would ever send her there after that), but until state-wide changes were made in the admission policies of co-op preschools, including training, at their cost.