No Girls Allowed

by Melissa

It had to be unanimous. The kids had to agree to this new baby thing. If we were going to have another baby, when these boys were already 11 and 10, we felt they had a rightful say in the matter. Does that mean we would have scrapped the whole idea if they didn’t want another sibling? No. But it would have indicated the need for more discussion, more preparation, and perhaps more time. As it happened, they loved the idea. They both adored the idea of a new little person in the house and they were even mostly kind of okay that another baby meant we needed a new house. They voted yes. As long as we didn’t have a girl.

Both Daniel and Brett love babies. They’re the first to ask to hold a new cousin and the first to get on the floor to roll a ball to the toddlers. They are comfortable holding infants and running alongside a quick preschooler. Daniel has a sweet spot for a tiny smile or coo. Brett likes when a little one can play a bit rough and tumble. I know that a new baby isn’t all coos and adorable expressions, but so do they.

Part of the reason we waited so long to consider another child is that my ex-husband kept having kids. He had one child with a girlfriend and then another with his wife. Yes, he has four kids with three mothers. I claimed the role of president of this unsuspecting Mothers’ Club a long time ago. Having these two kids meant my boys ended up with two siblings who don’t live with them. If we had any kids, then the boys would have no less than three half-siblings with three people not part of their original parent group. We felt unsure about how that would affect them and if we should add to that interesting, and challenging, family dynamic.

Turns out, the boys have adjusted fine. Their half-siblings are simply a part of their life and as far as they are concerned, are the same as any sibling with no difference except living arrangement. I’m glad. It’s all any of us ever wanted. Armed with that knowledge and their blessing, we feel more comfortable moving ahead with the baby plan. But, no girls, we’ve been warned. NO girls.

Their younger siblings? Sisters.

Melissa is a thirty-year-old art historian and mama to two boys (11 and 10) living in Missouri. She and her husband are threatening to have another baby.

Comments

[Kim]

I can echo Robin. When I was 12, my mom and new step-dad adopted a baby boy. He was like my baby and I adored him. He became my shadow when he could walk, and he'd let me do things (like remove splinters, etc.) when he wouldn't let Mom and Dad near him. I left home for college when he was 6, and he did most of his growing up when I was away in the Air Force. I'm getting to know him as an adult, and I sure do like what I see. He'll always be my baby and we'll always share a special bond.

Your boys will do great no matter the sex of the baby. They will adore him or her and he/she will idolize them. I predict they will be very close.

Good luck!

[sugaredharpy]

Antiquemommy, well, we don't have a new baby (or a pregnancy) yet but my record so far is good. We don't know anything about the husband yet. We are hopeful all will work out well, but we aren't so arrogant to know there could be problems after all this time. I so wish I could throw a little good fertility around; no one should have to suffer through infertility.

SassyK, thank you!

Robin, oh my god thank you for saying that. I hope for such good fortune.

[SassyK]

I think it's awesome that your boys are so loving and open to thier half-siblings. I think that many times situations wouldn't be a big deal to our children except that we throw in all the drama and impress on them how to react to a situation. You've obviously done a good job teaching them that a half-sibling is just as good as a whole one! Good luck with having the new baby.

[Robin P]

When I was 11 1/2 yrs old,my mom got pregnant. Back then,of course,no one found out the sex of the baby until it was born.

Mom and Dad wanted a boy. Nana and I prayed for a girl. I told Mom if she had a girl,I would love the baby forever. I would TRY to love the baby if it was a boy.

Mom knitted and crocheted blue EVERYTHING. I bought everything I could find in PINK.

Luckily,I got my wish. Of course Mom and Dad were thrilled with their healthy baby and I was on cloud nine to have a sister.

My sister,Kara,is 31 years old and she is getting married in 4 months.My mom knows there will be a lot of crying on my part because I have always thought of Kara as my first baby.

I know people think that 11 years is a huge gap between children. It was the perfect age difference for my family!! No fighting...just lots of love.

Good luck to all of you!

[antiquemommy]

I am envious beyond all description of anyone so fertile they can plan to have a baby and then have one! Kids are amazingly adaptable. Too bad it wears off when you grow up.