"Super Mom Syndrome" strikes again

By Amy M.

"Ahoy Mateys!" began the invitations to Alex's fourth birthday party. The rest of the text was peppered with pirate lingo and invited his friends -- er, mateys -- to a party and treasure hunt with "grub, goodies and games." Parents were asked to RSVP to Alex's "First Mate Mom." I printed the invitations on special “scroll” paper using the "Backladder" font, which was recommended online by other pirate party planners (yes, there are a lot of them).

When the kids arrived, they could choose from a selection of pirate clothing and paraphernalia, including kerchiefs, sashes, hats and eye patches. They played games such as "hook for pretzels" (using a pirate hook they wore over their hand) and "pin the eye patch on the pirate." The climax, of course, was the treasure hunt, during which the kids raced from spot to spot in our backyard (each spot had a picture that told them where to go next) and finally discovered a treasure chest filled with "loot": trinkets, pads and pencils, gold foil-covered chocolate coins, and more.

I'm not trying to brag about the lengths I went to for my son's birthday party (OK, maybe a little). Rather, this post is a confession: I did all that work for ME.

Alex could not have cared less. Sure, he wanted the treasure hunt, but he didn't ask for the "under the sea" blue Jell-o filled with gummy fish and sharks. Or the table decorated with fish net and seashells. Or the personalized bags for the kids' loot.

I guess I wanted to be perceived as a "super mom." I wanted people to "ooh" and "ahh" over the decorations and the food and the games and wonder how I planned everything while juggling a full-time job and all my other responsibilities. (Hint, I had some downtime at the office.) It was the overachiever in me, combined with my perfectionist and obsessive-compulsive tendencies, that made me work so hard to make the party perfect -- for Alex, but mainly for me.

And I got the response I wanted -- rave reviews and words of praise for my party-planning skills. As a bonus, all the kids seemed to have fun and were relatively well-behaved!

Once an over-achiever, always an over-achiever, I suppose. And is that such a bad thing? Does it really matter that my perfectionist tendencies -- not Alex -- drove me to spend hours online and visiting different stores just to find the perfect invitation (not to mention the menu planning, decoration buying, food preparation, etc.)? In the end, both of us were happy.

I hope I'm not alone here. So 'fess up. Have you personally decorated 100 cookies to impress your fellow playgroup moms? Applied make-up before dropping your kid off at preschool so you look put together for the teachers and other parents? Who else has fallen prey to the "super mom syndrome"?

Amy M. lives in Pennsylvania with her son and her husband. She works full time as a writer/editor for a large university.

Comments

[Amy]

I'm a 'good enough' mom and happy with that. Perhaps comes with time?

My kids love me and say I am the best mom out there. To me that is enough :)

[Charli]

Oh, you know we all do! I am totally sweating it every time there is a play date or play group or lunch out or in or group trip to the mall or story time at the library. I have to have myself done up, Hali done up, house picked up- and they aren't even coming over! If anyone- especially the inlaws are coming over, I have to have the house just right. I figure if its not that nice in real life, I'll take some pictures, and remember it like it was! Kidding...

[Robin P]

After reading this post and Kris' post I realized I am a total underachiever!

I try to keep things simple but fun. I seriously think I'm a lazy mom when it comes to party details.

When driving Lillianna to school in the morning,when I wake up late,I wet my hair and hope it curls enough to throw it in a headband and get her to school. I figure it's a bonus that I don't drive her with curlers in my hair,right???

[Elizabeth]

Am I a compulsive over-achiever...?

You betcha.

But I've learned to pick my obsessions carefully because life has stopped being all full of time :)

[Nicole]

Have you put on make-up before a meeting in the office? Have you stayed up all night perfecting a power-point presentation? Have you written person emails to every person working on a project to maximize their involvement? Mothering is a job like any other and I don't think that there is anything wrong with dealing with it in the same manner you deal with other jobs. I wouldn't be embarrassed to admit doing any of the things I listed doing for my office job, and I'm not embarrassed that I spent weeks organizing my daughters first birthday party. I would be embarrassed to admit that I had put more effort into the companys annual meeting than I did into my daughters party because they are equally important to me- obviously for different reasons. I hope no moms are embarrassed about doing stuff like that.