A solemn anniversary

By Amy H.

Five years ago I was enjoying a leisurely morning holding my 3-month-old baby boy in my arms. The sun was warming us as it shone down through the living room skylight onto our red flowered sofa where we sat for our morning feeding. I flipped on the "Today" show and looked down into the contented eyes of my nuzzling infant. I had no way of knowing at that quiet moment in September that what had initially looked like a tragic airline accident would forever change the sense of safety that we felt as a nation.

I called my husband at work and told him that something weird had just happened. A plane had just crashed into one of the World Trade Centers and it looked like the building was on fire. My husband was a counseling psychologist at the university where classes had just resumed, and I knew that many of the students had families in New York. We spoke for just a moment then he was off to a staff meeting. It was 9 a.m.

My son finished nursing and I laid him on his playmat where he peered up at himself in the dangling mirror. As he squirmed and cooed next to me, the unthinkable happened. A second plane hit the other tower while news cameras were rolling. My heart lurched and my hands began to shake as I sat mesmerized by the smoking buildings on the screen. This could not have been an accident. It was 9:03.

I called my husband again knowing that I would just be leaving a message and wondered if I should ask him to come right home. I told him what I'd seen and asked him to call me. I suddenly felt panicked and vulnerable and terribly alone. My son began to cry, so I picked him up and bounced him in my arms but kept my eye on those smoking towers and hugged him closer to my chest.

Soon the towers came crashing down in an enormous cloud of smoke and debris, and there were the reports of terrorism and a nation at war. What had started out as a tranquil morning at home with my baby became a day of horror that would be etched in my mind for a lifetime.

Five years ago, as my son slept in my arms I wrote these words in my journal: "You are sleeping, my sweet boy, safe in my arms, unaware of all the change in the air. You look so peaceful -- I wish you could always know such peace."

Where were you and your children the morning of Sept. 11, 2001?

Amy H. is a thirty-something SAHM and part-time psychology professor living in the deep South with her husband and two children.

Comments

[Shelley Bailey]

I was on my first vacation away with my husband - without the children. My daughter was 2 and my son was 6 months old. They were with my mother (who had flown to my house for the vacation), and our nanny, an arab girl from Morroco.
My husband had left early to play golf and as I was headed out the door to go lay by the pool I turned on CNN for a quick news fix. I stood there and watched the smoke billow from the first tower and then, in horror, watched the second plane hit on the split screen on the tv, while the reporter on the other half of the screen kept reporting - not knowing that the second plane had hit while he was talking, and the whole world was watching what he did not know, right next to his face.
I stumbled back a few steps to the sofa and four hours later was still sitting on the edge of the sofa with my room key and sunglasses in my hands.
All I wanted to do was to get back to my babies in Colorado (a quick call made sure they were all okay) but the flights to Miami were booked and even if we could have gotten there, the flights out were cancelled and all rental cars were taken. We were stuck in the Bahamas for an extra week. I still don't understand when people who hear my story say mockingly "Well that must have been terrible to have been stuck in the bahamas for a week" Where the hell were they that day and did it not impact them?
Later that day, I found the very large bahamian woman who had given me a massage a day earlier. At the time she was kind and caring and she felt like the closest thing to a mother I could find. And I needed that. When she saw me crying she opened her arms wide and enveloped in her body. She rocked me and stroked my hair and cried, sometimes a soft wail - she told me that Jesus loved me, she prayed to Jesus to take care of my children. She was my mom for an hour - an hour when I needed a mom desperately. A hotel maid who I had befriended brought her daughter over the next day to hang out with me. The little girl looked at me and said "We thought you would be missing your girl awfully bad so I came here today so you could have me." Bless their hearts - it was just what I needed. I spent the day with that little girl - eating ice cream, walking around town, buying her a uniform for school. She let me soothe my soul in her beautiful innocence and joy for life.

Thankfully my children were too young to understand what happened, and, thankfully my own mother was with my children.

The world changed that day and continues to change everyday because of that one day. I wonder what everything will be like when my kids are young adults - surely, many aspects of their lives will have been molded by that one day years ago - but, they will be oblivious to most of those changes. I can only hope that they don't live with a sense of uncertainty and fear that I feel these days.

[bebemiqui]

I was sleeping in (being 7 mos. pregnant) and my spouse ran in the house and told me of a plane crash. He'd just gotten to his history class (ironic huh?) and his teacher said, "Go home, watch history change." I remember the feeling of national dread that hung over that day. Forget personal problems, our country had a problem!

[Robin P]

I was on my way to drop Lillianna off at nursery school. I had been listening to WRKO which is a talk radio station in Boston. They were reporting the first plane crash but they weren't sure what had happened and I couldn't process what they were saying.

I arrived at school and asked the other moms if they knew what was going on. A couple of moms said they had heard something but weren't sure what they heard. I think it was too unbelievable to accept that it was real.

When I got back in the car,I listened some more and drove to my friend's house. We stood in front of the tv for 2 1/2 hours watching the horror unfold. Even after seeing the replays of everything,we didn't completely understand that we were under attack. I think we thought it was a bad pilot mistake both times. Denial can be such a safe place.

When they said it was terrorists we felt sick.
Who would hurt us on purpose like that?....and WHY? What did we ever do to anyone?

After picking Lillianna up from school,I raced home. Rich had to appear in court that day for a job dispute which he won,so he had the rest of the day off. We sat in front of the tv all day and night,unable to watch anything else.

[Maria P.]

I was seven months pregnant with my first child. I was sleeping and my husband woke me up to see what had happened.

[Sarah]

My son was 9 months old, and I too, remember a calm peaceful morning. I turned on the TV just in time to watch the second plane hit. I remember looking at my son, knowing change was in the air, thanking that he was not old enough to remember or know what we lossed that day.