Giving it all I've got: fantasy and reality

By Chris

I never make New Year's resolutions.

This isn't to say that there aren't loads of things that I would like to improve about myself, there are. I wish I were more patient with my children. I wish that I exercised regularly. I wish that I were better at all the wifey things, like cooking, cleaning, keeping the house organized. I wish I were a better friend.

But when it comes right down to it, the truth of the matter is that I already am putting forth as much effort as I am willing.

It's not like I wake up in the morning and say to myself, "Today I am going to be really short tempered and yell a lot. And then, just for fun, I am going to sprinkle a few sarcastic comments throughout my conversations, disguised (of course) as humor.  Then I am going to forget to defrost anything for dinner and at the last minute serve cold cereal and pretend that I did it on purpose for a 'treat.' Oh and every time my daughter goes to the potty and earns her M&M, I am going to have one, or 50, with her because I deserve them."

No, I pretty much wake up every morning hoping to be better than the previous day, hoping to have learned from some of my mistakes, hoping chocolate has suddenly become calorie free.

I have a wonderful husband whom I love, and who remarkably loves me. I have a nice house filled with children that I adore. Although, I often say to my husband that in my dreams the house came with a maid and the children were much better behaved. We have everything that we need and most of what we want. It is a good life.

It might not be the most exciting life. It certainly isn't glamorous, unless wearing shirts with spit-up encrusted shoulders is the new look. It might not resemble at all the life I envisioned 25 years ago when I was a kid laying on my Holly Hobby bedspread, writing in my diary. The daily minutiae of my life can sometimes be tiring and I spend more time reading Dr. Seuss and wiping butts than I ever could have imagined. That is the thing with fantasy, you never see the whole picture.

Lately I fantasize about living in Europe for a few years and traveling with my children. I never think about the fact that there would still be laundry to do in Europe and that my children would likely bicker their way through Rome. Just last summer we went to the Baseball Hall of Fame Museum and my 5-year-old collapsed to the ground shortly after we arrived crying, "I hate it here. This place is filled with old balls and old shoes." Just imagine how he would feel touring ancient ruins. I can hear it now, "There's nothing here but old broken stuff!"

But this is the fantasy. I picture us locking arms and skipping by the Eiffel Tower, our berets perched fetchingly upon our heads. I don't picture the unruly toddler rolling on the ground having a tantrum because we won't buy the Eiffel Tower balloon on a stick, or the sullen adolescent who thinks skipping and wearing a beret is tantamount to child abuse. And I certainly don't picture me grocery shopping and cooking meals. It's Europe! Who cooks there? Yes, I know, everyone.

I suppose this is why I don't like New Year's resolutions. They make you focus on the negatives and what is lacking in your life, instead of focusing on all the good things, the things that were only imagined in the past and have now come to fruition. The things you want to change, instead of the things you want to stay the same. The things you didn't even know to dream about, yet now you couldn't imagine living without.

At lunch yesterday, my 5-year-old told me he doesn't think he will ever get married because he will never love anyone else as much as he loves me.

Yes, it is a good life. Now about that maid...

Chris is an artist, writer, wife, and mother to seven children. 

Comments

[Mac Keylogger]

First time here, happy. It’s always my pleasure to read this type of stuff. Thank you for taking the time to share with it, and this blog is very nice. I’m still waiting for more interesting thoughts from your side in your next post. Have a nice day!

[MacMomma]

What a great post - thank you! (And I second the comment where dear hubby just volunteers out of the blue to take the kids for the day!)

[Julie A Paine]

Thanks, Chris. You have such a great way of expressing what a lot of us Mommies feel. Thanks for putting time into sharing your gift of humor with us. We know you are busy, and then some!

[LauriJon]

Fab post Chris. And in my fantasy, my husband lifts me in his arms for a delicious kiss... then does the dishes, the laundry, the grocery shopping and mops the kitchen floor, before giving me a Saturday off where he says, "Honey, I'll play with our 2 year old daughter all day, so take the day for yourself." Gotta love a fantasy!

[Susan]

You story about the baseball hall of fame and illusion to your son seeing all the ancient ruins made me laugh out loud!

I suppose we all have these glorified fantasies about how different (better) our life might be in another circumstance. I share your romantic notion about living abroad. My children's lives being so cultured and worldly. Perhaps speaking five languages and growing up to be world humanitarians or something. But, I suppose that no matter where you are, toddlers still throw tantrums, children still are picky eaters, car trips are too long, and there is always a reason to cry or complain (Im talking about both parents and children here).

[Elizabeth]

Hope you don't get tired of hear ing it - but SPOT ON!
Precisely the reason I don't make them either, but not so thoughtfully written. :-)

You are a marvel in ALL your realness - which is refreshing and gives this mom of two - HOPE!

[Robin P]

Great post. Fantasies never include tantrums. That's why they are fantasies.

I don't make new year's resolutions that I can't keep so I only make one and stick to it.
One year I resolved to make the number 5 look like a 5 instead of an S.(I write in medical charts all day.) I've kept that for about 11 years! Not too shabby!

Happy New Year!

[amy h.]

Thanks for the wonderful post. You got it just right.