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October 11, 2005



It's hard isn't it when the other parent was/is so toxic? They make decisions that hurt our children and we're left making the excuses for them. Not because we care about them but because we love our children so much.

I'm sure that when you finally have to sit down and tell the kids the truth (and I remember reading your story years ago and your strength still amazes me)that it will be done with so much love that they will be okay afterwards. If I've learned anything it's that they are resilient little boogers and love heals so many wounds.


I also did not speak badly about my kids dad and it had it's benefits and it's downfalls. Kids will naturally want to know about their natural father...the benefits were that I didnt have to undo any bad mouthing when he came back into their lives, I was not guilty of sabotaging their relationship, as many moms can be, he did that fine enough on his own and I was able to counsel them wisely when they began to see him as he is. The negative things were when he wasn't around for years answering those hard yet innocent questions every child deserves the answer to and when he came back into their lives seeing them hope for and find those hopes dashed, even though I did at times seek to buffer some of those moments. My intent in allowing him into their lives when he came back was not cuz HE deserved it, (by that time he had lost all parental rights)but because THEY deserved it and I was not going to be guilty of being one of "those" kind of angry ex's...of course that is NOT to say that if my children were in any danger they would never have had any contact with him at all. Again Angela, thanks for sharing your story with such grace, courage & love...MUAH!

Robin P

I tend to agree with Hope. Since I know some of the stuff that happened with your ex, I think it will be hard to put a completely positive spin on this. Since you are such an honest person, I think you can tell the truth in a way that will let the kids feel that their dad loved them even if it isn't the same way that you love them.

When they are a little older, they could probably hear the whole truth.
You are so gentle and loving,Angela. You have done such a remarkable job with these children in spite of everything.
However you handle it, it will be the right way. I know it will.
I am sending you a big hug. You are such a great mom!


Very moving, Angela. Thanks for sharing. I agree with Amy, I got my DotMoms tissue box right here....

amy h

Whew! I agree with the other Amy who commented...very moving post. Thanks for sharing this very personal moment in your life.


What is up with dotmoms being my soaked tissue lately? I'm sitting here at work bawling my eyes out. Your feelings are normal...your reactions are more than normal and you're doing a good job...we dont' hear that enough. Thank you for sharing this moment with us.

Hope Wilbanks

Maybe it's not the "good" that you need to find to tell them about. Perhaps you should simply tell them the TRUTH, in a positive manner. ;)

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