My not-so-little Little One

By Sarah

My oldest daughter was 6 pounds, 6 ounces when she was born. My second daughter was 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Despite being almost a pound heavier than her sister had been, we called Adina "Little One."

She was little. While newborns are quite tough actually, it is their smallness and vulnerability that we notice most readily -- and for important biological reasons! Compared to her big sister (not even 30 pounds at three years old), she was tiny and helpless and so Little One was nicknamed.

But she got big quickly. At six months she was about 18 pounds, all thigh and tush and delicious apple cheeks. The babies in my family tend to be small while those in my husband's family tend to be big, so to us she seemed a perfect combination. According to the growth charts she is heavier and taller than most babies her age but nothing to fret about (not even the 90th percentile). I love all her dimples and heft.

Still, I have to admit, it can be bothersome, day in and day out, to have her size commented on. "What are they feeding you, baby?" "Oh, she is such a big, big girl." "What a fat baby!" "Hi, thunder-thighs!" "Looks like she gets enough to eat."

I have heard all these comments and more. Where I see lovely, full, strong legs others see fat. Whereas she was exclusively breast-fed until her 6-month birthday (and now mostly wears the food we feed her instead of swallowing it) others reference how much she must be eating. Perhaps if she were boy she would be "healthy" and "strong" but she is a girl, and people call her fat.

She is not fat. In fact, she is just as tall for her age as she is heavy, her little ribs are apparent when she is in the tub and her arms are getting thinner by the day as she has begun to crawl and is in constant motion. Even those big thighs are growing leaner. The big bottom people comment on is really just a tiny behind masked by bulky cloth diapers. And here I have to stop myself, and ask: Why do I have to defend her size and why does it bother me at all if I know she is healthy and happy?

Perhaps my own body images are unresolved. I spent a year in high school eating nothing but diet pills and saltine crackers even though I wasn't overweight. I hate shopping for clothes, dread the difficulty of dressing my pear-shaped body. My mother is constantly dieting, calling herself fat (she is actually tiny) and I remind her not to talk like that in front of my daughters. But in my family, fat and skinny are important terms.

Adina and her sister are clean slates. They have not been corrupted by unrealistic images of beauty and womanhood, have not been hurt by playground jabs about how they look. These are my issues, my mother's issues, many women's issues.

What I need to do is learn, like my girls are, to be comfortable in my own skin, no matter what frame it is stretched over. What I need to do is admire my own dimpled thighs as much as I admire Adina's. We have so much to teach each other. Then, perhaps I can help everyone else see that Little One's baby fat is really baby beauty.

Sarah Rachel Egelman is a community college instructor and freelance book reviewer who lives in New Mexico with her family.

Comments

[coach handbags]

It was more or less taken for granted that everybody held certain beliefs and needed certain reinforcements of their own strength and that that came through your belief in God and your knowledge of prayer.

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have found myself worrying for her and what she might end up facing in our society, wishing that my son's 10th percentile had been my daughter's - crazy, right?

[Grizzly Mama]

People can be thoughtless not realizing how their comments can hurt a child's feelings. I have four children and all hit different percentages at various ages. One of my sons was worried about his little brother because he was only in the 50% in height and weight at his 2-year check-up...he is now 5 years old and is in the 90% percentile in height. So they all grow differently and I think we should not put so much emphasis in the pediatric benchmarks. They're meant to be an average standard to ensure that children are thriving.

[Sarah V.]

I have said things like "such a big girl", "she's eating well", & "she's getting big so fast" not as negatives but as compliments, and that's the way I take it when people say similar things about my baby. I mean it as a compliment as I know how much work it is and how difficult it can be to get some babies to eat enough and grow at a healthy pace. I also think that almost no baby can be "too big" since they all have different growth rates.

I didn't realize that some people may be offended by these comments. I am about thin to average for my height, and I wonder if this changes my perspective on little baby bodies. I was a very large baby but turned into a stick thin little girl, and I know that most kids wind up looking like Mom & Dad regardless of their baby and toddler size.

Please try not to be hurt when people are trying to be nice. At least you know they mean well and that's what counts.

[amy h.]

Very well said! I have struggled with the same issues. My daughter is in the 90th percentile and I have found myself worrying for her and what she might end up facing in our society, wishing that my son's 10th percentile had been my daughter's - crazy, right?? I have found recently that since I've become more aware of my assumptions and fears that I've dealt with them better. I'm more likely to see her baby fat as baby beauty as you said so wonderfully.

[Sarah Kimmel]

As the 5'2" 115 lb mother of a 8 lb 3 oz baby at birth, who is still in the 83% for weight at 2 years old, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!