You've come a long way, Daddy

By Erin

My husband is far from the father I thought he would be.

When I met Aaron, he had long hair, black Converse, and skulls hanging from his rear view mirror. He talked of never getting married, never adding to the world’s “problems” with more children, and he refused to say “I love you.”

Today he took both of our “problems” in the front yard to fly a kite. They ran around chasing him, and he kept scooping each child up, doting on them with kisses, “I love you’s,” and snuggles.

As they ran around, chasing the diamond with tails in the sky, I silently thanked society for allowing men to become more involved in parenting. Our fathers may have flown kites with us, but did they change diapers? Do the dishes consistently? Take ALL the kids grocery shopping every Sunday? Clean up toys?

My Dad was amazing, and gave us tons of love and affection. But he came from a very different school of thought and a different time. Men were involved in parenting, but not necessarily in the trenches of dirty diapers and administration of antibiotics.

Today’s father is delving even further into the fray as the father’s before him. It’s no longer “sissy” for him to show off his technique for swaddling. He can feel secure and proud carrying around your pink diaper bag while carrying the baby in a sling. He’s even sharing war stories of “who got peed/pooped on” with other soldiers over coffee at the office.

The National Fatherhood Initiative says children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.

Now if we could only get them to give birth.

Erin Kotecki Vest lives in Southern California and is a writer and stay-at-home Mom of Jackson, three, and Hala, one. She spent nearly a decade as a news reporter and anchor in Orlando and Los Angeles.

Comments

[Parenting]

Well when it comes to know who gives more love to their kids then my answer is both.

[Laurab]

I was complaining recently to my father that I hadn't had enough time recently away from my two and three year olds, and needed my husband to take them for a day so I could have some free time.

My father's response? "I was alone with you once."

Once.

I even verified it with my mother. She left us kids alone with him ONE TIME so she could go to a play.

So even though I sometimes think my husband is a deadbeat, I'm appreciative that the expectations of fathers - from both mothers and fathers - have changed in forty years!

[Alice H]

And if your man's not macho enough to carry a pink diaper bag (heck, I'M not macho enough to carry a pink diaper bag), you can get him one in black camouflage.

I got this diaper bag for my husband and now I'm jealous of it - it's got plenty of pockets and seems to stay more organized than my diaper backpack does.

My husband's first reaction when I told him I was pregnant (it was a surprise pregnancy) was, "I never liked kids that much." Which, frankly, was a shock because we'd talked about having kids - I felt like I was spiraling into this nightmare when he said it. Fortunately, he's shaped up into a wonderful father, and does more than his share.

[abogada]

My dad was from the old school, too. I am so truly blessed to have married someone who lavishes as much time and attention on my daughter as I do.

[Waya]

My Dad was also from the old school of Dads in some ways, but when it was time to change our diapers, cut our hair, bath time or cook...he was there for all 5 of us!

And as a result, we are such a close knitted family that we see each other every Sunday. And he's surrounded by nine adorable grandchildren!

[Kate]

If science gets to work on that last part, we're having four kids.

I agree, involved dads are a godsend.

I just wish that involved husband would come as far...

[ErinKVest]

Oh I love the visual of the necklace, ring, and crown!

[Susan]

I've never doubted my decision to marry and raise a family with my husband who is a wonderful man. But, Ive never been so sure as to what a wonderful partner I picked as when I watch him interact with our two boys. He is silly, fun, loving, kind, strict when he needs to be, just an all around great dad. He does the not so fun or glamorous jobs too like diapers and baths.

Since having my children and watching my husband interact with them, my father has even become more involved than he ever was with me as a child. My mom tells me (with a hint of jealousy) that the first diaper my father ever changed was my son's! Imagine that.

[Amanda Sanders]

My children are very lucky to have such a great dad. When I was still active duty Air Force, we were faced with the task of finding a child care provider for my 6 week old daughter. After weeks of fretting, phone calls, and frustration, my husband decided he would stay at home with Tierra while I was on duty. He took an evening job, so we wouldn't lose his income. By the time I got home every day, he was on his way out the door. The depth of our communication during that time was, needless to say, limited. "How was your day? She had a snack at 3. There are clothes in the dryer. Bye!" It didn't last long though, because I soon found out I was pregnant with our second child, and I was able to separate from the Air Force. I am now a happy (most of the time) SAHM.

[Robin P]

If men had to give birth,there would be no children.
I loved this post. I don't think there is anything sexier or heart warming than a Dad with his child/children.

I always tell people that I fell in love with Rich again when Lillianna was 3 years old. The two of them were playing the board game "Pretty pretty princess." Is there anything more loving than watching your husband wear plastic earrings with a matching necklace and ring as he puts the crown on his head and yells,"PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!" My heart melted.

Hooray for involved dads!