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October 27, 2006


Chelsea Leis

That's too bad, dear. Fear and anxiety about your health care is normal, but nonetheless serious. You can't simply convince yourself that you're okay. Good thing you managed to face your fears and go to your doctor. That's a start. Good luck.


I'm 40 and haven't seen a doctor in years. I'm just too afraid that they'll find something, particularly cancer. I just can't get up the courage to make an appointment even though I know I should. Any suggestions for taking that first step?


I just went to have my first pap in 6 years. Scared to death of doctors since i was little but for a different reason. Afraid of needles and pain. Cry for a week before any painfull procedure. Drive my husband nuts with this. My husband says he is going to start making my appointments so I dont freak out 2 weeks before. I was bad enough with everything and then I had a botched foot sergury that had me on pain killers for 5 months. Finally went for my pap test and they said I need a biopsy. Have canceled this appointment 3 times now. Does anyone else feel this way. Because I cant sleep and it is started to control my life.


I am with you gals but for different reasons. I experienced fifteen years of ill health when younger and had numerous scary treatments. I have felt ridiculed, belittled and traumatized by the medical system overall. I haven't had a doctor I could trust in ten years...and that one made monumental mistakes with my healthcare. The system tells you to be upbeat, in charge of your healthcare and informed. The doctors make you feel insecure and idiotic if you do. The scariest thing in the world for a doctor is a patient who knows more about her problem than he does. I know, I've spent years studying my issues because doctors could never figure out the root cause, didn't care to find it and would rather treat symptoms. That's good for them, good for the drug companies and lousy for the patient who suffers from the same problem disguised by dozens of drugs with dozens of side effects that may also require treatment to quell.

My experiences have been traumatic and I won't go into them but I have this monstrous emotional overload when I even sit and think about the things the medical system has put me through. Yes, they were ignorant and I was ignorant. Yes, they made mistakes and we are all human. Yes. All of that. I am willing to forgive and go on.. if they don't keep repeating their behaviors toward me. I've hurt people too without wanting to. Forgive but how do you forget? All those personal and physical traumas rise up within me and demand accountability, demand recognition whenever I go see a doctor.

I avoid doctors at all costs for myself and would only go if absolutely necessary. Am I afraid they will discover something terribly wrong with me? The plain fact is that if something terrible is wrong with you, you will know it if you are sensitive to your own body. If they find that hidden cancer or heart disease or brain tumor you dread, are you willing to go through the radical treatments necessary to try and correct or more likely, suppress it? If not, why work so hard at getting that scary diagnosis?

The truth is that you have to change your entire physical lifestyle and perhaps emotional climate to fight disease. If you mistreat your body because of ignorance, the disease process wakes you up to that reality and says "change or suffer the consequences." Nothing ever happens in life for no reason...nothing is idiopathic. Thats what the medical system tells us, disease spontaneously erupts from nowhere. Bull. Nothing comes from nothing, it is a scientific principle. But everything else has a cause.

I don't fear doctors because of their treatments or drugs but because of their cold and impervious demeanor, misdiagnoses primarily owing to failure to take the time to really take time to get to know me like I do and lastly, their absolute refusal to trust that I know what is best for me in the end run...even if it differs from their drug company based protocols.

Like you, if I have to go to a doctor, I sweat and pace and dread the entire experience. I go and sit in panic waiting fo that hopeful but climactic moment of truth or trauma. My blood pressure rises to accompany my pounding heart and my eyes bulge with fear. What will they do to me now? That is what I am thinking. What assanine protocol will they recommend? What personal fear does this doctor have that will be reflected in his diagnosis and treatment of me? If I say too much about my condition will I intimidate this doctor and be badly treated as usual? If I say too little will he fail to grasp my situation? Will he try to find something wrong that does not exist and try to pressure me into a treatment I don't want or need? Can I be the master of my own healthcare and still work with a doctor who won't find me intimidating and annoying?

The end result. I end up acting like an ignoramus so the doctor won't be intimidated. I think every physician should do a more than comprehensive history and exam and then provide a well informed diagnosis instead of relying upon a host of nurses and techs who may or may not care enough to get the info right. Then he should offer his opinion for treatment and let the patient decide if it is right for him or her. Doctors don't live in patients bodies and shouldn't make or pressure the final decision on treatment.

My daughter says I should ask every doctor I end up seeing, "do you believe in God or do you believer you ARE God?"


I may be talking to myself because it looks like no one has posted here in a while, but I fear the doctor for different reasons. I would like to know if anyone shares my dilemma. I am terrified of the doctor. I recently discovered that I am pregnant (which I am thrilled about), but my excitment turned into a tear-filled, hyperventilating panic attack because I knew I would have to visit the ob/gyn (the worst type of doctor) many times over the next year. I have irrational fears of being criticized for my slightly overweight body (even the mention of me losing weight sends me into tears... They don't need to tell me), and I don't like all the questions. I don't know why they need to know so much about private sexual history... They are going to test me for certain things no matter what I say anyway! And if they only test certain people based on what they say, than that doesn't seem very safe! (People often lie or forget!) What if I don't follow their statistics? Then they just won't test me? And worst of all, I can't handle doctors/nurses that stare down at me with a smile while I am lying there terrified, naked, and vulnerable. Sometimes they stroke my hair or arm and tell me it will be alright, and then just go to the other end of the bed and stare as the doctor does a vaginal exam. Yes... comfort makes it worse. Does anyone else suffer like I do? And do you have any advice for all of my upcoming exams. I am forcing myself to go through this for the sake of my baby, but this terror and stress can't be good for my baby either!


I know how you feel. I am 33 and have never had a pap or breast exam. I am currently studying to become a nurse. Imagine that! I have been to several different Dr., PA, NP can't seem to find one I like. I know what it is like.


I am 39 years old and have a huge fear of the dr. I have not been to one in about 12 years. I know better but just can not bring myself to do it. Just typing this makes my heart race, and my hands sweat. I guess I am afraid of what they will uncover, who knows. I don't know what to do..


Well, here's my confession... I'm FINALLY going after 4 years to the doctor on Thursday. Like you, I'm nervous - nervous that they'll find something.

I don't know where the time went between the birth of my youngest and now. Really, I have no excuses.

amy h.

It was very brave of you 1) to make the appointment and go even with all the fear that you had and 2) admit to something that I think a lot of women secretly share with you and will now benefit from your story. Here's to your health! Great post!
~Amy h.

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