Through thick and thin

By Amy Heesacker

Perhaps it's because my husband has been focused on (and been very successful at) losing weight in recent months. Or maybe it's because my daughter is going through another growth spurt while my son is not. Whatever the reason, I've been very aware of the differences between my children's body shapes lately –- and I'm not at all comfortable with my own response.

My son's shape is short and skinny. He's not the smallest in his class (there is one other boy who is the youngest and the smallest), but his size was one of the factors I considered when determining the best year to start kindergarten. I ultimately decided to start him at the usual time, but I still have concerns about my choice. It's no secret that taller, stronger boys and men have an easier time in our society. There are plenty of exceptions, of course, but I've noticed that I am becoming hyper-vigilant about Javi's eating habits, hinting at the goal to "grow up big and strong," and constantly pushing food on him with this typical interaction:

"Javi, would you like some yogurt or maybe a cheese stick?" I ask pleadingly.
"Uhm, no thank you," he responds passively.
"I want yogurt AND a cheese stick, Mommy!" my daughter exclaims. "And a quesadilla!"

My daughter's shape is tall and burly. She's not the biggest in her class (there is one other girl that is the oldest and the largest), but her size is something I worry about lately and more than I'd like to admit.

I love that Isa is strong enough to easily kick through a board while imitating her brother's karate, but it's no secret that thin (and probably too thin!) is the hyper-idealized goal for girls in our society. I've noticed that I have an odd recurring fantasy that Javi and Isa could switch body shapes -– just to "make things easier" on both of them. And I don't feel good about this preoccupation of mine.

I don't want to contribute to any issues my children may develop about their bodies because of internalized prejudices that I've soaked up in my thirty-some years of exposure to Barbie and Ken. My kids are brilliant and therefore able to discern even the subtlest cues about my feelings. So I need to shape up; first, by reminding myself that my kids are healthy and happy in their adorable bodies, and second, by re-reading Dr. Seuss who once wisely declared, "Of all the shapes we might have been... I say 'Hooray!' for the shapes we're in!"

Amy Heesacker is a thirty-something SAHM and part-time psychology professor living in the deep South with her husband and two children.

Comments

[Patty]

For me, it's parts of my two oldest kids' personalities that I'd like to switch. My oldest, a boy, is exceedingly shy. My daughter, who is 20 months younger, is so gregarious. I keep telling myself (in my head and not aloud so they don't hear me) to just let them be and to not ever, ever, ever say, "I wish you were more like [her/him]."

[amy]

This is a great post to remind us that body image begins at home - and even with us as parents! My daughter is quite petite and people comment on it all the time - and it likely will be one of the reasons that we don't push to "test" her into kindergarten, though she'd probably be ready - she misses the cutoff by 13 days. An "extra year" to catch up physically will probably give her some comfort in the long run.

[Anjali]

Oh, Dr. Seuss had the best answers for everything, didn't he?

Great post.