Desperately seeking my motivation

By Kris

I want to lose 20 pounds. Really. I do.

For days, I've had WeightWatchers.com open on my computer, mouse perched over the "buy" button. You see, they have a "deluxe at-home kit" that has everything I need to lose the weight. At $130, it's pricey, but I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I need to do something soon or I'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe. That will cost much more than $130.

Trouble is, this pesky voice in my head isn't so sure the Weight Watchers kit will help me lose 20 pounds. After all, my niece proposed swapping childcare to work out, and so did my neighbor. Have I followed up on those offers? No, I have not. Ten minutes of simple exercises a day would help trim my waistline. Have I done even one push-up? No, I have not.

So, the pesky voice has a point. I'm already well-versed on the logistics of losing weight. Maybe a myriad of food lists with points and a calculator won't help me slim down. Maybe what I'm lacking is simple motivation. Which, true to my luck, no one sells.

Over the years I've gained and lost this 20 pounds at least five times. Along the way, I've used different tricks to stay motivated. Do any of them translate to my life now, as an almost-40 mother of three? Let's see:

• Wear clothes that make me feel fat. The theory is, it's harder to order that large fry with my stomach hanging out over my pants and both thighs numb from lack of circulation. I do have a foggy recollection of this working for me in the distant past. But I did this faithfully for the last year. It just makes me cranky.

• Think how fantastic I'll look at my goal weight. I've hit my weight goal and, eh, I looked all right. Why put myself through all the exercising and deprivation when a simple A-line skirt accomplishes so much?

• Think how hot I will look in a bikini. Two summers ago, I reached my goal weight and bought myself a flattering bikini. Despite the lack of cellulite on my spray-tanned legs, despite my flat abdomen, I had no desire to wear the bikini "around." Outside the water, I prefer to be more covered up. The allure of the bikini is dead to me.

• Do it to please my man. Do I even need to explain the many ways this doesn't work? OK, one example: Two years ago, the summer of the goal-weight bikini, we went to a wedding. I chose an outfit to accentuate my new body. Was Brian bowled over by my trim waist and firm buttocks? Maybe. I believe he said, "You look nice." Contrast this to last week, when we went to another wedding. Twenty-five pounds heavier, I wore an A-line skirt and a wrap top with belly-hiding folds. And Brian said ... "You look nice." Although sweet, Brian is no wellspring of weight loss motivation.

• Realize how much longer I'll live with faithful exercising and a monkish calorie intake. This is just so arbitrary, isn't it? We all know I could get hit by a truck tomorrow.

• Think how much better I'll feel. Oh, fine, so I'll feel better if I lose the weight. That's true. But I also feel quite pleasant after eating a huge plate of pasta or a bar of chocolate.

Well, that last one does still has some motivational power. If I eat well and get some exercise, I'll be less stressed and have more energy. In short, I'll feel better. Isn't it ironic that those benefits will come, even if I don't lose a single pound? Maybe that's the problem: I've been focused on the wrong thing. I don't want to look great. I want to feel great.

If nothing else, I just saved $130.

Kris Clouthier is a weight-obsessed freelance writer and stay-at-home mom to three. She lives north of Boston.

Comments

[Antoine P]

I just started exercising again and when you first start off it is very very hard so i hope i stick with it.

[Antoine P]

weight watchers is a great program to loss weight i try something like it but it didn't work as well as weight watchers so i don't know why i switched.

[Andrea Chopra]

Age is just a number, dear. You can achieve what you want if you put your heart and soul into it. Look at Nicollete Sheridan and Halle Berry, they look fantastic despite their age. You can do it too. Good luck!

[Robert]

Thanks for this post. rally use full for me

[Emilia Pickrell]

The best way to lose weight is to maintain a balanced diet, especially if you are into veggies. Green leafy ones are also very effective for detoxifying and flushing out waste and cholesterol in our body.

[Bicycle Trailers]

I don't usually spend a lot of time online reading blogs or article unless the are about football or cycling. So this was a unexpected bonus to come across this post.

[Bicycle Trailers]

I had been searching on google for blogs regarding fitness and biking when this post showed up in the final results. Although not really what I was looking for it was really worth the read and for that I would give it four stars.

[FullFast]

Good post regarding the reality of gaining and losing weight. By setting small goals and reaching them, one may be able to reach their ultimate weight goals in a matter of years with constant diligence.

[JB]

I know where you're coming from Kris. It is so hard to get motivated. My goal always seemed so far away I was quitting and giving up before giving anything a real shot. And exercise... I didn't even have the energy to exercise, let alone the time. And what about buying fresh, healthy food? Snacks and processed foods are so much cheaper, and often times easier to prepare. It's not easy, but being healthy has so many more benefits than being overweight.

[bladder control]

Maybe it's not the right time for you to concentrate on losing weight.

Sam

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[Acai]

I enjoyed reading this post. Thanks for a wonderful job!

[Daniel]

Work harder at it, never give up! It's not worth it.

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[Jason]

Kris, I feel your pain and I understand how hard it is. I don't suggest you try dangerous fat loss pills or fad diets, as you will just gain all the weight back. Have you ever heard of Calorie Shifting? Its a new diet technique and its been getting great reviews. Check it out at http://www.hardgainersguide.com/fat-loss-4-idiots/

[Barbara]

Loved your blog and I totally understand about gaining and losing that 20-25 pounds and trying to find the motivation. That's where I am now - got the 20 pounds back and feel tubby even though people tell me I'm "thin." Not to me -- those 20 pounds on a 5'4 frame really show. My earliest motivation in my teens was a bet with my brother. That worked - lost 20 pounds. In my 20's someone I respected sat me down and told me that my career would go a lot farther if lost some weight and looked less sloppy. Lost 20 pounds. In my 30's I left my first husband, moved to another city, had no savings at first and couldn't afford to eat for about 2-3 months -- lost 20 pounds. In my late 30's, I joined WW (for health reasons - didn't want my dad's diabetes or my mom's high blood pressure) and lost 20 pounds. Now that I'm 46 and have the 20 pounds back, nothing seems to work to get me started. Last time I tried WW I was bored by the meetings and resented spending the $$ for meetings. I run marathons but half of the time my training is half a@@'d and I pop into Starbucks for a low-fat coffee cake. Did you ever find your motivation? What was it?

[Sherri]

Oh how I love this blog! How did I find it? I typed in the search bar "over 40 want to lose 20 pounds". How funny. I relate so much to what you wrote that I could've written this one myself. I am 43, mother of 3 kids who this year will be 18, 16 & 11. After my first two I was oh so motivated and I got right back into my size 8. In fact I was a size 8 when I got pregnant with my 10 year old. But with having her at age 33 (that's my excuse)I have never gotten back down to my size 8. Maybe a 10 a time or 2, which right now I would be thrilled with, because I am a very well fitting 12 right now. Pushing 14, which I refuse to go up to. Anyway, I know the solution is motivation. Unfortunately for the same reasons you state, I just don't have it!

[mcewen]

Good grief woman! I can't imagine where you are hoping to lose this weight from judging by your photograph? Do you have very big feet or something?
Best wishes

[Shrinkingmom]

I've lost 54 pounds since Easter . . . without Weight Watchers! (I know! It's a miracle!)

I'm following the low GI diet (Rick Gallop's book) which is super simple. I figure that I will make permanent changes that I can live with for the rest of my life.

Twenty-two pounds left to go.

I blog about my diet at "The Amazing Shrinking Mom." :)

[vickie]

ok all, 130 IS expensive but then again you can just go to meeting for under 10 a week. I'm a weight watcher and if you want motivation, the meetings give you tons of it. It's also a way to carve out if just a bit of time for yourself. My leader is SO motivating it sets me up for success throughout the week. Love it!

Worth a try for what you get!

[kristi]

I bought myself training sessions at the gym. It has made me feel stronger in the last 2 weeks. Today I actually ran 1 mile without stopping and I know if I slack off, at my next session she will get her revenge. It is a great motivator!!!!!! Good Luck!!!!

[Chris]

A comment from someone past the child-rearing years and into the menopause years: Lose the weight NOW. There's no way any woman can adequately explain to you how difficult those pounds will be to lose once you start down the menopause slope. Sign up for the at-home Weight Watchers. When I did, my husband commented that the program kept me so busy I couldn't think about eating! And, it worked. Bottom line.

[Patti]

Thanks for this post. Now I have supported reasons why I don't have to do WW this year!

[Karen]

When you find that motivation-- bottle it up and send me some!