Dude looks like a lady

by Amy M.

“Pop, you can’t eat that. That’s lady food,” Alex declared. He drew out “lady” as if it were the most insulting term that had ever passed his lips. For him, in that situation, I guess it sort of was.

Alex was referring to the Chinese “veggie delight” at Wegmans grocery store, where we were grabbing dinner with my dad. Every time we eat there (yes, it happens at least once a week), I get some of those vegetables. Combine my veggie habit with the fact that Alex has never seen a male family member eat anything green other than M&Ms and jelly beans, and his observation makes sense.

It was one of those particularly funny comments that quickly spread throughout our family. We still joke about it, but make sure Alex understands that eating his vegetables will make him “big and strong.” Fortunately he loves carrots and spinach, which is more than I can say for his father or grandfather.

Over the past few weeks, he has made some other interesting male/female distinctions. When the Disney princesses show came on recently, he said we had to change the channel because “princesses are for girls.” Yes, a stereotype. But if he’s falling prey to stereotypes, then why is his favorite color pink?

Alex is equally enthusiastic about his toy kitchen and his cars and trucks. On a recent trip to the toy store to use a gift card left over from Hanukkah, he chose a set of pots and pans with matching utensils and pot holders. However, he doesn’t “cook” much with his new equipment—instead, he uses the tops of the pots as cymbals. Some would say that’s stereotypical “boy” behavior. Until they see the turquoise feather boa around his neck.

You probably have quite an image in your mind already, but picture this: your three-year-old son driving his miniature John Deere “Gator” (how much more manly can you get?) around the yard like a pro, taking the uneven terrain in stride. No pile of leaves or fallen branches is too much for him. He’s even wearing eye protection—in the form of pink and green sunglasses with a little Minnie Mouse in the corner of one of the lenses. He’ll proudly tell you he picked those glasses out himself.

I used to be bothered when I heard him say something was just for boys or just for girls. But then I had to remind myself that I’m not the only one who’s influencing his thinking or shaping his opinions. It’s not my “fault” that he thinks princesses are just for girls. We live in a society that is still full of male and female stereotypes. All I can do is encourage him to develop his own likes and dislikes, and to be confident in his choices and in himself. Besides, it takes a confident man to wear pink, right?

Amy M. lives in Pennsylvania with her son and her husband. She works full time as a writer/editor for a large university.

Comments

[Damselfly]

I love it! I can picture your son so well based on your stories. Sounds like you are doing a good job helping him develop his own unique personality.

[Robin P]

I try not to get Lillianna in the mind set of girl things and boy things when it comes to books and toys. She likes to read "Captain Underpants" books which in my mind,would've been a boy book.(ooops did I just say that??)

She likes to play toy soldiers with Rich but she is totally a girlie girl in every way. She just knows what she likes and if it crosses a gender stereotype then so be it!

On another note,I have to say that when I was a freshman in college,I went to a service on campus for Rosh Hashanah. There were 6 hot hot guys there from the most popular fraternity which was across the street from my sorority. Each one wore dress pants with a pastel oxford shirt..pink,yellow,purple,green
orange.....I still drool thinking of them. Those were certainly not girl colors on those hunky guys!!

If you're son likes pink,I think he'll do just fine! Whenever I see a guy in a pink shirt I flash back to college!

[amy h.]

Your post made me laugh and cringe at the same time. I cringe because my son is just beginning to notice the girl/boy distinctions that society imposes. He will not venture into the "pink aisle" in the toy section at Target..simply turns up his nose at it. He used to ask me to put clips in his hair and actually wore them out of the house. Now he would laugh and say, "NO, NO, NO!" if I suggested it, understanding that it's not "right." I just hope I'm sending the messages that I want to be sending...that it takes a courageous person to go against the grain and be yourself. It sounds like you are doing a good job of sending that message in your house. Thanks for your post!