DotMoms

Little-Sister-Itis

By Sarah Rachel Egelman

My baby, who turns one this month and is hardly a baby anymore, has a bad case of little-sister-itis. That is what we call her permanent and incurable condition and it seems to be getting more acute. Symptoms include:

• frustration at being unable to walk/run/jump/climb like her big sister
• boundless joy at being the object of her big sister's attention
• arching of back and howling at the word "no"
• fits of giggling and hand clapping upon hearing her big sister sing or seeing her dance
• possible neck strain at constantly looking around for her big sister
• rejection of all age-appropriate toys
• attempting and often succeeding in playing with big kid toys like Legos and puzzles
• disinterest in board books
• extreme interest in big sister's favorite books
• super baby strength demonstrated by attempting to climb bunk bed ladder after big sister and getting farther up there than you would imagine; note: this is directly related to the condition found in parents called "heart palpitations"

I am a big sister myself. And the age difference between myself and my younger sister is only a few months less than between my girls. So I can empathize with Lilith when she is upset at finding Adina chewing up her books, messing up the puzzles she worked so hard at, or just getting the kind of hawk-eye attention a 1-year-old gets. But, I am starting to understand the younger sibling's point of view, too.

An early memory of mine is sitting on my bed, quietly playing while my little sister toddled into my room and swept all the books and toys off my shelf. She seemed to leave a trail of destruction wherever she went. But, as a mother, witnessing this same scene several times daily, I have come to rethink the scenario. Could it be that what I took as deliberate mischief was really my sister just wanting to play? Was she just trying to get my attention? Was she trying to keep up with me and play with the things I liked to play with?

Adina adores her big sister. Lilith is by far her favorite person, beating out me and her father easily. It seems my job these days is, however, to keep her little-sister-itis in check, encouraging the sweet behaviors and rechanneling the less endearing ones. I know that a bad case of big-sister-itis (jealousy and feelings of isolation, confusingly coupled with abundant love and an innate desire to protect) can get out of hand, too.

I am learning a lot about being a sister from being a mother, and thankfully the difficult side effects (sleep deprivation, frustration, heaps of laundry, inability to answer 700 "why" questions in a two-hour span) are always outweighed by the benefits of mother-itis (pure unconditional love, pride, creativity, humility and laughter).

Sarah Rachel Egelman is a community college instructor and freelance book reviewer who lives in New Mexico with her family. 

DotMoms Daily: "Teddy bear" teacher home, Dinner table deception, and more

Photo: Ray Ng, Time

In family-related news:
> New "fertility diet" gives couples hope (Newsweek)
> Anorexia risk may start before birth (HealthDay/USN&WR)
> More obese women die in childbirth (Reuters/MSNBC)
> Smaller babies grow up to be sadder adults (Reuters/MSNBC)
> The next Attention Deficit Disorder? (Time)
> Fever may improve behavior in autistic kids (ABC)
> Honey may help soothe kids' coughs (CBS/WebMD)
> Peanut allergies striking at earlier age (Reuters/ABC)
> Persistence key to kids eating veggies (CBS/WebMD)
> Does deception belong at the dinner table? (ABC)
> British teacher jailed over teddy bear arrives home (Reuters)
> Is "Golden Compass" selling atheism to kids'? (AP/CNN)
> Hey Santa, think outside the toy box (MSNBC)
> Girls make history by sweeping top honors at a science contest (NYTimes)
> Couples still view husband's career as more important (Reuters)

DotMoms Daily: Neverending recalls, "The Antisuburbanites," and more

In recall-related news:
> 405,000 toys recalled in latest lead paint scare (AP/MSNBC)
   Related: Safety agency issues new batch of toy recalls (Reuters)
> 4 million Aqua Dots toys recalled due to date-rape chemical (Reuters)
   Related: Sleuthing for a danger in toy beads (NYTimes)

In other family-related news:
> Pregnant exercisers test limits (NYTimes)
> Year of Pig a golden opportunity for having kids (Reuters)
> Disclosing infertility doesn't cause women stress (Reuters)
> Girls fuel rise in kids' diabetes drug use (WebMD/CBS)
> Smokin' in the boys -- and girls -- room (Newsweek)
> Drug-drenched lyrics no music to parents' ears (ABC)
> Review says abstinence-only ed fails teens (AP/MSNBC)
> Cyberfamilias: These Naughty Gifts don't clutter a closet (NYTimes)
> The Antisuburbanites: Family homes in N.Y., L.A., London (NYTimes)
> Poll: What keeps parents up at night? (Parents)
> Clinton candidacy sparks women's interest (Reuters)

Bedtime parenting

By Anjali

I have a confession to make.

While many of you parents out there are fretting about transitioning your infant from the bassinet or family bed to a crib, and others are worrying about moving your toddler to a toddler bed or twin bed, and still others are rushing one kid out of a current bedding arrangement to accommodate a newer sibling, we here in suburban Atlanta are taking our own, sweet time.

You see, our nearly 6-year-old, who is actually very tall for her age, still sleeps, quite happily, in a toddler bed. And our 3-year-old? She sleeps in the very same place she's slept since birth –- a Pack 'n Play. That's right, our "baby" never even made it to a real crib!

And while neither one of our daughters can fully stretch out (please don't call child protective services on us), they love rolling onto their sides, crunching their bodies up, and falling blissfully into deep slumber.

Their bedding arrangements are not their fault. You see, my husband and I are just a little behind on things, that's all. Now that we've moved for the fourth and final time in four months, we've finally purchased Big Sister a full-size bed. And as soon as we get around to putting it together, and buy the mattresses to go with it, our eldest will at last be able to rest her head in a bed that fits her body.

As soon as that transition takes place, our 3-year-old will be presented with the opportunity of sleeping in her sister's old toddler bed. But because our little one is pretty attached to what she affectionately calls her "cribby," we’ve no intention of forcing the transition. Instead, we'll set it up in her room next to the Pack 'n Play, and let her decide what kind of sleeping arrangement she prefers.

It's a bit of delayed bedtime parenting on our part, but neither my husband nor I can complain. In the nearly six years we've been parents, we've almost never had difficulty getting either child to bed. And for the past few years, once in bed, we don't hear or see them for the next 12 hours. Now that's what I call a good night's sleep.

Anjali Enjeti-Sydow lives near Atlanta with her husband and two young girls. She looks forward to the day when she can make the transition from a queen-sized bed to a California king.

DotMoms Daily: Lower-level lead poisoning, Parent-Teacher-Kid conferences, and more

Photo: Mark and Laura Olmstead, NPR

In family-related news:
> Lead poisons kids at lower levels than standard (AP/MSNBC)
> 'Child prodigy' film revives question: What is art? (NPR)
> Kids welcome at parent-teacher conferences (AP/MSNBC)
> Schools to get face-remembering cameras (CBS)
> 5 million frozen pizzas recalled (AP/CBS)
> Congress passes kids health bill again (AP/WashPost)
> Seventies something: Tweens and nostalgia (NYTimes)
> Life's work: The feminine critique (NYTimes)

DotMoms Daily: Rowling's "Beetle the Bard," Halloween hangover, and more

In family-related news:
> Vietnam's desire for baby boys skews gender (AP/MSNBC)
> Breastfeeding protects some children from asthma (Reuters)
> Parents playing a bigger part in kids' lives (AP/MSNBC)
> Rowling says goodbye to Potter with fairy tales (Reuters)
   Related: Rowling sues to block Harry Potter encyclopedia  (AP/Yahoo)
> Hello, India? I need help with my math  (NYTimes)
> Poll: Most OK birth control for schools (AP/ABC)
> Halloween isn't much of a treat for orthodontists (WashPost)

My not-so-little Little One

By Sarah

My oldest daughter was 6 pounds, 6 ounces when she was born. My second daughter was 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Despite being almost a pound heavier than her sister had been, we called Adina "Little One."

She was little. While newborns are quite tough actually, it is their smallness and vulnerability that we notice most readily -- and for important biological reasons! Compared to her big sister (not even 30 pounds at three years old), she was tiny and helpless and so Little One was nicknamed.

But she got big quickly. At six months she was about 18 pounds, all thigh and tush and delicious apple cheeks. The babies in my family tend to be small while those in my husband's family tend to be big, so to us she seemed a perfect combination. According to the growth charts she is heavier and taller than most babies her age but nothing to fret about (not even the 90th percentile). I love all her dimples and heft.

Still, I have to admit, it can be bothersome, day in and day out, to have her size commented on. "What are they feeding you, baby?" "Oh, she is such a big, big girl." "What a fat baby!" "Hi, thunder-thighs!" "Looks like she gets enough to eat."

I have heard all these comments and more. Where I see lovely, full, strong legs others see fat. Whereas she was exclusively breast-fed until her 6-month birthday (and now mostly wears the food we feed her instead of swallowing it) others reference how much she must be eating. Perhaps if she were boy she would be "healthy" and "strong" but she is a girl, and people call her fat.

She is not fat. In fact, she is just as tall for her age as she is heavy, her little ribs are apparent when she is in the tub and her arms are getting thinner by the day as she has begun to crawl and is in constant motion. Even those big thighs are growing leaner. The big bottom people comment on is really just a tiny behind masked by bulky cloth diapers. And here I have to stop myself, and ask: Why do I have to defend her size and why does it bother me at all if I know she is healthy and happy?

Perhaps my own body images are unresolved. I spent a year in high school eating nothing but diet pills and saltine crackers even though I wasn't overweight. I hate shopping for clothes, dread the difficulty of dressing my pear-shaped body. My mother is constantly dieting, calling herself fat (she is actually tiny) and I remind her not to talk like that in front of my daughters. But in my family, fat and skinny are important terms.

Adina and her sister are clean slates. They have not been corrupted by unrealistic images of beauty and womanhood, have not been hurt by playground jabs about how they look. These are my issues, my mother's issues, many women's issues.

What I need to do is learn, like my girls are, to be comfortable in my own skin, no matter what frame it is stretched over. What I need to do is admire my own dimpled thighs as much as I admire Adina's. We have so much to teach each other. Then, perhaps I can help everyone else see that Little One's baby fat is really baby beauty.

Sarah Rachel Egelman is a community college instructor and freelance book reviewer who lives in New Mexico with her family.

DotMoms Daily: Stepmonsters, teen health, and more

Image: David Chelsea, The New York Times

In family-related news now:
> UNICEF says child deaths down sharply since 1990 (Reuters)
> Consumers could face higher toy prices (AP/ABC)
> How I turned into a stepmonster (NYTimes)
> My so-called gossipy life (NYTimes)
> Credit card companies woo teens with plastic (NPR)
> Teen girls on a diet more likely to smoke (Reuters)
> Teens' unhealthy weight hurts later fertility (Reuters/MSNBC)
> Binge drinking particularly risky for teens (Reuters)
> In high school football, an injury no one sees (NYTimes)

I'm flunking Kindergarten

By Anjali

Two weeks before my daughter Mira started Kindergarten, we relocated to the Atlanta, Georgia area. There wasn't a lot of time to get her mentally prepared for the many nuances of real, full-day school. But Mira surprised us all by transitioning seamlessly.

Unfortunately, I have not fared so well. As a Kindergarten parent, I seem to be doing just about everything wrong. Here's the regrettable list so far, and school's been in session for only two weeks.

1. I got turned around, ended up in horrible traffic, and made Mira late for her first day of school. We were only five minutes late, but still, there's nothing like starting out the school year with a tardy.

2. Half of the paperwork I filled out with Mira's contact information was incorrect. I wrote down the wrong ZIP code. I also gave them the wrong cell phone number, and incorrectly filled out the emergency information card.

3. My husband was running late from work, so I ended up being 20 minutes late for Parent Night. Initially, I didn't think this was a big deal. Imagine my surprise when I was the only person walking in late to a darkened room filled with eager parents concentrating on a Power Point presentation about the curriculum.

4. Because I was late, all of the good slots for parent-teacher conferences were taken. I now have a conference time slot on an afternoon during which I have no child care for my kids.

5. According to a recent mailing, I've been packing Mira's snack incorrectly since the beginning of the school year.

6. I've called one of the other parents by the wrong name.

7. And finally, on Day 3, I completely ruined the name tag that Mira was supposed to wear during the first two weeks of school, by accidentally putting it in the washing machine.

Mira's teachers have been kind and understanding of my missteps, but my big fear is that they'll hold back my daughter next year, not because she's unprepared for the first grade, but because her mother can't seem to fulfill the duties of a Kindergarten parent!

Anjali Enjeti-Sydow lives in suburban Atlanta with her husband and two girls. She is currently working on punctuality and following directions.

It's all about the lip gloss

By Robin P.

The day after my mother's 70th birthday party, Rich said, "I didn't think it was appropriate for the girls to be wearing makeup." The girls are our nieces, who are 9 years old and 6 1/2 years old. I explained, "They only had a teeny tiny bit of blush on and clear lip gloss. Besides, I let Lillianna wear lip gloss last night." Rich replied, "And I didn't like that either."

For me, those were fighting words. I have had a love affair with lip gloss since I was 10 years old. It all started when I saw a TV commercial for a fast food restaurant. There was a girl about my age in the commercial and she wore a gorgeous, white, fluffy winter coat with matching hat and a muff for her hands. I was mesmerized by that outfit until I saw her shiny lips, which fascinated me. What made them so shiny? It was 1973, the same year that Bonne Bell lip smackers first came on the scene.

Every time that commercial came on, I studied the girl's lips. The shine seemed to make her whole face sparkle and come alive. OK, maybe it was the oil from the french fries she was advertising that made everything so shiny, but that didn't occur to me back then. I wanted that look!

I stood in front of the mirror and licked my lips. They were still dull. I licked again. Too much. I realized I was drooling on myself. I wiped my lips dry and tried again. Finally I got the look I wanted, but the feeling of wet lips grossed me out and I rubbed the back of my arm across my mouth until my lips were completely dry. Then I looked in the mirror. My mouth looked red and sore. There had to be a better way!

One day, my friend and I were at the mall and I saw a display for lip gloss. I had never heard of lip gloss so I went over to investigate. The picture on the display showed a girl with shiny lips. This was it! This was the secret I had been waiting to uncover. I bought a tube of shiny strawberry goodness and immediately rolled it across my lips. BINGO! I found my treasure!

For some reason, wearing lip gloss always made me feel like I could do anything. When I was sad during my teen years, a new lip gloss could perk me right up. I had every single flavor that Bonne Bell made. To this day, I still feel powerful when I wear lip gloss, even though I don't wear fruit flavors anymore.

So you can see why Rich's disapproval of our daughter and our nieces wearing lip gloss got under my skin. I don't approve of "real" makeup for kids because I believe, even for adults, when it comes to makeup, less is more.

I finally looked at Rich and patiently explained, "You were never a little girl searching for the secret of shiny lips, so you don't get a say in this. For me and the little girls in our family, it's all about the lip gloss!" He simply nodded and never brought the subject up again.

Robin P. lives with her husband and daughter in a suburb south of Boston.