By Anjali
One year ago, the unthinkable happened. After two healthy ultrasounds, great weight gain, and stellar blood work, I discovered at a routine OB appointment that at almost 14 weeks pregnant, my baby had died.
Two months later, I became pregnant again and once again miscarried.
With the support of family and friends, I've been able to move through the once profound sadness and despair of my losses. But while time does heal wounds, it certainly doesn't take away the pain completely, nor does it make me forget about what might have been. And I am certainly not alone.
According to the American Pregnancy Association, 10-25% of all clinically-recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage, with many more pregnancies ending before a woman even knows she is pregnant. Moreover, according to a February 21, 2007 report of the National Center for Health Statistics, in 2002, 25,000 fetal deaths occurred after 20 weeks gestation (also known as stillbirths), and in 2004, over 18,000 babies died within the first 28 days of their lives.
That's a lot of broken-hearted families. And since many feel ashamed and blameworthy after their losses, that's a lot of parents suffering in silence.
But there are places to go for help with your grief. Share Pregnancy Loss and Infant Support Group, Inc. is a national organization that encourages those who have experienced a loss to honor their babies by lighting a candle or sharing their stories on October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. On their Web site, "Share" also offers ideas for creating remembrances of lost pregnancies or babies. There are other local support groups, as well as Internet message boards where you can gather with others who suffer the same kind of pain.
I've come a long way since my own miscarriages, but I still have a long way to go. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, so if you know someone who has suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of an infant, please take some time this month to call or send them a brief note telling them that you are thinking of them. Give them the gift, too, of letting them talk about their loss if they want to. There's no better way to begin healing than by breaking the silence.
Anjali Enjeti-Sydow lives near Atlanta with her husband and two young girls. Her fingers and toes are crossed for the baby she's expecting in March.
