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October 07, 2005


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thanks nice post,and thanks sharing!!!!

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This kind of depression can be avoided easily.

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Hi, I think your article its very important and interesting,good work, thanks for sharing!! Have a nice day!


First, my apologies, I know you wrote this eons ago but I'm new to the site and found this post moving and insightful.
I am a new mom -- my beloved is only 9 weeks old and am going through a few of the same feelings. I especially relate to the overwhelming fears associated with a feeling that something terrible is going to happen:

You wrote:
"I couldn't sleep, convinced that something would happen to my son. When I did fall asleep I would wake up panicked that he was dead and I would have to rouse him."

Because of these fears, I sleep in the living room on our couch, which reclines, with my baby sleeping on my chest -- just to make sure that she is breathing okay throughout the night. I tried using a cradle the first few nights after I came home from the hospital but I couldn't sleep because I felt an overwhelming need to watch her and make sure she was okay. Every little peep she made, I was aware of. Finally, one night after many hours of "trying to rest but not.." - I put her on my shoulder and we both fell asleep that way. We've been doing it ever since.
My problem now is that the end of my maternity leave is drawing near and my husband is afraid that I am not getting enough rest this way (plus I'm sure he'd like to sleep in our bed again some day -- right now, I sleep on the couch with babe on my shoulder and he sleeps on the floor nearby). However, I still have my fears and am not sure how to overcome them.
Is this just every new moms' plague and eventually -- with time, it gets better? Will I ever sleep in my own bed again?
Please share your thoughts.

Ms. C

Wow, that was real. I don't have any children, but I think I understand the seriousness of the situation. It seems to me the hardest thing in the world would be to have that time with your new baby taken away by depression. It seems hard, being emotionally robbed, as it is. Good for you for hanging in.


Chris, that is so excellent. Thanks so much for posting it.


"So much to be thankful for
Why can't it be enough?" Haven't I thought that one to myself. Over & over & over.


I laughed out loud at your opening paragraph, and cried at the rest of your post. I, too, immediately rolled my eyes at the Tom-Katie news and hoped that she would sink into the depths of PPD so he might understand that it is REAL! In all seriousness, though, I would never wish it on anyone. My depression came 3 months after a miscarriage, so it wasn't exactly PPD, but, reading your post, I know we spent time in the same dark, terrible place. Earlier this evening I spent time going through pictures that my husband has taken over this past year, trying to fill pictures frames and albums. I was astounded at how I looked on the pictures taken during the time before I sought help for the depression. I didn't even recognize the hollow expression or the downturned eyes and mouth. I looked ill - which I was. Thinking of the fog and how it held me so still now makes me naseous. Luckily, I didn't stay still very long. Getting pregnant and getting help jolted me out and I feel like myself again. Our second baby will be here in about 8 weeks. I have already told my doctor that I'll be first in line for anti-depressants after the birth if I start to feel the fog returning. (Amazing that you use the same word...). Thank you for your post. Oh, and I heard that Tom/Katie are going to have a "silent" birth as Scientology reccommends. No screaming or crying allowed, and of course no pain medication. How do we rescue that poor girl from his clutches???

stacey crescitelli

That made me cry. My baby is 9 months old too & this is my 2nd round of PPD. It is soooooooo hard.
Your blog always cheers me.


MY PPD was the cause of my lack of mothering and my need for attention I couldn't get from my now ex husband. I'm so glad now to be free of the "fog" and it's nice to see it put into words....I can't change what happened back then...but I can embrace the now....


Chris, that was beautiful. I remember those feelings, especially knowing that I had everything in the world to be thankful for, but just didn't seem to care. You summed up the feelings of PPD with practised eloquence. Thank you for sharing.

Imperfect Mommy

Thank you so much for this. It sums up so many feelings I (and I know a lot of other mothers) have felt. No one can understand unless they have been there.


So very beautiful Chris, and I know that for me the beauty is found so much in how it describes my own feelings.

How many times has my four year old come up to me and hugged me and said "I love you mommy" and I can tell he's trying to make me feel better. They shouldn't have to do that should they?

Thank you for sharing this. It's so important.


I think you've captured the quagmire that is postpartum depression - I couldn't understand why I couldn't be happy when I had waited so long and been through so much to have my baby. Thankfully, I had a very understanding OB and a very supportive pediatrician. Anything that lets women know they're not the only ones to feel this way, even if it is Tom Cruise's brand of insanity, can be helpful.


Beautiful post! Tom Cruise has unintentionally helped many women, I think, as his crazy 'knowledge of Psychiatry' has gotten communities of women to talk openly to each other, and create a wonderful support-system in this way as well as resource. Katie Holmes must be a strong woman, as she's still with him, and I hope! for her that she stays strong ! As if this story isn't getting weirder and weirder...a silent birth....don't traumatize the baby? what is with this L.Ron ? And where do women fall in this religion? And are only actors subscribing to it?

amy h

Wow, Chris. That is so powerful. Thank you for pubishing this so that others might read it.


Oh Chris. That was beautiful. Thank you.

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