Dear Baby Number Two,
You haven’t even been born yet and already I have to apologize.
I am sorry I have had more cheeseburgers this time around and have exercised less. I am sorry I haven’t bought every single gender neutral newborn outfit at the Gap already. I’m sorry I haven’t read "What To Expect While You Are Expecting" cover to cover this time. I am sorry I sleep on my stomach more than I should and don't always remember to take those horse pill vitamins. I am sorry I don’t already have a name picked out for you and baby announcements addressed. Most of all, though, I am sorry I worry that it won’t be possible to love another child as much as I love your brother.
And you aren’t the only one to whom I need to apologize. James, I am sorry we are going to shake your world so much in March and that you won't be Mama's little baby anymore. I am sorry you have to move to a big boy bed so your new baby sister or brother can use your crib. I am sorry you'll have to not only share your toys, but our love, too. I am sorry Mommy cannot hold you in her lap as easily these days. I am sorry, too, that I don’t always have as much energy as I used to have. It will come back one day soon (I hope)!
But I promise, this will be a good thing for everyone in the long run. You’ll have each other for company, a partner in crime wherever you go -- someone to build forts with on the living room couch, someone to challenge in video games, someone to guide you through the halls of junior high. Best of all, you’ll each have someone to complain to when dear old Mom and Dad are driving you crazy! And when it comes time to decide on a nursing home for us, you won’t have to go through it alone.
Peanut, your Dad and I already love you like crazy and we’ll try to do our very best for you. We will offer you a lifetime full of love and support. I hope it’s enough. It seems to be working for your brother, so far.
See you soon! We cannot wait to meet you and to kiss your sweet baby nose!
Love always,
Your Mom
Leslie lives in northern Virginia with her husband and 2-year-old son.
Great letter to your baby to be!
There's one small bit I'll have to disagree with you on- I bet you'll be able to love this new baby just as much as you already love his big brother. As if by some miracle, it seems a mother's capacity for love grows more with each child. Do you remember what it was like before you had your first? Did you ever think it was possible to love anyone more than "the love of your life" at the time? It's crazy- this baby love business, but it's also amazing.
Posted by: Stacy Quarty | February 01, 2006 at 01:47 PM
I remember crying the night before they induced labor for my #2...I just knew life would never be the same again...I was right. #2 will rock your world! and you will find that the love just grows...
truly, it is a multiplication thing, not division.
Its gonna be great.
Posted by: beckie | January 28, 2006 at 07:45 PM
Your feelings are very similar to all the feelings I had many years ago but I can tell you everything works out just as you hope. My kids are now 13, 11 and 9. We wouldn't be mothers without all the worries and guilt, LOL!
Posted by: elise | January 25, 2006 at 08:38 AM
Beautiful post! As a mother of a nine month old contemplating #2, I thank you for writing what I too feel but never could have said so eloquently.
Posted by: kristy | January 24, 2006 at 09:24 PM
I think that everytime my husband says he wants another child - our only is just 19 months and I can't imagine shaking her world or ours with another child- but i'm sure eventually we will and i will need to book mark your post so I can remember what to say when I scrap book it.
Posted by: raquita | January 24, 2006 at 08:20 PM
You must have read my mind (and my blog). Everyday I am torn between the guilt of completely changing my 2 year old's world and the undeniable sense that our soon-to-be second will not get all the same and wonderful things our first did. Some things I remind myself of that help when Im feeling particularly down about things:
I realize that I am only human (even though most of us moms try and be super-human). I realize that change is inevitable, if it wasn't this it would be something else. Having a sibling is a wonderful gift for both my children (to be). Sharing their mother, toys, clothes and life together, will teach them patience, love and understanding. Just because my lap has gotten smaller, my heart has not, in fact, it has gotten bigger. Most children don't remember the birth of their younger siblings, much less are tramatized for life by the event. Some day when they are quietly playing together in their room occupying eachother and giving me a much needed few minutes of peace I will be really happy I did this.
Posted by: Susan | January 23, 2006 at 07:39 PM
I only have one child, but I was a second born daughter and I never felt any less loved by my parents than my older sister.
And although my siblings and I had our share of childhood squabbles, as adults we're all the most perfect friends/support system.
Good luck with your new family of four. There's always pleanty of love to go around.
Posted by: LauriJon | January 23, 2006 at 04:31 AM
This all sounds so familiar...oh, yeah, I went through just about the same thing! Lots of guilt while expecting the second. Tortured myself over it, practically. But man, you will be amazed at how your capacity for love just grows and grows with each child. You can't imagine it now, but just wait. And your first born will be just fine- better, even. It's going to be incredible...Just hang in there!
Posted by: Kristen | January 22, 2006 at 09:46 PM
My 2nd daughter is 6 months and this is exactly what I was feelin' waiting for her to arrive. I felt more guilt about knocking my 3 year old out of her spotlight than I did excitement about the impending arrival... fortunately, my girls are completely in love with each other (for now), and all is peaceful in our house (for now)!
Posted by: Sarah | January 22, 2006 at 01:53 PM
I think we all have this same sort of guilty, having 4 boys I did it everytime thinking what am I doing. Hang in there, being the oldest of 4 kids myself I am soo ever grateful (most days) to have siblings to share joys and fears with. So will your kids and so do my boys.
Take care!
Posted by: shelly | January 22, 2006 at 10:03 AM
Oh,I remember soooo well going through this when I was going from Mama of One to Mama of Two (er...actually Three,since they turned out to be twins). After having 5 kids, I can easily say the transition between 1 and 2 is the hardest.
Posted by: Rebecca | January 22, 2006 at 10:03 AM
Nicely done. I could have written the same letter to my unborn daughter and her brother-in-waiting about 19 months ago....I was so worried that I hadn't done things as well the second time around and that my son's life as he knew it was over. And in some ways I wish I had done some things differently the second time (spent more time just loving my pregnant belly) and for my son, in many ways his life as he knew it WAS over...and at first it was hard (very, very). But now, it's amazing...they love each other and it's just as you said: "a good thing for everyone in the long run."
Posted by: amy h. | January 22, 2006 at 09:12 AM
Well said. I just went through that 8 months ago. Everything has turned out fabulously!
Posted by: Shelley | January 22, 2006 at 08:43 AM