All sugared up

By Chris

I have a stash of candy that I keep in a bowl high up in the kitchen cabinets. I use the candy to pay bribe positively reinforce the children for doing chores. It is a good system. It is amazing what they are willing to do for a small Tootsie Roll.

Before I had children I planned to be a non-coercive parent. I had lots of plans for the kind of parent that I would be, and more importantly would not be. Funny how that works, isn't it? 

I feel like most days I just muddle along, making it all up as I go, hoping with fingers crossed that I don't make any grave mistakes at motherhood. Gone are my illusions,  now I am more comfortable being a benevolent dictator.

I keep the bowl of candy high up in the cabinet not so much to keep it out of the reach of the children as it is to keep it out of my reach. It is far to easy to eat a 10-pound bag of candy in a day or two without even realizing it. Not that I would know that from personal experience.

One day last week I heard my 6-year-old in the kitchen say to his 4-year-old sidekick, "Let's get sugared up and act really bad!"

I walked into the kitchen to investigate and caught them both standing on top of the counter, the 6-year-old poised to scale the wall cabinets like a ladder.

"What are you doing?" I asked, putting on my "mad face," which evidently only looks mad to me.

"We were getting you some candy as a treat for being such a great Mommy." Cue dimples and batting eyelashes.

I was faced with a choice. Do I call them on the lie and reprimand them, or do I play along? I decided on the latter.

"What a great idea, thanks!" I said. I took down the bowl, picked out a piece, and replaced the bowl back in its spot. They watched me with huge unbelieving eyes; their dreams of a sugar high dashed before their very eyes. I made elaborate "mmmmm" noises as I ate it.

Then I froze in place and looked at them with my eyes wide. "Oh no!" I screamed, "I am all sugared up and going to act really bad!"

And with that I ran around the kitchen table several times, waving my arms over my head, and screaming like a wild banshee. In short acting the way my children often do.  My children laughed and my 6-year-old wisely asked, "You heard us talking in here, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. Next time you want something you should ask me; don't sneak behind my back. Climbing on the cabinets is dangerous. What would happen if you grabbed the bowl and fell with it onto the ground?"

"I'd get really hurt?"

"Yes, but more importantly, you would drop all that yummy candy all over the floor," I exclaimed.

Then I commenced running around the kitchen table one more time and ran out of the room. As I left I heard one of them say, "She is such a silly Mommy."

And I laughed. Despite all my failed plans and never materialized good intentions, I think I am muddling along just fine.

Chris is a writer, artist, wife of one, mother of seven, and coffee drinker extraordinaire. 

Comments

[Christina]

OMG!!! You ROCK! I think my kids, at that age, would have looked at me like I'd lost my marbles -- wait, I think I did that a LONG time ago. I've never really been successful with briber, moreso because my kids really and truly believe that there's nothing on the face of the planet to get them to do what I want them to...except, oh, say, grounding - which does work.

I still have my 9 y/o though...

I have this vision of the boys' faces when they realized you were calling them out...kind of like..."Oh, CRAP! We're BUSTED!" And the picture of you running around the table can only be made funnier by picturing my husband doing the same thing, only in his infamous "monkey run" fashion.

You've got it down, Mama! Keep doin' what you're doin'!

[LauriJon]

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I think this is the funniest post I've ever read.

Chris, you get the smartest mom of the moment award. That's very fast thinking on your feet.

I think I'll put this one in my bag of tricks for the future.

[Susan]

Don't feel too bad. I use a jar of jelly beans as bribes...errr...rewards for my toddler's behavior. I too was one of those people who said before children, 'who would ever use candy/sweets to bribe a child?!' ME, thats who! By the way, I think we all just make it up as we go along. I certainly do. You can read my experiences on my blog, http://anotherdayanotherblog2.blogspot.com/

Thanks for making me laugh today!

[halloweenlover]

You crack me up! I'd say you are doing just fantastic!

[Elizabeth]

Great story

[Maria]

Got me laughing out loud at my desk. Since I have a 6 yr old w/a 4 yr old sidekick (I never thought of it like that but it fits) and a 17 mos old who'd like to apply for the job - I could just picture my boys doing the same thing. Thanks so much for the good example of how to handle it. Too often I'm focused on discipline rather than a positive way out!

[Goldberry]

We use tootsie rolls as reinforcement, too, but I have a small twinge of guilt that goes along with it. I am waiting for the day where my kids will outsmart me and I will be left speechless.

I love the way you handled the situation. I should try that, in hopes my husband won't put me in the loony bin.

[Beth]

What a great way to teach with humor. I have no doubt that your kids will remember things like that with much fondness later in life. :-)

[Diane]

Silly mommies are the best kind!

[Katie]

Haha! I think you are a perfect mommy, the perfect mommy match for your adorable children. Psst, I folded and put away the laundry, can I have a piece of candy?