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July 25, 2006


Maria P

At the pinnacle of my perfectionistic motherhood peek, I was really in the darkest places I had ever been. I went about parading this facade of fabulous mothering of two small children despite my young age and relative inexperience at life. Every quiet moment alone was spent in tears, wishing I would die and then feeling guilty that my children had such a terrible, crazy mother. Only a year or more after I found an air hole and the dark cloud surrounding me lifted, could I share my experience of that dark time with even my closest friends and husband.


Like the woman in the article Jennifer posted about, I didn't immediately love my newborn and the first months were really hard. I was so tired, my family was abroad, my son had a medical issue that required him to eat in small amounts each hour and I just don't know how I got through that time. I told a few good friends, but kept it from most because I don't think people really want to know. When they ask how things are going, they really just want to hear how fabulous it all is so they can keep their vision of motherhood intact. That, or they are just calling on their way to an important meeting/game/whatever and don't have time to listen. So rather than make them uncomfortable, we suffer silently. At least we have blogs and the internet to share with now! :) Great post.


I had very bad PPD after my first baby five years ago. It was only a couple of years ago that I told my very best friends about it. It was hard to be depressed, but it was even harder hearing people tell me how blessed I was and how lucky I was. That made me feel like I must be the most vile and rotten mother in the world not to feel all that lucky or blessed.

Of course my friends now ask WHY didn't you tell us?????? And, of course, I wish I had!

Great post.


I think this goes for many struggles we face. I know I've been dealing with some things and can hardly bring myself to ask anyone to pray for me, let alone talk to anyone about what I'm going through.


I so appreciate your article. I remember when I was pregnant, I read an article by a woman who confessed that she didn't immediately love her newborn; that the first few months were incredibly hard, and the love was something that developed over time. That article gave me courage when my daughter was born to be honest with people when they asked, "So, was it just love at first sight?" Because the answer was no! It's really hard to love someone who doesn't love you back, and my daughter didn't give a rat's butt who was changing her diapers or feeding her, as long as it was done. So the love on my part was an act of will, not a fuzzy feeling. The fuzzy feeling quickly came, and as I got payback in the form of smiles and cuddles I was soon head over heels. Our bond formed deeply, but not instantly. And I would have been too embarrassed to admit that to other women if another mother hadn't spoken up before me.

So thank you - for giving us all the courage to be vulnerable with each other! If we can't turn to fellow mommies for empathy and encouragement, then where?



This totally gave me inspiration for a post here on dotmoms :)

Thank you and THANK you for opening up with us!!

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