Parenting in a Bell Jar

By Christine

Back in the heyday of my youth, I was a band geek with braces, glasses, and uneven pigtails. It was an unlucky combination, but somehow I managed to survive it.

At the time, I didn't appreciate the quiet, staid women who rode in the front of our field trip bus, secretly praying none of us would lob our brown bag lunch at their heads before the performance. It was a time of innocence, mediocre music-making and pizza drives to raise money for polyester-chic uniforms strapped piously to our adolescent hips. And these band mothers, uncomplaining and patriotic, saw us through it all.

What would possess a mom, whose enthusiasm far outweighed that of her tuba-playing son, to join us on countless band events from Richmond, Virginia, to the upper neck of New Jersey? Or the bus driver whose own children dropped out of the band, then school, at an early age? What makes me, today, shout "Great shot, Johanna!" to a child who is not even my own while I am on the sidelines of a near-rained out soccer game? What is it really that swells our hearts when the runt of the litter makes that winning goal?

We dream our dreams, first as children, then later as adults who realize the human spirit lives on in those little legs running with all their might. The sheer will and love of the game, music, dance, gymnastics and baton-twirling overcome us as we cheer them on. Watching and willing others to be the best they can be is unique to the human experience. It is what makes us wake up at the crack of dawn to drive a gaggle of giggling girls to dance and horse competitions. Those three minutes on the back of a Shetland as your little one dodges obstacles is what makes our parental heartlights shine so intensely.

Yes, some over-the-top parents bring Blackberries to PTA meetings and overschedule their children's oh-so-busy lives; some do indeed tout self-esteem over compassion, and are certainly raising narcissists. But, most involved parents are committed to making a difference, not an impression.

It gets confusing for parents who try to get it right while the outside world judges and tisk-tisks at seemingly every move they make. Ever tried parenting in a bell jar? It is impossible, at best.

So to all the chaperones at our proms, the room mothers and fathers, the volunteer Little League coaches, the parent teacher organization leaders, the career day moms and dads, and that band mom whose squished banana-laden hair will never be the same, I say thank you. You made a difference in my life, and I will carry that torch with honor into the next generation.

To my fellow Gen X'er parents, I say great shot, Mom and Dad. Don't listen to the naysayers who say you've gotten it all wrong. In my very humble opinion, you're doing just fine.

Christine is an American author and freelance writer living near Munich, Germany, with her husband and two children (Jackson, 5, and Sophia, 7).

Comments

[Self Help Zone]

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[Susan Wenner Jackson]

I'm all for cutting each other some slack. We all have to do it our own way, without other people telling us what's right.

Susan at Working Moms Against Guilt
http://www.workingmomsagainstguilt.com