By Christine
Whoosh, slap, whoosh slap! I’m in heaven. No, it’s not ice cream this time. It’s a brand-spanking new washing machine that is the object of my joy. I haven’t felt this kind of excitement since I slid down a two-mile waterslide at Watercountry USA last summer. It’s been 10 days since my old machine lived its last spin cycle. Do you know what it is like to manage the laundry of an athletic family of four without a laundrymat as back-up? Oh my word. I must be a housewife.
Easy up, Sally! Now hold on there just a minute. It seems like only yesterday that my Smith College roommate and I were listening to Michelle Shocked warble a tune about her Alaskan housewife friend in her 1988 hit song, "Anchorage."
"I sound like a housewife, I think I'm a housewife," her musical protagonist claims.
"That won’t be us," my friend and I grinned into our Ivy League frappes way back in 1988. We had plans. We were going places. Now she’s a housewife in Boston, and I’m one in Munich. And we’re happy as clams.
What happened?
It isn’t true that I’ve settled, is it? I haven’t ‘opted out’ as The New York Times, et. al claim, as if there is only one way to maintain a healthy working life. Ellen Goodman’s Boston Globe article "Desperate Ex-Housewives" about Terry Hekker -- whose writing in the 1960’s embraced domesticity -- got me to thinking. Terry finds herself divorced after 40 years of marriage. Left penniless, she questions everything she stood for all these years. Ms. Goodman’s "housewife beware" attitude left me rattled and bewildered.
Come now. There are good things about being home. In fact, I think of myself as a writer who has chosen to stay home with her kids. I’m not really a housewife. Well, I’m not only a housewife. But, what’s wrong with being a housewife? Why do I feel a sense of inadequacy, a sense of broken dreams when I utter the term?
My own burbling delectation over an appliance has me suspicious. According to Ms. Goodman, we should be out working, making a name for ourselves and forget staying home with the kids. What these writers tend to forget is children do not raise themselves. Someone has to do it. Why do I need to catechize my own motives for staying home with my kids? It’s shocking to think I have embraced housewifedom with such enthusiasm, and yet I’d have it no other way.
Ms. Goodman writes: "There was the shock of finding herself [Terry] treated like ‘outdated kitchen appliances’." Now that statement is revealing. It shows how much Terry has forgotten about being a housewife. And how much shame goes with the role, pressed into the sinews of every housewife's back as she makes a home for her family -- and herself.
Have you ever asked a housewife how much she loves her appliances? Just ask me, Terry. You’ll find me under ‘H’ (for Hohlbaum) in the phone book.
Christine is an American author and freelance writer living near Munich, Germany, with her husband and two children (Jackson, 4 and Sophia, 6).
Well, what a load of codswallop from career mums!!! I live in England and I had the experiance of a career with fantastic prospects, the bright future of a high flyer, and the well paid glory. Yes, being a housewife and mother is mundane, well so is ANY job. The only difference is that it isn't paid work, and so for some completely dumbfounded, uneducated reason, there are people that suppose that full-time housewives and mothers are dim-witted, stupid, uninteresting people. That they should be ashamed of themselves when other women say, "Oh, I juggle my work and my children!" Infact, I now find that I am a gardener, internal designer and decorator, nanny, nurse, chef, cleaner, accountant, personal shopper and should I go on with other careers...????? I am a self-taught, multi-tasking, brilliant human being and my kids have the BEST attention. They are thriving at school as a result, they get home cooked, healthy food everyday, my husband doesn't get nagged for the shelf he hasn't put up and nobody is uncared for, in trouble with the law, un-loved or unhappy. HOUSEWIVES are the strongest individuals, (because they rarely get a bonus or gratitude). They are the most professional, fantastically unselfish, giving, humane beings. I get my satisfaction from my happy home and I know I created it!!!! What person that is working can give ALL that?? They'd be too tired, frankly, and so something has to give. Usually, it is those we love the most that suffer from that extra wage. If you CAN survive without a second income, because you're not on the breadline, then you should stay at home!! Why have kids if someone else brings them up, with their values and not yours! Why miss out on that first step, first word, first "I hate you" and then the hug that comes after?? Are women that shallow now that only money talks? I've just had the most wonderful night! Not dinner for two on Valentine's night, my husband took me and our grown up children, (my family) out for dinner, we were the only family in the restaurant!) It was brilliant, and admired by all! WE REAP WHAT WE SOW!!!!!
Posted by: Kirsty | February 14, 2008 at 06:08 PM
I am at the far end of the parenting spectrum, ready for full time social security (if it's still there) in April, and have no regrets that for the first twelve years of parenting (l963 to l975) I was mostly a stay-at-home mom. There were six months as a teacher to earn the money for father of the children to get his Ph.D. There was another year employed as a secretary until he got the Ph.D. But after that, it was organic gardening, making all our bread, canning, freezing, making playdough, having picnics, playgroups and volunteering. St. Lawrence County, NY didn't have a Health Department. Our lobbying as the League of Women Voters got one. Genesee County, NY didn't recycle. Citizens for Ecological Action, Inc. got recycling going. Then I got my pink slip from my husband, and was out in the work world. Salary in l975? $8,000 a year. His salary: $30,000. I wouldn't have given up those years of stay-at-home parenting, and all the children were in school by this time. The key is balance not blame, and I picked myself up, taught myself some skills and ended up earning much more than he did in the end. The children are all thriving by the way.
Posted by: willow | January 27, 2006 at 10:47 AM
Ha! I'm also in Germany, about an hour and a half north of Munich, and found it a slap in the face when I applied for our German bank account. You see, the young assistant manager asked what my profession was, and I told her I was a mother at home with my child. She nodded approvingly and made a couple of notes. I was sitting there, feeling good about my sacrificing, nurturing self when she handed my application over for me to review.
It was the line for "occupation" that stood out.
It said "haus frau".
Gee, thanks.
Posted by: Lee | January 27, 2006 at 08:28 AM
I was also in the "happy valley" in the late 80s, telling my boyfriend (now my husband and father to my three kids), that I didn't want kids because I wanted to be able to travel for work and put my career first.
LOL.
Posted by: Kris | January 22, 2006 at 09:53 PM
First, I just discovered the site. Good job, ladies!
Second, I'm wondering when it became a horrible thing to be a housewife? I'm wondering why we aren't applauded for deciding to sacrifice so that our children are raised by, you know, their parent(s)? Instead of evil day-care people?
Sure, every now and then I actually miss getting up; rushing around to sit in traffic; drinking coffee all day that was made at 6 am; spending time hearing all the insipid office b.s.; sitting in traffic on the way home; collapsing into the front door at 8pm.
Then I realize that it's my JOB to play in the flower bed or noodle around in the kitchen or answer every bang in the living room with a bang in the dining room. Bliss.
And I smack myself for even for one second missing the work-world.
~Liz
Posted by: Liz Rhoades | January 20, 2006 at 05:05 AM
i hear ya, christine. since leaving my fulltime corporate job, i've struggled with my sense of identity. so has my husband: whenever i refer to myself as a housewife, my husband says, "no, you're self-employed!"
cheers,
jessica
p.s. i'm a bryn mawr alum
Posted by: jessica j | January 19, 2006 at 07:35 PM