Happy accident

By Amy M.

Before Alex was born, I thought I wanted to have two kids. Throughout my relatively easy pregnancy, I still felt that way. And then Alex was born. I won't go into detail about what a difficult infant he was -- suffice it to say that when he was just a few weeks old, everyone in my family was already assuring me if I had another child, it would definitely be easier. I guess they saw the look of sheer terror in my eyes when they even mentioned the prospect of another baby.

The look of terror waned, but Brian and I remained adamant about NOT having another child. We loved Alex to pieces, of course, but parenting, as you all know, is HARD. Brian admitted he dreaded coming home from work at night in the early months because he knew he would be "on duty." Which meant trying to console an inconsolable infant, who would not even entertain the thought of sleeping between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m.

Things got easier, of course. But we still didn't want another one. We would go through "honeymoon" periods when we thought MAYBE we could handle another child, but then Alex would be particularly trying and we would push the thought of another baby far from our minds.

We continued that way for more than three years. We rarely talked about having another child. I was probably more open to the idea than Brian, but I wasn't desperate for another baby. Seeing a newborn -- even smelling its downy head -- did not make me long for one.

But seeing toddlers did. I was reminded of what a newborn -- no matter how challenging -- would become. And I could see Brian softening in the presence of bumbling, babbling toddlers, too. For example, when our niece started to walk and talk and, in his eyes, become a little person rather than an infant "blob," I noticed a change in his demeanor toward her. And that's when I knew that, deep down, he wanted another.

Still, we didn't really talk about it. But we also didn't take the necessary measures to prevent a pregnancy. It was sort of an unspoken agreement; we knew pregnancy was a possibility, but did not consider it a likelihood because Alex was sort of a miracle baby (my doctor had told us it would be near-impossible to conceive naturally).

Which brings us to the positive pregnancy test I took at the end of August. Yes, a "happy accident," as one of my friends called it. A very happy accident. Because we really did want to round out our family with another child, and give Alex a sibling. Sure, we often have "Oh my gosh, what did we do?" moments, but I think we're finally ready for this.

I just hope I feel the same way when the baby arrives around May 1.

Amy M. lives in Pennsylvania with her son and her husband. She works full time as a writer/editor for a large university.

Comments

[Dana, mother and owner of Lalia(TM)]

Congratulations are definitely in order. Children are a true blessing and you will not regret having another baby...especially when you see your little babies developing a relationship. My son is 22 months and my daughter is only 6 months and they already adore one another. My son kisses his sister all the time and it makes me tear-up and say to myself, "this is why I am a mom...for moments like this."

[mcewen]

They're always happy accidents.
Best wishes to you and yours
http://whitterer-autism.blogspot.com

[Anjali]

Congratulations! Sibling relationships are so amazing to witness.

[pink]

The funny thing for us was that even though Miss P was a delightful, generally easy-going infant, and, other than a major league stubborn streak, she's a generally delightful toddler, but we're still freaking out about #2 arriving in June. For us, it's the idea that we lucked out so much the first time, what's in store for us this time?!

[Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom]

Oh Amy,
Congratulations and take it step by step, day by day. You are all so lucky to have this new little life on the way....

Toddlers do it for me too...Babies, not so much. But toddlers...oooh I love their curiosity and will.

[maria]

Dear Amy - many congrats. I went through infertility treatments to have my two boys - two difficult miserable infants who turned into joyous funny wonderful toddlers and now big boys. #2 son also has a serious heart defect and in his first 2 years had 3 open heart surgeries (he's thriving now - we are very lucky!)

Unlike you we sort of wanted another but didn't want to go through the treatments - so left the door open. Just as my baby lust was waning - and when I got rid of all of the baby stuff - 6 weeks after the crib went to goodwill - I found out I was pg.

We look at our little girl and she is a bonus in so many wonderful ways. She was my easy baby - altho she's turning into a challenging toddler;)

You know - I was at an outing for heart Moms and I mentioned to someone that I could just skip the first 3 months - that babies are no fun when they're that little and it's just hard work. She looked so relieved. Her Mom had been hounding her about bonding and she was feeling guilty for not bonding w/her son. I have a very strong bond w/all 3 of my children but I can tell you w/the first 2 I certainly didn't feel it for a while.

Hope #2 is your easy one - many congrats and best of luck.

[Laura]

I was an only child and I hated it. I always said I wanted two children. And I have them. They are my Sun and my Flower.
Enjoy your pregnancy (I miss so much being pregnant!!) and I wish you all the best.