Politically correct parenting

By Kelly

At fourteen, Tyler has a quirky and still-developing sense of humor and wants to express it freely. I had to draw the line with the button he recently wore home on his shirt that said: If they don't get your joke, riddle them with bullets.

When I told him it had to go back to the store for either a refund or an exchange for something less dangerously provocative, he was angry that I would stifle his creative expression. "What's the big deal? It's not like I would DO it."

I pointed out three recent news stories about school shootings and my constant fear that something like that could happen in our so-called safe world. I said that kids thinking violence is funny and parents not knowing it, or not caring about it, is one of the things that makes me so afraid to send my kids out into the world without me every day. I think it's at the heart of why so many kids are acting out with violence. I would not just let it slip by and say, "Oh, he's just expressing his sense of humor." No way.

He teared up and took off the button.

"I just don't understand how you think that's even remotely funny," I said.

"Mom, I didn't think of it like that. It's just a funny play on words. A joke? A riddle?"

"Right," I countered. "Bullets? Death? Killing? Dead?"

"Okay! I know! I'm returning it."

Which he did a few days later, and came home with two new ones that other people might find equally offensive and provocative.

I found Jesus. He was behind the couch the whole time.

A village in Texas has lost its idiot in block letters below Bush’s grinning mug.

So do we have to train our kids to be so politically correct that they can't wear their sense of humor on their sleeves? I'm at a loss. Did I let him keep the new ones because I think they're funny? Because they resonate with my political leanings, with my grain-of-salt attitude about historical religious figures and religion in general?

Yes. Yes I did. And if they don't get the joke? Well, I hope he'll just smile knowingly and walk away.

Kelly Ferry lives in Northeast Ohio with her husband, teen son, and toddler daughter. She writes when she can, thinks about writing when she can't, and knows more will be revealed.

Comments

[Heather Wallace]

Thought you "boy-raisers" may relate to this story:

http://www.orato.com/node/1049

Can you top it?
Heather Wallace
Senior Editor
Orato Media Corp.
www.orato.com

[thesilentk]

Thanks for the scary glimpse into my future...

I love the way you handled it.

[heidi]

I agree (it looks like we're pretty much unanimous here, huh?) with your decision, too. I also wanted to point out that you should be overjoyed that your son is aware enough of the political climate to form an opinion either way. That's a wonderful thing for a teen:) (Plus he's totally right about Bush..lol)

[Kris]

I think your decision was a good compromise - something that Tyler probably appreciates, if quietly.

I'm facing this 14 yo sense of exploratory humor, too. So far, I haven't had to make any really tough calls, but my mom has definitely had problems with some of his comments. Good thing she lives 2500 miles away...

[andrea from the fishbowl]

I hate political correctness, and some people go way over the top, but I would have done the exact same thing you did.

In this day and age the joke about the bullets/violence just isn't funny.

[BeckaJo]

Thre is a huge difference between threats of violence and poltitico-religious mocking. I do know some Christians who would find the Jesus one offensive, but I know an equal number who interprete it like Robin P. up there. As for the Bush one...old hat.

[Angelina]

I would wear a t-shirt that said "I found Jesus, He was behind the couch all this time"! I think there's a fine line between making fun of people (as in Bush$#$#@#^%*&^%(&* and good ol' Jesus) and joking about killing people. It's always going to be a hard call and I think you have to trust yourself. Part of parenting is raising your kids to be people you can feel good about, and all of us have different ideas about that. A mormon mom is going to make calls about clothes and humor that I would never make, likewise, she would never let her kids joke about god as I would. I think our job is to reign their creativity in when it could result in them getting hurt or when it could scare the shit out of other people (as in, all jokes about killing others)

Tyler is going to find his own sense of humor, creativity, and sense of self expression even when you offer restrictions. Sometimes it's the restrictions that build their character the most.

I figure that I will always try to give Max some room to explore poor taste and judgement, but if something he does disturbs me or I think it will get him hurt I will step in. Totally at my discretion. If he tried to wear some pin which supported the Klu Klux Klan I would burn the damn thing instantly and I would be completely honest about why I object. I'm willing to bet that there are parents out there who would enjoy seeing their kids wear such a pin.

I think you made a good call and I would have done the same.

[amy h.]

Loved your post! I would have done the same thing (returning the bullet one but allowing the Jesus/Bush ones) - and probably for the same reasons. I'm with Robin P - I think that your son likely respects your decisions and limit-setting - I hope I remember your example when I'm faced with a similar situation.

[kelly]

Oh, Robin, I don't know about the Mommy of the year...but thanks for the encouragement.

[kelly]

Well, they were small buttons that you wear on your jacket or put on a backpack, not shirts. I don't think I would have let it fly at all if it was so big and visible.

over PCness is exhausting.

[Maria P.]

Good call on the first shirt. Not all appropriate in our world today. I imagine school may not have approved either. Even if he wouldn't do that, someone else out there might and you don't want to plant the seed.

I am not a fan of over PCness. It irritates me to no end. I doubt I would have let my children wear either of the second shirts in publi though, just because they are rude and I am big on politeness, even to those you dislike.

I think it is great you are still paying attention what your children wear even at an older age. I see a lot of kids whose parents obviously don't.

WTG :D

[Robin P]

I would've done the same thing. There is a HUGE difference between alluding to the fact that you think our president is an idiot and saying that if you don't think I am funny,I have no problem violently killing you.

I think that what is wrong with the world is that we see and hear about violence every single day. Our kids are playing violent video games "for fun," and they are completely immune as to what shooting and killing someone is really like.
Then they kill for fun and it's a different story.

It is so hard to be a vigilant parent. It takes a lot of work to be up our kid's butt 24/7 but that's where you'll find me!

I applaud your decision. Honestly,I think your son respects you even more for having him exchange the buttons. The two he bought,are funny although I am sure others will find them offensive.

I have seen the Jesus one before.I interpreted it as to mean that people are out there looking for Jesus when all along,he's been right in front of you.
I think it's kind of inspirational and funny. Ok,I'm Jewish....but still!

Good job! You get the Mommy of the year award.