My daughter the basketball star

By Suzanne

Last month my 9-year-old daughter had her first ever basketball practice. She didn't want to sign up for basketball, but after years of windy soccer, it sounded like a nice, warm, comfy indoor sport to me. I've seen her play basketball in the driveway with her brothers. She always seemed to have fun. But she said, "I don't want to play basketball! I hate basketball!" Turns out, she was afraid she didn't really know the rules and was afraid she wouldn't be good at it. I told her, "Your grandmother was a basketball star in high school. It's in your genes.  Just try it."

So we went to basketball practice. She didn't complain on the way or cry. In fact, she seemed excited. The team is co-ed, and she was one of only two girls on the team. I stayed to watch the practice and see for myself whether or not she had fun. Well, she jumped right in, couldn't wait to do the warm-up exercises and dribble and throw -- and she made the basket about half the time. She was, in fact, as good as most of the boys on the team, and afterward she told me she had a great time and loved basketball. I was glad I'd taken her, but I wondered what I would have done if she'd acted like the other little girl on the team.

The other little girl cried and clung to her mother and refused to participate more than half the practice. Playing basketball had been her mother's idea, too. At the second practice, the little girl was there again and I noticed this time her mother didn't stay for the practice -- maybe that was a good idea. The little girl still cried and hung back, but the coach was patient and she participated more than she had before. Maybe she'll be a basketball star by high school. Maybe my daughter will, too or maybe she'll drop out and choose another activity later on. 

For now, I'm just glad she tried basketball and didn't give up on it without at least getting the experience of playing on a team. And I was glad to see the other little girl hadn't given up yet, either, though it was hard to watch her cry during the first practice.

My boys are older and at this point they've both made the decision to drop out of sports. Since they're 12 and 14, I've let them make that decision for themselves, but sometimes I wonder if they spend too much time now in more sedentary activities.

At what point do you let your kids make up their own minds about sports and other activities? If they cry or say no in advance, or after they've tried it out? And at what age?

Suzanne has been married for over 20 years and lives in small-town North Carolina with her three children.

Comments

[Donna]

You raise some very good points. Unfortunately, I think as parents, we spend an awful lot of time second-guessing ourselves. It's a shame these kids don't come with an owner's manual! Our kids are all so different. So it's a lot of trial and error, following your instinct and praying that it all comes out right in the end. And I think that as long as we are asking these questions, thinking about our actions and how we influence our kids, showing how much we love and care for them -- the prayers won't really be necessary, 'cause they'll be all right.

[Elizabeth]

From my adult perspective, I definitely wish that my parents had encouraged me more to perservere at the things that I wasn't as good at like sports and music. But at the time, I was happy not to do them.

[Kathie]

Interesting thoughts and exactly what I have been thinking/dealing with. My 5 yr old is "slow to warm up" and rarely wants to do any activities if you ask her.(I was the same way as a child so I can relate). I tend to think if she doesn't want to do it, we shouldn't make her. My husband feels differently- he wishes his parents had pushed him a little harder and thinks we definitely need to push my daughter to at least try things.I think he's right as when we have pushed her she's ended up (usually) enjoying it or least raising her competency level.
But it's hard for me to watch her worry and fuss in advance of the activity!
Parenting isn't always clear cut is it?

[goodsandwich]

I'm for letting the child have the veto before rather than after. But this is based on temperament too. I'm glad this is turning out well for your daughter.

[dcknits]

I wish my parents had been more pro-active in signing me up for sports once I turned 11-12. My jr. high and high school experiences would have been more positive with something like a sport or club to focus on.

Now 35, I recently asked my mom why I had not been signed up for soccer when I was 10 after missing a season for knee surgery when I was 9...her reply..."You didn't ask". My rebut, "You should have made me...I was only 10!" :)

I think it's important to keep encouraging kids to participate in group acitvities through high school and into college. It doesn't have to necessarily be sports, but some kind of organized group activity that stimulates a healthy / realistic amount of competition and social interaction.