The tangerine blouse

By Tina

I am sitting on the floor in my closet, staring at several boxes of maternity clothes.

Antique Daddy: I wish you were pregnant again. 

Antique Mommy: Yeah, me too.

Antique Daddy: I'd be terrified if you were pregnant again.

Antique Mommy: Yeah, me too ... Do you think I should give away my maternity clothes?

Antique Daddy: (Silence)

Antique Mommy: Yeah, me too.

* * *

I know most women hate maternity clothes, but I loved mine.  When Sean came six weeks early in mid-November, I was so disappointed that I had holiday maternity clothes I wouldn't get to wear.

Every time I go into my closet I see these boxes. And every time I see these boxes I think "I should give these things away to someone who can use them, someone who is pregnant." I am practical. I have pulled out these boxes a number of times intending to pass them on, but I never get further than the bedroom door with them. I am not a hoarder, yet I can't seem to part with them. To give up on these clothes is to give up ... I don't complete the thought.

Once again, I have pulled out the boxes, and like Pandora, I can't resist looking inside. Even after nearly three years, the familiar clean smell of laundry detergent rises up. I pull out a tangerine cotton blouse with tiny yellow flowers. I hold it up to myself and look in the mirror. I stick out my tummy, placing a hand where a baby would be nestled inside my body. I feel the sensation of joy fill my bloodstream as I imagine I am pregnant again. I picture in my mind how I waddled around the neighborhood in that tangerine blouse in a proud display of impending motherhood. I recall what a season of joy that was in my life. I catch sight of myself in the mirror, unaware that I am smiling.   

I remember that I will soon be 47. The smile fades. I put the tangerine blouse back in the box. I put the lid on the box and shove it back into the closet.

Tina is a mid-40s mom to 2-year-old Sean who can outwit, outsmart and outplay her on any given day.

Comments

[Maria P.]

I ache to be pregnant again too but I doubt it will ever happen. Hang onto your maternity clothes as long as you need. You'd feel sillier going to buy new ones because you missed the old ones if you weren't going to get pregnant again. ;)

[Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom]

I loved being pregnant. I choose not to give my maternity clothes away either.

I also choose not to decide whether to have more children. I only have one and I am on the fence about a second. I loved being pregnant, but recovery was bad news.

When you are ready, you will do what you have to.

Great post.

[Robin P]

When Rich and I moved from our house to an apartment 3 1/2 years ago,we were also separating. I gave away all my maternity clothes and ALL of Lillianna's clothes from infancy to age 4 which I had kept in case I got pregnant again. It was so sad to mourn the loss of my marriage and the hope of ever being a mom again.

Luckily,a friend of mine knew a 19 year old girl who was single and pregnant and her daughter was due around when Lilliana was born so she came and took all our stuff. She was so grateful and I was happy that it was going to someone who needed it.

Even then,at 40,I figured I was older than I wanted to be to get pregnant again but it was so sad to know for sure that it was never going to happen. I had the best pregnancy and always wanted one more child.

In the end,Rich and I got back together but last year I was diagnosed with diabetes and I wouldn't risk a pregnancy now. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

I know how you feel. I loved my maternity clothes. I felt so pretty in them and so proud that I was pregnant! It was a very exciting time.

I agree with whoever said to cut them up and make a quilt. What a super idea!!
My sister in law made me a lap blanket with my Dad's old shirt that I had saved after he died and some of Lillianna's material from a baby blanket. I treasure it.

[Kris]

I hear you. And I agreed with you absolutely until just recently when I got pregnant for the third and final time. I decided just this week that I hate being pregnant...I wonder if anyone else would fess up to that. LOL.

[Amy]

Wait until you start getting rid of the pre-school toys and stuff. Ouch.

[melissa]

i understand how you feel. i haven't been able to part with mine yet either. and i feel the same way about being pregnant again: terrified and yet a longing.

[Shannon @ Rocks in my Dryer]

Maybe you could cut them up into little squares and make a quilt out of them! That's what I'm doing with my kids' baby clothes!

[Suz]

I love clothes. Love them - and I was looking forward to maternity clothes. However, I wasn't small before I was pregnant with the twins and, before I knew it, the only place I could buy clothes was the men's section of Target.

Not exactly fashionable and I was happy to toss all but one piece.

We decided not to have more children - a decision brought on by age, finances, and difficulty as much as by anything else. I think that it's natural, but I still feel a touch of sadness looking at picture of the babies when they were little.

[Leslie]

I loved being pregnant. I haven't been able to get rid of my maternity clothes either.

Lovely post.

[mama speak]

Get rid of all but a favorite one or two. I can tell you that if you did get pregnant again you'd GO SHOPPING and buy all NEW stuff! (You'd probably need to cause, like me, you'd totally gain weight differently & none of your old stuff would fit you.) By keeping one or two you get to hold onto the memories (and the dream) without it holding you back.

[Anjali]

This is a beautiful post that brought tears to my eyes. The decision to not have more children, or to not try to have more children, is a loss to be mourned. You'll know when you're ready to give the clothes away.