DotMoms

It's a family tradition

By Emily

Traditions keep us firmly grounded in what we know. However, even more important than that, they make us who we are.

Growing up, summer holidays were always spent at my grandparents' house with my grandfather manning the grill. Family was very important to him and he looked for any excuse to bring us all together. My cousins and I would race around the yard playing hide-and-seek or cool off with a dip in the creek nearby. The women would gather in the kitchen to discuss who was getting married, who had died or was having a baby. I loved those days. They made me feel so secure and loved, not just by my parents, but by my extended family as well.

My grandparents passed away several years ago, and sadly, so did the tradition. I miss it more than I can explain. We try to get together when we can, but with several of us scattered around the states, myself included, it's rare.

With summer just around the corner, I'm hoping we can dust off our old family traditions and put them back in use again.

What do you miss from "days gone by"?

If mama ain't happy...

By Emily

How much childfree time do you have, aside from your hours at work?

I knew when I returned to staying at home a month ago that my time without a child attached would drop dramatically. Although I have stayed at home before, and recently at that, I seem to have forgotten that it's sometimes hard to be "on-call" 24/7.

I know I have to grab time for myself when I can, but that's just the problem… I don't know where I can "grab" it from. I am up every morning at 6:30 and usually go to bed at 10:30. I don't stop all day. I'm running here and there, cleaning this and that and doing for everyone else all day long. Our very busy schedules bring on an unhealthy dosage of guilt when I do try to carve a little time out for me.

What are your ideas? Where does your "mommy time" come from and how often?

No translation needed

By Emily

Earlier this week, I stood across the soccer field watching Seth talk to his coach. I started making my way across the field, out of habit, to translate Seth's conversation. When I made my way across I realized he didn't need me. He and his coach were carrying on a lively conversation. A conversation that both parties understood.

Seven short months ago, this would not have been possible.

Since starting speech therapy in September, Seth's articulation skills have vastly improved and his speech has become much clearer. He talks to everyone now and has something to say about everything. He doesn't shy away from talking to people and strangers can actually understand him.

When he gets excited he will sometimes stutter and falter, but a little reminder to slow down and start again usually solves it. I'm so glad I went with my "mother’s intuition" and had him evaluated even when friends told me he would outgrow it.

So, if you're looking for Seth, he's the cute redhead chatting everyone up.

Digging out of the hole

By Emily

Everyone has days in their life that they categorize as "best days." I have a new one to add to my list: the day I turned in my notice at work.

I went back to work in November and quickly realized it wasn't the right thing for our family at this time. However, as an adult, it's sometimes hard to correct a bad decision quickly.

Working the two weeks of my notice were very hard. I was ready to leave, and the days just seemed to drag on endlessly. At 5 p.m. last Friday, I started packing my things and getting ready to leave. My boss made her final plea and I told everyone good-bye. The minute I stepped out the door, a huge weight seemed to lift from me. I had no regrets, and I knew this was the right decision.

I'm now back in the stay-at-home mom category and couldn't be happier to be there. I know I will eventually go back to work, but it will be more thought-out and not something I jump into blindly. It will work for the entire family, not just for me.

Middle-Child Syndrome: Fact or Fiction?

By Emily

Lately, I have noticed some changes in my middle child. She's nine and normally furiously independent, spunky and tough as nails. More recently, though, she has become weepy, sensitive and jealous of any affection that isn't directed at her. Everyone I have spoken to about this has instantly labeled it "middle-child syndrome."

I try to spend plenty of one-on-one time with her and make her feel special, and I never compare her to her brother and sister. The information I have read on this subject suggests middle children are loners, underachievers and just generally unhappy. I don't want this for her. I want her spunkyness back. I want her to feel secure in her place in the family and know she is loved, no matter what her birth order.

But what is middle-child syndrome, and how do you determine whether that is the diagnosis? Could this just be the normal hormones of a 9-year-old girl? How do I know the difference and what can I do to help her?

Living with the consequence

By Emily

We have all been angry with ourselves for a decision we've made. Or at least questioned it. This is where I am right now. It's not easy to admit I made the wrong choice in returning to work. But, I know that I did.

This job is so far from what I wanted it to be. Maybe I put too much stock into what this job could be. I needed a break from being a stay-at-home mom, I needed to still feel like I was an intelligent adult capable of doing more than singing "Barney." What I didn't need was a full time job: Forty hours a week away from my children, missing Seth's speech classes and seeing his progress in them. What I didn't need was Seth holding my leg every morning begging me not to leave him, or Mallory calling me and wanting to know what time I'm coming home.

I'm angry with myself for being impatient. Seth has just one more year at home before school. I'm angry that I couldn't wait until then to rejoin the workforce. I'm ashamed of myself for being selfish. When I took this job, I was only thinking of what I wanted. Sure there were days where I felt my sanity hinged on getting a job, but looking back I realize the good days far out weighed the bad.

I need to be a mother, it's what I am and I won't feel inferior for it again.

So, how do I get myself out of this situation? I'm not sure… but I'm working on it.

Splitting time

How do you divide your time among your children equally?

With the holidays approaching, the dreaded parent/children lunches are here. When I only had one child in school, it wasn't a problem. I would go and have lunch with Hannah, Mallory in tow. Now, they both want me to share their holiday meal with them, like the other parents. As if two weren't hard enough, Seth's preschool offers the holiday lunches too.

How do I do it? How do I make them all happy? I ended up not eating with any of them for Thanksgiving because I didn't know how to work it.

I really can't eat three turkey lunches in one day.

Rejoining the ratrace

By Emily

After several years of staying at home, I returned back to work this week.

I thought this was what I wanted, to resume my career after taking time off with the children. But, I miss Seth desperately. I find myself watching the clock, wishing the hours away. I know it will get better with time, but the waiting is tough.

Which leads me to this question: How does one have it all? The career, the family, the well-run household?

The right and wrong way

By Emily

Different parenting styles are a sure-fire way to cause disagreements between friends. Views on the right and wrong way vary greatly. A friend of mine thinks my son Seth is a whiner. I think her little girl is a bully. The difference between us, though, is I don't tell her what I think.

I have been around a lot of different children in my life. Some I liked, others I didn't. But I have never felt at liberty to tell a parent where I thought her child was lacking. I was never that brave.

Would you tell a parent what you thought her child's weaknesses were?

Hi neighbor

By Emily

When Randy and I moved here a year ago, only one of our neighbors came over to meet us. As the months passed by, we wondered whether we had made a mistake in the neighborhood we chose. I have complained about a certain neighbor more than once and how unfriendly I felt my neighbors were. We even talked of selling our beloved house.

Then Hurricane Ivan tore through our town.

The morning after the storm, with daylight barely peeking through the clouds, my neighbors banded together. Generators were shared, trees were removed from driveways, houses, and the entrances to the neighborhood were cleared.

Over the next two weeks, I met every neighbor around me and even a few from the street behind me. We shared information on where to find the shortest gas lines, which stores still had water, and the latest we had heard on when power would be restored. I wondered what would happen when power was back on, people returned to work and lives began to return to normal. Would my neighbors retreat back to their respective houses? Would we return to only waving, not chatting?

It's been almost four weeks since the storm, we now have power and the kids returned to school today. The city is slowly starting to resemble itself once again. Through all of this I learned that we may have been devastated as a city, but we were united as a neighborhood.