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July 28, 2006


Maria P.

I was a stay at home for my first three years as a mom. I started looking for work when I realized that I wasn't fulfilled and honestly needed to be at work.

I've found a nice compromise of being in the office for half of the day when my husband is home and then home with the kids for the other half when he leaves for work.

I think it is sad that in our society of supposedly enlightened people, stay at home moms have to work so hard and be uber busy for society to acknowledge them as working individuals. I remember people asking me what I was so busy doing when I was a stay at home mom. I remember feeling dumbfounded. I wish I had spoken up like I do now and launch into my long list of duties.

Those who don't understand, irritate me to no end.

Robin P

I WISH I could be a SAHM. I am juggling 3 part-time jobs and still trying to be at home for Lillianna. I work around her schedule which is not so easy.

None of my jobs give me a pat on the back. That comes from Lillianna who snuggles me every chance she gets and tells me how much she loves me. Nothing beats hearing,"You're the best mother in the world!" Motherhood is my favorite job of all.

What will I do when Lillianna grows up and leaves for college in 10 years? Who cares? I'll be a different person in 10 years and I'll have to wait and see what I am in the mood for.

If you feel like you need to fill in that blank on an application,try putting,"Awesome Mom!" I think that's a great career choice. I bet your kids would agree!


I think a lot of women think the way do. We're so trained to think that some boss giving you a pat on the back or a fat paycheck are so important. I like not having all the stupid politics of teaching or working in the office. I don't think I could ever want to go back to a regular job. That said, I have so many things I would like to do or learn about. So later when there's time I can work more on them. As for validation...my little girl's "I love you mommy" is all I need.



Really cool article! I think the work you are doing (both at home with the gang and with your writing) is great, and I really apprectiate it(even if i don't always tell you). Congratulations.

Karen R. Stenzler

Dear Randi,
I was a stay at home Mom for three years. It was a wonderful time in my life. I never even thought about an "and". Who cares if there's a giant space when filling out applications? The most important space on any application is the space your children are filling in your heart.
I think if anyone asks you what you do for a living, you should be incredibly proud when you say, "I'm a SAHM!"

helen solomon

Dear Randi,
I was a stay at home Mom and I loved every minute of it. When friends and neighbors asked me when I'm going back to work, my reply was always, "there's a time for everything and there will be plenty of time to go back to my career". When my children were grown, I found myself wandering in the street one day thinking the time has come. So after 20 years of basically being a SAHM I ventured back slowly to my teaching career. Although it was difficult at first teaching with teachers half my age, I gradually found my niche, went for my Masters in Reading at age 50, and found a whole new career. I am now in my third phase of life, retirement. Believe it or not, the happiest and most rewarding time of my life was being a SAHM without salary!!!!And Randi, don't be concerned about the "and" on an application. Your "and" is with you every day and you express yourself with beauty and compassion.


I also wonder what I'll be when my kids grow up. So far, I just write "mother" in the big blank space. You can write "mother and freelance writer!" I wonder how many women find themselves in completely different careers than before children. I don't see myself returning to my pre-children career.


Just reading your post and others I have found here help me reinforce my decision to stay home. I am about to enter my second year as a SAHM. How long does it take to get used to one income? That has been the hardest part for me...the summer has been long and hot too...but I love it. My kids are almost 3 years and 11 months and I wouldn't trade these days for anything. I know in the end it is the best thing for all of us it just helps to see it in writing from other moms...so thanks!


I would hope you're getting some kind of kudos from your "co-worker" or even your charges. There used to be the pull for me in the "and", but I have finally figured out where my passions lie and I'm able to do those whether it comes with a paycheck or not.


There is always the "and's" even if you are working. At least that's how I feel about my life. I miss my "and" to. But I'm not complaining. I'd never trade my stay at home mom/24-7 job for all the paychecks in the world..(well, maybe a 6 figure one...nah!)


Randi, your post speaks to me and reminds me that I'm not the only one feeling like this. I've gone in and out of working and staying home in my fourteen years of mothering and I still wonder what I'm going to be when my kids grow up.



First, make note of your bio! Mother AND freelance writer. The good news is that you do have at least a creative outlet for your life, though I'm sure that putting "blogger" on the camp form would have been only slightly less impressive to the administrator than "mommy", these days. Truthfully, there's no perfect solution to the mommy wars, but you've got your eye on the horizon, which means you're keeping it in perspective and know this "mommyness" that defines you is for a finite season. SAH mommy-ing is infinitely rewarding, but doesn't keep us from feeling that discomfort at a party when someone asks what we do.

All that to say, I'm with you on this, Remember you're already finding your voice while still being a SAHM, and Remember that this season will be changing.


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